Yogan's Journey to Life

  When I would come home from school everyday, I would have two hours of free time to relax. My mom supported me to have this free time and would say this is your time to relax from school and perhaps eat a snack. Once the time ended I would do home work until it was done, which usually took the rest of the day. During this time I would either watch TV or play video games. There were specific shows I would follow or games I sought to continue and finish. I remember this was a time I looked forward to everyday. I was always extra happy when we got to go home early as this meant more time to play or watch tv and relax and not think about homework. I would get upset if my brother did not get off the computer after having played an hour. I would make sure I would confirm with him when he would be getting off so I could keep him to his word. Every Saturday I would wake up by nine to watch tv shows in the morning. I would probably play video games in the afternoon. So...

Excerpt of Skype chat: we had a meeting today for EMS our team, [8/14/12 6:59:27 PM] Yogan: but i could not be there because of my cousin's car accident   I Am Blaming My Cousin For The Car Accident And For Me Not Being At The Meeting Today. I Thought There Was Nothing I Could Do. I Felt Sad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think there was nothing I could do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think there was nothing I could do when I say I could not be at the ems meeting because of my cousin’s car accident. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought there was nothing I could do to the emotional experience known as sadness. When and as I see myself feeling sad while I am explaining to someone I could not be at the ems meeting because of my cousin’s car accident, i stop and breathe- I realize I really could not have done anything different and sometimes circumstance leads us. I realize...

I feel great fear when I think of starting classes again. I don’t want to feel fear in starting classes again as this will lower my performance. The thought of being behind in a class causes anxiety within me. As the assignment for dip is an assignment for a class I feel anxiety when I think I won’t finish it. I feel like I just want to runaway as in go on my laptop and surf the web or watch television shows, even ones I have already saw and where I feel no real enjoyment in doing so. This reminds me of playing video games where I even sometimes felt no enjoyment or just frustration yet played it. I see I am afraid of school, of responsibility for myself within school and being a student. I feel like I have no control of my situation that I am doomed to being in school and studying things that may not directly assist me and so within that I believe I will partially waste my time which I have judged as precious. Within writing out these words it feels like I am writing a scri...

Thought: I got passion in my pants and im not afraid to show show it. Im sexy and I know it. (lyric) I would have sex with a girl only in a agreement. But I have these thoughts where I react to thinking of girls. I think its ok to have sex with a girl if she agrees to it. But I know that there are consequences for having sex with someone you don’t know. And I have an anger reaction with thinking of my ex having sex with strangers she barely knows. I dreamt last night of having sex with girls I did not know. And I felt good within doing this.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have sex with girls I do not know as I am trying to escape responsibility to the outflows and consequences with sex with charging myself with energy through being angry with my ex through thoughts she is having sex with strangers which will only lead to the eventual mind possession of myself by the sex system demon. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mysel...