Where denial/suppresion ends... life can flourish/grow.

There are people that lie in the world. There are people that deceive in the world. There are people that do evil things. There are. This is a truth that I haven’t accepted. And people may do both. They may good intentions and help sometimes, and other times they may do evil things. This is true. This is the reality of the world. I have to accept this as what this world is right now. Because otherwise if I live out there in the world I will be inviting and opening myself up to abuse. I will believe willingly. I will trust willingly. I will let myself open to any lie or deception. I will get myself in trouble. I have to change and I have to stop resisting seeing some people as acting and behaving and doing evil things. I have to stop believing that people are inherently good. Instead I have to realize that people are programmable, and that this world is programmable, and that we are just following are programs. And what I have within me is the program to be gullible, to be honest, to be trusting, to be giving,  to be of service to anyone. So what I need to do is to sift the wheat from the chaffe. Being able to see and recognize manipulation. To be able to see and recognize evil. To be able to see and recognize abuse in people as they do so. I have blinded myself, or perhaps I have never seen. I have refused to see selfish actions, selfish intentions. I have seen the world through rose-colored glasses. And I refused to let myself to see anything but a rose colored world. People, real people, in my world and everyday life, are acting selfishly. And there are real people that will take advantage of me. I have been too good-hearted and too giving. I am committed to what is best for all, which includes what is best for me. Allowing myself to be abused is not what is best for me. Allowing myself to not see and be on the look out for abusers and people that do evil is not what is best for me or others. I haven’t been living in THIS reality. I haven’t been here working with what is here, with the people that are here now. This is the reality right now, and throughout time I will put pressure to change it through people. Through supporting the change within the persons/people that are ready/willing. How can I create a world that is best for all if I am not able to see what is in fact here?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel fear and resistance to accepting that evil does exist, that manipulation does occur for selfish benefit, that abuse does occur, that such manipulation and abuse can occur to me by people in my life. Instead I realize that by being aware of such abuse and such evil existing, that I can actually act to stop it or prevent it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress all evil, all manipulations, all lies that occur in the world, in my world, in me, in others, where it is here for me to perceive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing and allowing myself to limit my perception and limit my ability by wanting ot believe that everyone is 100% good that there is no selfish evil intent, that everyone is innocent, that no one will abuse another for their own self-interest, that everyone is taking responsible for what they do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear saying or using the word evil, to fear saying or using the word manipulation, to fear saying or using the word lying, either silently to myself or aloud, to call an action as being a lie, as being evil, as being a manipulation or deception.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in denial of actions or intents of people to take advantage of me or other people for their personal benefit.

 Within this I realize by living in denial of other people taking advantage, that I have blinded myself to not only seeing other people as taking advantage, but also myself from taking advantage. Thus denying suppressing seeing evil is how evil continues to exist not only in this world and other people, but also in myself, even outside of my awareness!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and ashamed of acting within evil, instead of investigating why I am doing the evil acts, understanding the reasons and motivations, and sorting them out so they are aligned to what is best for all. Thus I don't need guilt or shame. I just need to investigate myself, learn what is going on, and simply make sure I am what is best for everyone/life, which includes me.

When and as I see evil either in myself or another - I stop and I breathe- I realize that suppressing or denying what I am seeing or making it seem better than what it is, or in any way shape, distort what I see so it is not in fact what is happening - I stop and I breathe- I realize to make things seem better or worse than what they are is a lie- I realize that making something seem good, okay, or acceptable, is a lie - I realize that I must be able to see what is happening here right now without the judgments, biases or desire for things being automatically good without requiring my action or intervention- I realize that by making things seem better or good that I am allowing for abuse to occur, I am allowing danger to occur, I am allowing harm to occur- I realize I am not the one that decides whether something, or someone is good or okay, it is the investigation and finding out that tells me how things ARE, thus it isn't my decision it is simply what I see directly. Deciding what you see is a manipulation or lie.

Thus I commit myself to be realistic, to be investigative, to be curious, to embrace the evil/good that is here so that I can understand it and change it to what is best for all, and so I can take responsibility for the outcome within myself and within others.