“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Introduction

So one of the purposes of this blog will be to expose the negative and positive within me and how those is being patterned within everyone. How we as individuals live in a systematic predictable way, using the positive and negative as the excuses to live so. So I will make posts on my use of the positive and negative and describe the systemic behavior, emotional, thought patterns within me. This is an open journey so I do not know what twists and turns I will make, however this is where I will start. It will be cool to write 100 posts on 100 different patterns/systems. So this is my commitment to do this cool thing.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Self-forgiveness D90


I have this weird sensation in my ear, so Im going to say self-forgiveness until it stops.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to hide secrets from me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be completely open with myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am evil.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time in thoughts about who I am, instead of how I will live and what I will do with my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to care about what other people think who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give such value to the words that we as society share amongst ourselves and within heads, that I get completely lost in what the words mean, instead of focusing on the real meaning and only meaning which is ourselves, the actual life of our bodies and the things surrounding us in the physical world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow a single iota of a second for word to not be used in the service of what is best for all by serving ourselves to reach our highest potential as guardians of this planet and ourselves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make myself the most powerful person possible in this life so I can serve what is best for all, because what is best for all is best for me too.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt myself for no reason.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard myself for no reason.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to stop caring for no reason, when there is all the reason to not do these things, since they do not support an outcome that is really best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear, since fear is quite silly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself all and everything that truly does support me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take away all and everything that truly does not support me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of creating myself and being completely responsible for who I become.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being responsible for what I do, what happens to me, what this life will be.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as not determined and not focused.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as not clear and not in direction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as not ambitious and not practical.
I commit myself to become all things that I am not.
When and as I see myself as needing help, I will breathe and then sit down and write. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to take full responsibility for who I was in all of my past relationships.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be willing to learn from who I was in all of my past relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having power to change my life and this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear.
I forgot all about the sensation in my ear. So I will just do just that, forget about it, its not that important.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Stop thinking about what other people think. And you are left with your own thoughts. D89


Throughout the day I am riddle with thoughts about what other people think: about me, about this, that, whether they feel happy, sad, angry. As a result I feel so overwhelm with guilt and self-consciousness, and blah, that I start thinking stuff on the line of I have to kill myself. It gets  filled up like a steam cannon and I just feel like I have no way out, and so I implode in a sense. But when I stop thinking about what other people think I already feel a bit relieved and the backchat loses its power, and I can take an assuring breath. By stop I mean I literally just stop within myself. I just do it. I stop. And it works as long as I stop in each moment. And now I can see that all thoughts are me, are my thoughts. Before I couldn't. So I guess the lesson is when you think about what other people think you start believing that your thoughts are not your own responsibility, they are in a sense not yours, which is not true. So stop thinking about what other people think, if you want to begin to know the truth of yourself and this reality. Thanks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend one iota of a second on what other people think.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give such value to thoughts that I accepted the thought that it is impossible to operate without thinking constantly about others and their minds and thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow automatic thinking about what others think, instead of stopping all thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive and believe that the thoughts I had about what others think are not really my thoughts that they were really me assessing the situation when really they were automatic and made judgements that could not be based in fact, and so were rooted in speculation and assumptions that were never tested rigorously.

When and as I see myself thinking about what other people think, I stop, and I breathe- I realize thinking will not help me ever - I realize that thinking about what others think will not help me in whatever situation I am in, in understanding the person, or situation or an event - I realize that thinking does not present reality, only fiction- I realize I cannot function effectively in reality or achieve my goals if I am constantly thinking about what others think- I realize thinking is a waste of time and energy- I realize that if I want to get to know someone that I will not get to know them by thinking about what they could be thinking.

I commit myself to stop constantly thinking about what other people could be thinking and to investigate my own thoughts and take responsibility for them.