“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Friday, October 3, 2014

Hidden resistance, hidden Gift Day 182

I wanted to continue with part 2 of resisting M, however what I experience is not resistance, as how I have defined it. A closer word would be a reaction, and more specifically a kind of sad emotion. This is a bit perplexing, but it is here.

I don't see any logical reason, at least with the information I have at present to feel sad when thinking about M. But the mind is layered, and this is the next layer. In my body it does feel deeper. I perceive this as a remorse or regret for the previous layer, all the anger, hatred, desire to win and be on top. So a remorse and regret for who I was, what I did, and how I treated existence. I remind myself that I can't change the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a ruthless  son of a bitch that only cared about himself and his life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take this existence, my home, in care, respect, and appreciation, by physically and by action taking care of it, showing my respect, and showing my appreciation in how I live each moment.

M reminds me of myself, that ruthless son of a bitch. And I do feel remorse and regret. And I do wish to change. I recognize and appreciate my remorse and regret, because it shows I am still human, or at least I have the potential to become human again. I can still change.

I forgive myself for what I have done in the past, so that I may be strong and focused in the present so that I can create the best future possible for everyone.

When and as I feel remorse or reget- I forgive myself for what I have done in the past and I focused on the present moment to create a future that is best for everyone.

I commit myself to forgive whatever exists in my past, so that I can focus on the present moment, to create the best future possible.

Thank you,

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