Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Day 16- Love at first Sight?

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Oct 1 2012
I saw X, I slowed down to say hi. ( I saw she was looking away and I thought she might be embarrassed) I was watching her eyes as I was telling her: How are you? She responded, good you? (I did not consider she was simply expressing herself) I kept walking, I thought then, imagined, I had told her: I was sitting outside if you wanted to join me. (I had imagined she would like to sit with me) I then reacted in fear, and told myself no, im going to go sit outside like I planned. I went to the spot I had told myself I was going to sit. I thought there would be too many people walking by that it would be awkward. (I thought she would see me sitting close by yet I separated myself fro everyone else) I also thought it would be not sunny, so not cool. I started then heading somewhere there was sun, outside. I had then imagined if I had asked X out, to which I reacted positively (I imagined she would have said yes to me). But I see this point is just in my mind and that I would never do this, yet I feeding this image this thought of me doing this. (I am keeping my secret inside that I would think X would like to go out with me) I see that it is feeding my ego, as I judge X to be great and fantastic and that a girl like that going out with me would be amazing, as she seems stable and cool. (I think she would be great at sex) I would see myself having fun within that relationship (sex). I have this idea then that relationship’s primary point is fun (sex). But as I have learned in my most recent blog, a relationship won’t stand unless both persons can stand together as equals as creators creating themselves with a real being, being informed/aware of the creation intimately. Both being honest to the slightest dishonesty and stupidity of the self.  And then correcting together and walking from there as life is a process where we continuously create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that agreement is a commitment oneself makes for oneself to stand and walk with another.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react positively to imagining asking X out.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think it is normal to react to the thoughts you think.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express happiness as a way to selectively raise certain relationships instead of expressing myself equally (quality) with all points.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not share myself as time, effort, and self with all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about certain beings only.
When and as I see myself feel happy while thinking about certain beings, I stop and I breathe – I realize that all is here and all is equal – I realize there is no specialness or inequality with life –
I commit myself to be practical within my tasks by not allowing emotional reactions to move me in any context
I commit myself to apply commonsense within my tasks.
I commit myself to find a way to do what is best for all in my tasks, and time on this earth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am I process of creating myself in every moment. 
To be continued............................................................................................................................

2 comments:

  1. Hi Yogan, I suggest adding TAGS for each blog and adding REDDIT to your sharethis buttons.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Changed the button to include reddit and will place tags from now on. Thanks for that.

    ReplyDelete