Yogan's Journey to Life

FYI Cusi is a cat, and you will need to read through the entire document till the end. Enjoy! -yogan Sadness/Victim Character Cusi bitting my wrist. Say aloud “oh no, what did I do?” or “what’s the matter cusi?” or “what is wrong?” I feel sad. My neck drops a bit, I stare off into the distance, I am “still” “not moving” and too weak to really move. I just focus in on my sadness and I stay there. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drop my neck. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be still, not moving. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too weak to really move. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just stay there within my sadness, with my focus and attention on my sadness, which is situated within my solar plexus. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say aloud “oh, no what did I do?” I forg...

So Im interrupting my blog series for THIS. VERY IMPORTANT POINT. Am I walking process for me? When I ask myself whether I compare doing things FOR ME, VS. Doing this FOR ANY thing else. I self-honestly choose Me. Do I help this person FOR ME, or for them? FOR ME. Do I wake up FOR ME, or to save the world? FOR ME. Whatever I place in this spot: Do I do THIS for me, or ________? FOR ME always WINS. But am I LIVING THIS? NOoooooooooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOooooooooOOOOOoooooooo I notice how even just 5 minutes ago, how i was doing something FOR SOMEONE ELSE, for the purpose of BEING THEIR FRIEND, which is COMPLETELY self-dishonest. AND IT WAS AUTOMATIC. I had to literally slam my hand on the table and yell NOOOO!!!! So I literally had to take action to stop myself in the moment in Acting that way, and ALIGN myself to doing this FOR ME. In addition, I had also seen something that would be done FOR ME, but I was HESITANT, I DID NOT ACT IMMEDIATELY. And so it WASn't...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone. i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting married. I forgive mysel ffor acceptin and allowing myself to fear not having kids I foribe mysel ffor accepting and allwing myself to fear not having  awife. I forgive mysel ffor accepting and allowing myself to fear not meeting my soul mate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself ot fear not meeting and getting with the perfect person for me. I forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the opportunity for the relationship that is meant or destined for me. I forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing mysefl to believe in destiny and fate. I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as powerless because destiny and fate will decide my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope and desire for destiny and fate to exist so that I won't have to lose anything, or ...

I finished up a series of blogs on humility. I suggest to check that out before reading this, if you wish to have a greater understanding of the context and the changes that are happening on a larger scale. You will however will be able to follow along anyway. I ended the previous series of blogs on a point. This point was being present with my emotions and feelings. The practical application, thereof, is opening up something interesting. And I have questions, and seek answers. That is why I write tonight. So there are two different moments I am experiencing. One is when there is a distinct voice, or thought I have, and I experience a feeling or emotion along with the thought. Another moment is one where I just experience a feeling, and its silent in my head, no thought. I am curious as to why they are different. I admit they are different. In one I am taking a position, and my perception of the world changes, like I am clouded. The second one, I perceive what is here, and what I...

My A. saying that he’s the best. I feel angry. I feel my blood rushing through my hands and feet, my heart pulsing. My breath is shallow. I feel like shouting. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel my blood rushing through my hands and feet, when I am angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel my heart pulsing when I am angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to breathe shallow when I am angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like shouting when I am angry. When and as I see myself feeling angry- I stop and I breathe – I realize that other people do not take anger well- I realize that when I am angry, I don’t really know what I am angry about specifically, I just feel it and act instantly – I realize that I don’t know where my anger comes from- I realize that the adrenaline I feel, is not good for my heart and m...

This blog is unconventionally structured for today. For today, I will be taking my past realizations for the last three blogs, and writing out commitment statements reflecting those realization, for the purpose of living these commitment statements in my everyday life. As a promise to myself, I will check in within a week to see how my living of these commitments statements are. I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf I realize tha...

Throughout today, I have been saying self-forgiveness aloud when I was within the mind and energy. I found that today there was primarily nervousness. I did many self-forgivenesses related to fearing something. I would do the self-forgiveness aloud on the fear, and after I would see a drop in the nervousness, focused on my solar plexus. Like I shared in my post from yesterday http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-2-day156.html , energy suppresses my being, so to become and allow my being as humility to express itself, requires that I stop the thoughts, fears, energy, you name it. That's really the only way. While i was in the tub, taking a bath, I notice fear within me. Well, at first I only noticed some pressure within me, and I was curious as to why it was there. I was especially curious as to why I was thinking SO MUCH. Because thinking is tied to energy, you can't have one without the other, I took a moment and focused in on my solar ple...

Read the previous blog for context.  http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-1-day-155.html I notice how, when I speak, and especially write my blogs, how I am fighting myself. And I feel the energy rising within me, as I do this. And as i do this, what is in fact happening is that I am suppressing my being, as the mind becomes more prominent with the increased energy through the fighting. I watched a Vlog on humility today, and I listened to an Eqafe video on humility as well. They helped me. http://desteni.org/profile/165/vlog/EHSKrLoiyLM https://eqafe.com/searches?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=humble I also haven't listened to this interview https://eqafe.com/p/mind-being-body-kryon, but this point of Being, Mind and Physical, is one that I have not paid attention to, and placed it in the context of my life. I notice I can't be humble if I am within a reaction. When I am in a reaction, energy builds, and my being is suppressed, and humbleness ...

A statement I made today was this. Are you sure you’re the best person to talk about that? I doubted that person’s ability to speak on the subject based on my past experience with him. I was wrong to do so. That person has much a right to speak on the subject as anyone, yet I denied him that, with my words. When I said that to him, it was like in my mind, I saw him as being a person that would forever never be trusted or capable to speak on this subject. If I don’t allow trust, or allow the possibility that a person can change, what does that say about me, and how I relate to myself. It says that I have beliefs about myself that say that I will never change certain parts of me, that I would never give up.   It’s interesting because that phrase, never give up, is something I have lived to an extent, of “never giving up” in the context of a commitment, however, within that context, what I actually do, is like for example, a loveless marriage, where I force ...

Becoming a business man involves whitening my teeth. I didn’t come up with the rules. For some reason white teeth are considered beautiful. Also, yellow teeth are considered ugly. I have yellow teeth. DO I judge my yellow teeth as ugly, no. But I need to whiten my teeth because other people may do so, and have a negative reaction within them, which wouldn’t be conducive to making a sale. So its just part of what I have to do, and it will be worth it! SO I feel resistance to whitening my teeth. I am already doing it, and even saying that I already feel the guilt. It is as if it is wrong to do stuff to make myself beautiful in the eyes or the minds of others. Like I am being deceptive or manipulative. In reality I recognize yes I am manipulating my physical teeth, because I have an understanding that the majority of people, live according to the good/bad, right/wrong, beautiful/ugly principle, including me evidently. This is why I am doing this process of writing and self-f...