Day 905 Hello Darkness my old friend...

 Hello blog, how are you doing?

So one of the epic observations I have had of myself, and thus extrapolating to all selves, is how the system of the solar plexus location of emotions functions, and how the systems of the physical heart, and lungs function as components of the mind consciousness system. 

Firstly consider how the inbreath is specific for when a person is angry. The breath I have observe with myself as well as people around me. This in conjunction with how the heart also beats specifically= the level of pressure pushes and rhythm is moves within is specific to match the anger. 

Similarly with fear/nervousness. 

So in principle one can create a device to measure what can already be observed individually, and thus it can assist those who are unaware or lack the awareness to observe their heart/lungs. While not a replacement for self-practice, it is revolutionary. 

Plus given the information we know of the mind consciousness system. It makes sense that the heart and lungs are principle areas it wishes to control totally. As its naturally how one dictates a person to feel something based on manipulating the lungs/breath and heart. And given that the being rests behind the heart, it makes sense this relates to beingness programming. 

The singular reason I wrote this out is this: how do i fix my heart? I know that it is the heart of friendship, knowing that others are me and I am them, and we can communicate truly on the principle of oneness and equality. 

I do selfishly want my heart to beat with pressure again, to live as life. The heart of life. Beating endlessly, incessantly. To rid myself of all programs, to rid the programs off of others, to tear the mind down, and be one with the physical. And the place I know the mind wants control over is the heart and lungs. This is the stage, the battlefield. This is the arena where destiny is decided. At least until the next one. It makes sense if one has one's heart/being clear that the force can drive away the mind's control of the heart, and thus naturally abandon its campaign. 

The source of heart can only come from one place: the early years of life on earth: Since its a magical place that isn't predefined or controlled. Its not a decision. Its the natural way of being. To share, give, enjoy all and everyone. No judgment, no control. Being here with all, and seeing all. 

I was one of the people who held onto such a point for so long. But maybe I wasn't able to remember it all fully. Maybe what I had was just a piece. 

Being born at that moment, you have no history, you are one with everyone, and everything. You are equal to the wisest sages and the oldest kings. Life is what fills you completely, as it fills us all, and all corners. Holding this in me, it fills my heart, and I know.

I know that previously I created a desire from this point, because I only partially remembered it, and I materialized it as my relationships with people, family and friends. While those are parts of life, they aren't all of life, and thus it is a point of separation from the Life, that we can witness at birth. 

I have bore witness to the immense challenge and difficulty of remembering one's entire life. Humans resist remembering it all. 

And there is a challenge of trusting or doubting what you see. Is what you see a mere imagination of the mind, or is it really you remembering it. 

We are all life. 

And that will beat the heart, fill it up, and that will turn the tide of the war within self with the mind. 

The words aren't magical, its actually remembering for yourself who you were at birth. That is why we are at awe when we witness the birth of others. And I believe that is what we are misremembering when we practice religions. It is all an attempt to really live that again. That is why the idea of god is alluring, or the pursuit of a partner, a significant other is so enticing, or to have children. It is that seeking of a relationship that is reflecting a part of this whole: where we are full within the heart of self.

When we are full of self: it is not because of the others or the relationship. Pursuing such things to find that purpose will always not be enough.

So why did I search for those relationships? I liked the idea that all I had to do was to find such people that would accept me for who I am, who would be similar to me, and that that would be enough, and would lead to me finding that acceptance and fulfillment. I thought it would be enough to believe that all people are one and equal. But living it, means that I am fulfilled already. And I didn't like that idea. I wanted it to be something I can physically own or possess, see, hear and taste outside of me. And therein I can blame others for not giving me what I want. I didn't have to take responsibility over what I felt. Cause I was scared to face it and remember who I was before all of this. I was nothing. I had only myself and that was enough. I am equal to all, there is nothing greater or lesser than me. There is no judgment. This game, this ego, this mind is optional. 

It is funny. It must be that at such an early age, the mind's mission was to take what was pure and corrupt it into a point of separation. And so it had no reason to fear that it would ever lose control of me. Insert desire, insert happiness, insert blame, insert freedom, insert fear. And place it outside of myself. Yet it could only do that because of our nature of being, since eons past through lifetimes. The reality of separation.