“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Monday, November 17, 2014

Social Relationships Day 192

Social Relationships.

So the title, social relationships, is redundant, isn't it? well, actually, you can have relationships that aren't social. Meaning that socializing doesn't occur, at all, in your relationships. So perhaps socializing did occur to a small extent in my past relationships, but I would say for the most part I haven't really created a full social relationship before, at all. So this is my Achilles heel. So it seems appropriate to write blogs regarding my process and what I realize, as I walk creating social relationships.

So the idea of "creating" relationships, is already strange for me. So those words "create" "relationship" doesn't seem to fit together, naturally within me. I had existed most of my life where the relationships I had with people, sort of, fell into place. They just happened. There was no creation process involved. No real effort. It was the right place, at the right time. So I basically waited. So you can imagine how those words might feel strange or unnatural for me, because I have never created a relationship before.

So I have already tried out the point of creating relationship, today even. I notice how a lot of the past would come up, and thoughts about what the other person is saying or thinking, which was more negative than positive. I had tried a technique of creating a blank slate. So I picture a blank sheet of paper, and I write out, speak, within me, what is going on, what is really here. So giving myself that space helps me sort things out, and lets me breathe easier. Though it doesn't remove completely the energies. Its enough for me to act in the moment. So the control over me is gone.

So why a blank sheet? Well creating a relationship is something new. And even if I am contacting old friends, I am still creating something new. So a blank sheet represents, what is new, or the potential of what is here. Thoughts that are based on the past, and making statements that are based on the past, is not about what is here. They are about what happened in the past. Though I make it practical by simply stating what is here, whatever it may be, even how the past is here.

Its a bit of a challenge. I can easily run away. And I was in the wavering stage where I did spend time, sort of freaking out. Though I did stop, and dropped the energies so I can act. It seems to me, I always have to act now, especially when it comes to creating social relationships. Because relationships are something active or alive it seems. You can't leave it hanging. It needs constant nurture and attention. At least that is what I am getting right now. I could be dead wrong, so we'll see. Because when someone agrees to hangout with you, you need to let them know right away, right? Its not the kind of thing you wait or sit a few days on. So that's one thing that's different. I am being more active now in regards to relationships than before, where I would really just wait, and not act, at all.

Because this is something brand new, I am trying different approaches. One thing I am doing different, is that I am keeping things more simple. Before I would bog a person down with information. Now I am trying to be concise. I am also trying to express myself, my being, in my words. I also have had some fears in speaking a certain way or saying some things. I notice too how I am making decisions, and placing myself in a position of creating the outcomes. So I am creating the relationships how I want them to be. 

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