Yogan's Journey to Life

  Sexual Conceptions. Thoughts. Beliefs, Ideas. Images. Imagination. Fantasy. Pleasure. None of that is real and none of that matters.  Its a whiff of smoke. Cause the real stuff is the actual people. And when its just a fantasy, there are no other people. They are literal make believe. And when its Porn, its literally acting. And you are not there.  You are here, and what is real is what is here. So your partner, your relationships, that is what is here.  What makes me truly happy is being able to communicate anything with someone. That level of trust and respect is amazing. And that is something you can't fuck with, pun intended.  Friendship is the basis of all relationships. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to glorify sex, and orgasm. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place on the pedestal the idea of the attractive partner that stimulates me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place flirtation and sex ...

 I rather fail doing it my way.  I have hesistance to failing. I want to succeed every time. No failures. No loses. Getting it right every time.  So I freeze up and I rather not try, then risk failing. So to that I say I rather fail doing it my way. Cause I am constantly like listening and trying to assess what is the safest or best way. But that doesn't mean its what I really want to say, and what I really think would work. It's not my best.  Basically there is a lot going on in my head. The fears, the concerns, the possibilities. That I cut away the parts that are fun, that are interesting, and that I see is best. Cause I don't want to fail at all. And I want to have that certainty. And I don't have it. I don't know what will happen. And I can't handle it.  And then you have others opinions, and beliefs. And it brings doubt, of what is the way, cause frankly I don't know. Yet I have to choose something. But if I can be okay with failing. Then that would be...