“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

day 18 - I Played the Piano Tonight

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Point: getting nervous when I think someone is listening to me play on the piano. 
Tonight I got nervous while playing the piano, when I thought someone is listening to me play. I looked towards the door for a moment, and I felt fear. I see I am afraid of someone getting angry at my music and thinking what I am playing on the piano sounds bad. This has happened before where I was playing the piano a few years back and someone asked me to not play for right now. I imagined someone was pressing against the door or right outside the door and listening. I then felt separated from my fingers and lost control of what I wanted to play next. I then felt frustrated as I had no control and I saw I gave up my control because I felt afraid.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel nervous while playing the piano and having thought someone was listening to me play the piano.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear someone hearing me play the piano.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being told not to play.
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear thinking my music sounds bad and what I am playing sounds bad
When and as I see myself feeling afraid while playing the piano, I stop and breathe – I realize that if someone wants me to stop playing they can tell me and I would be happy to listen to them – I realize there is nothing to fear as if a being wants to communicate to me what he thinks of my music, he can – I realize that words do not hurt – I realize I do not have to suffer when playing the piano, but can enjoy myself by stopping fear, and simply breathing and playing as myself, here in honesty.
I commit myself to stop fearing and start breathing when I play the piano.
I commit myself to simply play the piano and enjoy, in honesty. 

To be continued..........

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