“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Connecting with my dogs 255


Connecting with my dogs.
I accessed my memories of who I was when I was very young. By accessing these memories I am accessing both who I was and who I could be. I have always had the potential to connect with people, animals, and plants. And I have done so in the past, during the years as a child. By accessing my memories of who I was when I was young, I can again do the same, and perhaps more. Because I was always limited in how much I connected with people, animals and plants, in my past. And now looking back I see that. So what I am seeing is the potential to connect even more.
When I connect with plants or my dogs, I become silent, and I focus on myself, what is here. My emotions are not activated, and my experience of myself isn’t fluctuation, but instead it’s continuous and steady. There is a connection formed, one that is firm, and clear. I may enter the mind, which involves thinking, but I can bring myself back here. Entering the mind becomes obvious because your connection disappears for that moment.
Also connecting with people, plants, or animals, is more satisfying and enjoyable than certain activities that I normally would do. It has a high value and level of enjoyment and satisfaction within it. And feels like you are feeling yourself here, and that you have a presence, that you yourself feel. And I have also found that I can just connect with myself, my presence, being, which is also equally enjoyable, as if I am connecting with someone, which is just me.
One moment where this connection became noticed by me, during this past weeks, was when I was in pain from a sickness, and when I compared how I felt and how I was in doing my usual activities to this connection, I definitely wanted the connection. I suspect that the sickness made it more apparent, perhaps through me being in such an uncomfortable state of my body, thus highlighting the differences in the experience of myself in making connections to my usual activities. Another dimension that may have existed was the prospect of death, and having lived a life where I never went after what was truly enjoyable or satisfying for me, or you could say what I truly wanted.
I have some clear memories of times where I was over-joyed and completely happy when I spent time with certain people. But I never really put in the effort to make such moments happened. I would more or less, wait for such moments and connections. I didn’t actively seek these connections, and when I did, it was always fixated on one person. One thing that I am applying now that is different is to open my possibilities to include as many people/beings as possible. And I found that by taking care of my part in opening myself up and inviting people in me, that that takes care of what I can do. The rest then is left for the other person to decide, which can only be a surprise for me.

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