“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Embarrassing Story - Anorexic?

So what I am about to share may seem like an embarrassing story. So I will start it out just like that.

When I entered college I had a belief that there are people that don't need to eat to live, and to become this way is fairly easy, if one is very spiritual. From this belief, I started eating less and less. I would push myself to what they call fast. I would let myself feel the hunger, and not act on it. So over time I forgot about this belief and doing this. Instead I was focused on studying and the stress. And I would skip meals, or wait to eat, because I didn't have enough time. And I found that I stopped feeling hungry, and I had to actually remind myself to eat regularly.

So this has still affected me until today, where I have trouble feeling hungry. So based on what I did in college, I believe that I conditioned myself to suppress/ignore feeling hunger. Because I wouldn't respond to it. Similar to an anorexic person. So something I started doing now was eating more quantities.

I found that eating more quantities is bringing back the hunger within me, and I am feeling stronger and more energetic. But I believe it will take a long time, years, until more changes occur, because the body needs to rebuild itself, which takes years to do.

So this was an embarrassing mistake, where I let a belief lead to consequences that affected me for 7 years. And only now am I slowly changing it. I also believe that many many college students and other people are also starving in their bodies in the same way. Some because lack of money, others because lack of time, and others because they want to be skinny because they believe that is something more beautiful (and me to become someone special). For all of these people, their bodies are suffering, and it will leave consequences that will most likely affect their entire lives, because it is difficult for normal people to change their habits. Luckily I have desteni, and the support of the people in changing myself.

Now I am eating consistently, large portion of foods.

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