“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Day 5 Suffering

The past year in the half I have been reeling in suffering. I have been giving up too easily. I get cranky. I don't clean up my messes and haven't been doing all my responsibilities. I have been doing less. And what I have been trying to do is to figure out why. I don't know. I have pushed myself to do more/better but it hasn't worked.

I went through an experienced about a year and a half ago. I also went through experiences the last 3 years. I have met certain people, spent time with them. In short I faced evil. I faced moments with people where they were truly evil. They deceived me, lied to me. They did it with a smile. They took and still continue to take advantage of people everyday, even right now as I write this. And there is nothing I can do to make them stop. I am powerless.

Bernard once said sometimes you have risk getting screwed over. And I believe that, and I still believe it. Because this life is too short, and valuable to waste not trying new things. But I have to change something, in how I feel and react. I need to be stronger where I can face evil, the sight of evil and not react and fall apart. Maybe even find a way to direct it as Bernard would. Bernard in his videos could speak in such a way like its challenging and taking on the very evil of this world. I can't do that yet. But becoming that way seems to be part of what it means to be alive. Because how can I exist or any person continue to exist seeing and witnesses evil in this world and do nothing to direct it or stop it?

I want a better world.

And being a coward, being someone who just witnesses people doing bad things to people, people taking advantage, people lying, people manipulating deceiving, justifying what is not best for all, making excuses, being bullies. I don't want to be mad. And I won't. Anger is not a solution. And Bernard was never angry. I could hear it in his voice. He could be perceived as anger, and maybe sound angry, but he wasn't. He was just speaking what is best for all. Like the same way a parent speaking to their child about something really horrible they have been doing. I mean, what I would give to have someone be and speak what is best for all in my life. To hear that voice of standing by and with everyone, by and with life. Because pretty much everyone right now has enemies, has some group of people they don't like or accept. Bernard spoke with understanding and knew how every is one and equal, is just a being, is just a man. Bernard was just a man, like you and me. We are all just people. We can all change and be better.

The way I have been living can't continue. And its not about superficial things. Its not about procrastination or any of that stuff. Its about one thing. Who am I and what do I do in the face of evil? I am scared to confront people, to call it out, to direct the person and situation. I have so many times in the past just left and said nothing. And I can feel it inside of me, like the knowing that there is a better way for me.

I can feel all the mind programs within me, telling me to feel embarrassed to call a person out on doing something evil. I can feel the doubt it tries to bring up, to make me now the bad person that I shouldn't say anything, that its not my place, that evil doesn't exist.

Evil does exist. People have and are doing evil things. People I know. People harming other people with their words. People lying and manipulating and getting away with it. People corrupting children. People making a living destroying the lives of others.

And I know what people will say. That I should only focus on myself. That I shouldn't and can't say such things about other people. That its wrong and bad to speak about such things.But this is just justifying the evil in this world, justifying not taking action, not trying to help/support.

I can hear the excuses and attacks. I can feel the fear of what could happen if I share these words if I do speak out and act.

But I am making a decision. You either join me in calling out the evil in this world or you don't. So yes you may say to me not to do this, you may say whatever you want to get me to stop. All that means to me is that you won't join me. Or you can join me. Because how much longer can you continue to see suffering all around you and do nothing? How much longer will you continue to do evil things? How much longer? How many more people need to get hurt? More children? More land, the earth, animals, pets? How much more hurt do you need to do to yourself before you stop?

I have been hurting the past year and half. I witnessed suffering and abuse, and I haven't exposed it, shared it online, called it out. I haven't done this in a while, but I used to. There is so much suffering that we cause, all of us. Someone needs to call it out. Someone needs to keep us honest.Someone needs to help us to stop, look and see.

This world is full of suffering and I only know cowards, people who justify it and excuse it, Enable it. How many people do I know that are standing up to change it, or expose it, who speak about the suffering, who call it out?

I need to be this person, I need to do this. Both for me, and for everyone. This used to be the point that got me out of bed in the morning. Everyone/Everything/this existence is worth living for.

So its time to start giving a fuck.


So my lesson I learned these last years witnessing this evil. When you meet someone and get to know someone, how much love and good they do and create is shitless, meaningless. The only QUESTION you need to ask is How Much Suffering do they create in their lives and those around them? How much Suffering do they prevent, how much are they doing to stop the Suffering in the world? Do they talk about it or avoid the subject completely. THAT is the TRUE and ONLY measure of the worth and value of a person. I met many people who are KIND, NICE, FRIENDLY and POSITIVE. They were loving, they made me laugh, they were friendly. But looking at the suffering they caused and abuse to others, it was tremendous. TREMENDOUS. They wrecked entire lives, they lied, manipulated, cheated, caused fear in others, bullied others, controlled others, created fights, created problems, created mayhem.

So FUCK love. The only thing matters is how much suffering are you causing?  Because that is your true face, not the one you put up to justify all the harm you do. FUCK smiles, FUCK pleasantry, FUCK Kindness and Friendliness. What matters is what you actually do to those around you, which includes behind closed doors and inside your own imagination. What matters is whether you stand by, with and as Life? Or are you willing to Fuck life for your own pleasure?

If you do, then fuck you. That is some evil shit and it needs to stop.

And I will be there to call it out. I will be online writing, exposing the evil. The evil that I see, the evil in this world, and I will bring it to self-forgiveness. Because we are the mother fuckers of this world.

If you ask me who am I to call out evil in this world, what gives ME the Right? Then Read my blogs. I have been absolutely shameless in sharing my evil shit. I exposed it exactly. There is no evil shit that I will hide or am afraid to share/speak. I know what I did and I forgave myself, I changed. You can read my blogs and see. No one, nothing is above from doing doing self-forgiveness. We all can, We all can change, no matter who we are, no matter what we have done, no matter how bad or evil, you can forgive yourself and change. So you are in fact responsible.

Just like how I am responsible for writing these blogs, which I can and so must do. So get ready to say fuck you to the evil inside yourself and get ready to change, its gonna be a bumpy ride.


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