“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Day 12 Fail

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A point that bothers me is imagining sending my teacher two emails and that he would be angry/disappointed that i did not combine them. So this is a point of inferiority for me, for I am imagining my teacher to be angry/disappointed in me. I see this fear of this event occurring my teacher being angry/disappointed, is Fckd. I was reading Malin’s post’s http://malingunilla.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-154-how-we-teach-our-children-to.html and http://malingunilla.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-155-achieving-unachievable-self.html and I saw how this fear is originating from fear of survival. The teacher is like a test exam to get your survival be taken care of through school and education. All the adults I remember would point out that school will determine who you are and whether you suffer or feel good for the duration of your adult life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sending two emails instead of one email to my teacher as I was afraid of repercussions/consequences as teacher being disappointed/angry as I have been taught at an early age to fear consequences/repercussions for one’s actions as supposedly our entire existence is determined during childhood so we have to study and prepare now for the future to protect ourselves from failure.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with emotional inferiority where I think I am a failure and a loser for having accepted and allowed myself to disappoint the teacher.
I commit myself to walk in the shoes of my teacher as to see his/her starting point so that I can best assist and support myself.

To Be Continued

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