Yogan's Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am nothing without success. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am worthless if I do not live a life of worth. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a life of worth. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exclude myself from what it means to live a life of worth, and chose to follow fear of appearing arrogant to others (i ironically became arrogant as a result) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my relationship with myself, within who i am with me, how i interact with me and reality, that i was somehow dishonest and everything i had lived needed to be lost, without realizing i am simply investigating me piece by piece and see, through asking, am i in fact living, am i in fact here? I am in fact in directive power? And daring to see the truth which requires only for me to be here to see.  I forgive myself for acce...

What is best for all? Can love become what is best for all? A better question, why is love not what is best for all? Why is love separate from what is best for all? Why am I not aware of each thought I have, and each any every impulse, movement, inclination within me? Why do I pretend I am aware of such things? How do I become aware of who I am really within making a decision for example? What am I basing my decisions on? What factors am I considering, who am I considering? Do I consider just me or am I considering others too? Do I allow feelings to make a decision for me? Do I one day choose A because I feel good and choose B because I feel bad? Is there more than just my feelings/emotions? (yes). I make doing what is best for all my priority to consider in my decision. This is something for me to live and apply. To whether I feel good or bad to do what is best for all. Like questioning, why do I feel good or bad? Why do I consider anything other than what is best for all (inclu...

--> I had an interesting moment just earlier. Its difficult for me to write, probably in part for the same reason I am writing this blog. The reason being about this realization that I ask permission for myself to live, essentially. I ask permission to have my realizations about myself to be able to be lived and applied by me. I feel wrong and bad to even ask someone whether I can live and apply this realization I had on myself. This realization that I ask permission to even realize things about me. I see also how the same thing goes for asking permission to do bad things, where self-honestly I would not do those things, yet I want to from the perspective of the mind. Which is another layer, of the mind. And I can see how this asking for permission is really my mind granting itself permission. Where sometimes the mind may use a few words out of context to give itself permission (me) to do the thing it wants (I want). And I trust it, because I received permission, therefore ...

Laziness. Where have i accepted and allowed laziness to manifest? its funny, laziness does not have to be inactivity. Being here could be an "inactivity" for a moment and breathing while i sit for example. Though its not inactive. In looking for laziness, its in those moments of walking to the cafeteria to eat where i am lazy in that i do not walk in equality with the physical. Being unaware of yourself is laziness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here and walk with the physical while walking somewhere. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here when sitting while on the computer.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here when using words in speech or in writing. I commit myself to be here with the entire physical body, including the hands, feet, legs, pelvic area, belly, back, shoulder, neck, chest, arm pits, face, top of the head, back of the head, belly button, the inner organs, the b...

 I did a vlog on this text below that i wrote, and i will now follow through with self-forgiveness... -->   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_JXNYxwQTY&list=LLY4LU4QVg06KgqTCMkNUtUQ&feature=mh_lolz Children are taught competition. Look at this commonsense. Children are taught games where competition is required. Why is this brainwashing/teaching not questioned? If no child was brainwashed to play sports based on compeition, or games of competition etc… would children compete? If children were given everything they required to live a dignified life, would they compete? If children were taught to care for life and each other, would they compete? Obviously not. The entire generation of abusers and ego can end in One generation of children if humanity dares to take on the challenge. We think competition is natural, though ask yourself, would competition exist without survival? What if survival was taken care of, that everythin you require is provided ...

Im going to take this deconstruction of myself slowly . I always wanted an easy life.  --> I can see this play out in the context of two summers ago where my dad, my brother and cousin and I were building a shed for my dad. I noticed how I did not try my best and how my dad kept telling me I would hate this kind of work because I do not enjoy working, like him. He wanted me to get a degree so I can get a job that does not require to much work and makes relatively more money than other jobs without degrees. This reminds me now of a conversation my dad and I had around the time I was about to enter highschool. We were walking outside at night and my dad asked me if I could have any job in the world, any, what would that be? What would you do out of love? To respond I first looked inside and saw a distaste for work that had no 'significance' where people are not 'helped' in what they need helped with most. I made it my job/responsibility to help people w...