“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Self (2) - Day 56


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy my depression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter my depression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see depression as me, when I have no clue how it operates and I don’t know what it consists of.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust depression, which leads to my self-harm.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing depression within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge depression as bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I must judge something as bad before I can stop.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from what is here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from change.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from self-direction and action.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry more about how I will appear when I do something than what I do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give so much value to appearance that I am willing to live a lie.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the perception of others before myself and life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the value life and living.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the value of self-honesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from  others by separating myself from being here, and placing value on the perception of others, which is only a perception of a perception, and not the others at all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss myself within allowing a perception of a perception to rule my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see direct, what is here, and what has been here this whole time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing energy within my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing conflict within me, instead of me standing firm as who I am, as best for all, as equal value and equal living.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand as self-direction in every field, every way, every word, every moment, and every movement.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand as honesty in every moment, every movement, every breath, every touch, every spoken word, every kiss, every taste, every pain, every feeling, every pressure, every bump, every sound, every muscle, every cell, every sensation, every thought, every emotion, every reaction, every itch, every scratch, every fear, every rush, every word, conversation, moment shared with a person, interaction with a person; how I treat another person is how I treat myself. Who I am with another person is who I am with myself. What I live in any moment determines who I am. What I choose to live now will be lived and be real for that moment. Who am I?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self-destruction within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing war within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing limitation of growth within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to choose the lesser path.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not align myself to the life that is difficult for most, that requires a great amount of dedication and time, that most think is impossible to do, that I claim all can do but few choose to, that I know I am capable of, that I do not care if I fail but will give it everything I got, that I will try my best, where trying means doing it right and well, that I do everything I can to overcome every adversity, and every challenge, that I use questioning as a tool to expand and grow, to achieve more and do things better, that I use words to the fullest capability to have the greatest effect, that I utilize all resources, all chances, and opportunities that combine together to have the greatest effect possible, that I exclude that which is a limitation, that I even include the essence of who I am as a directive force to push me as myself, where I utilize the mind as a test, where I utilize every sensation and experience as a test of who I am, that I use only the tools which lead to the intended result, that I grow and expand as who I am, to include all life as the definition of life, and what it really means to be human and to live on this earth.
I commit myself to face every anger and pain head on as myself.
I commit myself to face every sadness and depression head on as myself.
I commit myself to face every opposition as myself, recognizing we are equal and one.
I commit myself to face every past moment as myself.
I commit myself to recognize that memories are trapped time, and as long as they are allowed to exist in separation they will rule our/my life, so I commit myself to realign myself with and as memories as a record of who I have been and as a way to test who I am now by seeing who am I when I am looking at this image of this memory, asking myself questions, am I reacting? Who do I become when I am faced with this memory/moment? And who am I really, who do I want to be when faced with this moment again? How can I consider life and all actors in this memory as equals? How can I live as an equal, utilizing this memory as a resource?
Similarly, thoughts, emotions, feelings, mind, are all really myself/ourselves existing in separation of myself/ourselves, and really revealing who WE ARE. When we are given a thought about suicide, do we suicide? Is that who we are? We determine who we are, and are thoughts simply reveal whether we are really directing our lives. Are we here?
There exists no special point in existence. None. All that exists is us. We can live and become special. We can be amazing, by living in oneness and equality with ourselves, and everything. Imagine, all points being equal. No more superiority, no more inferiority, just equality. Give life to All and give it to yourself. This is where confidence is found too. A confidence that is honor-bound because it is Life-bound. Bind yourself to Life. Bind yourself to what is real. Bind yourself to reality. Never let go of reality, what is real, what exists, and the essential truth that all is equal. Imgine every single expression is possible, there is no limitation. Not in thought, not in imagination, not in possibility, not in memory, not in anything. If you call abuse, and torture, and pain, and inferiority-superiority constructs freedom, it’s not! It is simply abuse. It is separation. As well as an inherent contradiction, because you would not want to do the same thing to yourself. No one really wants to exist in pain, suffering, depression, torture. No one. Any other claim is a lie. We trick ourselves into believing that some can want this, but realize the point is always motivated to seek a relief to seek a way out. Even addicts are in this cycle. Addicts want relief that’s why they continue with their addiction. It is simply short-sighted. See the GRANDER picture. Use your imagination, think outside the box. See beyond what you believe and have been told. Be open-minded. Consider the possibility. See equality. And if you are a man of worth you will stand by all as one and equal because you see yourself and you understand. There are no excuses. No limitations, no biological restraints. As you read this you know the truth that is written here. Because its you, if you dare to recognize yourself. Stop all fighting. Stop all Conflict. Stop all War. Stop all Abuse. Stop All Pain and Suffering. Stop all Torture. Stop all Killing. Stop the Rape. Stop the Murder. Stop.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Day-55: Standing up (1)

 
Below is an email I received from change.org,
Release my boyfriend and soup kitchen manager Donald Perry, in prison since August for offering a ride to a homeless man.
Sign My Petition
Yogan -
In 2011, my boyfriend Donald Perry -- a manager at a soup kitchen and homeless outreach center in western Massachusetts -- was pulled over and arrested. His crime? He gave a ride to a homeless man who, though Donald didn't know it, had stolen items with him including an iPad.

When the man realized the police were using GPS to track the iPad to Donald's car, he fled -- leaving Donald to be arrested. But although Donald was acquitted by a jury in July, he is still in prison seven months later.
At the time of his arrest, Donald was on parole for a robbery he committed 30 years ago. But since then, Donald has been one of the Parole Board's great success stories -- especially because of his tireless service to the homeless. Donald isn't a danger to society -- he's a loving father, grandfather, partner and public servant. He should be home with me, not in prison.
When Donald first told me he was on parole, I wanted to cut the relationship off. But he won me over with his commitment to serving those in need and his boundless love for his children and grandchildren. We were working hard and we were happy -- we were even planning our next vacation together.
As of today, Donald has been in prison for 17 months. He is surrounded by men who feel hopeless and in some cases are mentally ill and physically dangerous. It is terrifying that a hearing next month could decide whether or not he goes home -- or stays in prison for years to come even though a jury acquitted him.
We've been so touched by the outpouring of support for Donald from our community that we're ready to open up to the possibility that many more people around the country could stand with us to call on the Parole Board to let Donald come home. If thousands of people sign my petition, I think we have a real chance the Parole Board will listen.
Thank you.
Elaine Arsenault
Montague, Massachusetts


When I look at our government, I see that it is designed as a kind of punisher or controller that people want to be placed unto themselves. In other words, people like that they are controlled and manipulated and told what to do. Why would they like this? Bottom line, energy. Because the system enables them to hoard more and more energy as stuff or things or other people, in relationships, or children etc... Freedom is evil. If I give freedom for evil to exist, then this freedom is an evil thing, isn't it? I have been struggling with what is wrong or right, and whether who i am is wrong or right. One thing that should be removed is energy. One thing that should be stopped is energy. One thing that we need to give up is energy. We need to take responsibility. I need to take responsibility. I need to give up energy. I need to stop participating and following energy. I need to stand up and direct myself with and as myself. I need to stand one and equal with myself to change. I have to stop existing in an inferiority complex to myself. I need to take responsibility and forgive myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight with myself, and see myself as inferior to myself and unable to stand up one and equal with myself. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow energy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust energy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my own thoughts to be telling the truth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never question my thoughts. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not change with and as my thoughts, to stop thoughts as myself because they lead to my self-destruction. 
When and as I see myself thinking I don't know what to do, and I clench my jaw - I stop and I breathe - I realize that I need to find out what will be most supportive or beneficial to all for me to take on in this moment. I realize that entering into inferiority and pessimism will not help me find out what to do, and decide what I will do, and do that which is best for all or takes all points into consideration.
I commit myself to live moment to moment, taking into consideration that which is needed or needs to get done to the benefit of all as one and equal. 
As an individual we are direct contributors to the law, legal, business, economic, and political sectors. In other words, we can propose a new law, legal, business etc... model, one that is compassionate and all-beneficial. See equalmoney.org for this kind of model. Also read the Economist's Journey to Life blog for info on Equal Money Capitalism
 

 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The limitation of Knowledge and Information.

So knowledge and information can never be a guiding principle for reality because knowledge and information is not a principle. Knowledge and Information can prove or justify any behavior/action: I hit him because the sky is blue or his skin is yellow or my shoes are untied. This is a logical statement, however anyone with a shred of dignity knows this is wrong on so many levels. Therefore what we should do, what we ought to do, can never be explained by Science or knowledge and information. And that is why what is best for all is always the only option to choose. Because it is itself what is best for all. If this resonates with you, visit the articles at the Desteni website: desteni.org, and read on what is best for all.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Day 54: Are We All Doomed?

It is difficult for me to share on blogger without somehow caring about who reads this. In other words I manipulate my writing. I see this as a problem because this does not support ME. This is a problem because it does not support me. I need to correct this and support me. Today I went to a talk hosted on campus. The speaker was from the Ben & Jerry ice cream company. He was Jerry, who helped founded the company. It was a nice talk and all about spiritualizing business, and incorporating the community, giving back money to community, supporting social movements. Anyway, so after there was free ice cream. I was watching myself, and i was seeing how when standing in line and walking to the reception there was this automatic push when the line in front moved forward. I noticed this. I did not want to participate in this automaticity. I saw it as a fear of someone behind me getting in front. So i relaxed, and moved slowly at a comfortable place because you know what? that if your in the back of the line there is no hurry to move up, it wont help you get icecream faster, unless you skip people. So there is like this general fear of people cutting you, so you move ahead to prevent that possibility, you try and protect your space by conquering it first, lol. So i moved slowly, and i noticed some guy moving up faster than me who were behind me. I decided that if they moved up it would be no big deal, that it would take literally some seconds more so it would not be a big deal. There was a guy who was serving ice cream that said there were five lines for ice cream. So I immediately moved up and carefully decided what i wanted.
Later after eating icecream, i sat with others. I sat for a while. I had thoughts run through, that i don't know what to do... and so i started panicking inside. My hand went to my face. I felt sad-ish, more like stuck or tormented. A friend ask whether i died after eating my ice cream. I immediately smiled, and said yeah. This was just a reaction. Looking at everyone who was chatting and having a good time, I could not believe that they would be doing this in the same room as me as i sat there like this. I would months before think that i need to change to be happy and join them. When really who are these people that only care for their happiness that they would not lend a helping hand to someone who was distressed? I realized that when the push came to shove, most would not step in. I can't live in a world where people stand by and watch other people suffer. That is simply not acceptable. I can't accept that. SO in that moment, i dropped what i was feeling. I want to be there and support others when they need support. I want to be a caring being in fact. I want to care in the way that no one has ever cared for me, except maybe my mom.
But i want to include everyone, not just me. And exclude those who simply reject the idea of supporting others and yourself, until they're ready. I am willing to take the first step in being that which no one wants to be, to care, to love/live for real.
SO no more wanting to be more than others.
No more seeking attention to feel better, because that would be accepting some inner defect.
Just a continuous correction in every moment, living WHO YOU ARE, as what you realize is REAL because it is the point of originality of who you are beyond limitations that you accept yourself to live, like for example the limitation to NOT see something wrong in the world, like in people, any person... every person, how we for example do not help and only focus on our happiness and blame others and do not care for the suffering of others, and leave them alone, and isolate them, and focus on creating the upsurdity of dream-making of lights and colors, and enjoyment and fulfillment that DISREGARDS ANYONE OR ANYTHING REALLLLLLLLLL, like me or you, or anything else that is realllll, that you can touch or see in the 3D. The abstract, the mind is meaningless. Words are meaningless, and only are important as the Purpose they serve in AFFECTING reality. SO its What You Do, are you Living Your Words??? Are you Feeling the Reality? Are you intimate with hands and feet? Are you picking words that will have the maximum effect, the effect you are aiming for that reveals that which you truly Value. Are you taking the Risks necessary to Reach the Value, that possibility of a Life worthwhile. The whole existence for me has been a Test of who i am, what i accept and allow. And for me this has been the only value, Life, the statement: Life for Life, which can be translated to Life for itself. Something that Does Not consider itself cannot stand, right??? So this is the lesson Humanity, listen close... If you do not recognize life as yourself, if you fail to recognize the life that is right in front of your eyes, then we die, and nothing will remain, which is only the result you would expect. There are many traps, and the moments to stand are far in between, so when that door opens you step in it. Thats the advice i can give.
LuCKKSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!