The Self is the key. You are the key. If you want to make things better, focus on yourself. Do you have a relationship with yourself? Are you able to hold yourself and know yourself? Do you know what you are feeling? Do you know what you are thinking? Are you here with yourself? Do you Know yourself?

Self is the Key. You are the Key. You have the power. You are the power. You need to know the power. You need to know yourself. You need to know who you are right now in this moment in what you are thinking and feeling. And you need to start stopping whatever it is that is not best for you. You need to start stopping that which is harmful to Life.

Be the Self that is Free from all limitation, pain, abuse, destruction, and full of creation, ability, and potential. You start becoming through self-forgiveness.

Would you like to have a relationship with Your self?

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Day 25 The Point of Feeling Nothing

So, the moment of Feeling Nothing.
The point where you get to where you Feel Nothing.
The place/space where you feel Nothing.

So the point where you feel nothing, is where you can see what you truly want. Why?

It is logical why. The logic is that if you feel something, and then you try to see what you want, then what you want will be based on how you feel. Consider.

If you feel hungry, thirsty, or tired, you will see what you want is food, water or sleep. But is that what you really want?

If you feel lonely, sad, or anger, you will say that you want company, to feel happy, or to get revenge. But is that what you really want?

Whatever you FEEL in this moment, will influence your answer of what you want. Can you agree with that? That there is an influence? Im not saying its bad, right or wrong. I am saying it as a FACT. Do you agree that when you ask someone what they want, that how they FEEL will determine to an extent their answer?I understand that some people have greater willpower etc...

Now the question I have is were you even aware of this? Were you EVEN aware that how you are feeling is determining what you DO. Like, when people over eat in order to make themselves FEEL BETTER?  Or when people over exercise in order to make themselves FEEL BETTER? Or when people attack other people verbally, in order to make themselves FEEL BETTER?

So can you agree that much of what we DO is based on how we FEEL right now?
yes? No?

So theoretically if we feel nothing then we do nothing? Is that true?

When I tested this I found that when you Feel Nothing, that in order for you to do something you need to move yourself. No longer are you motivated by what you feel. And the question here is what do you want?

Can you want anything when you feel nothing? What happens when you ask someone what they want when they feel nothing?

The point of nothingness is that it is the place where you can be the Real You. Because the answer you give when you are asked what do you WANT. that is the Real Want. What do you want that fulfills that NEED in your SOUL. That is something deeper. A real deep want, which leads to a real deep completion, and sense of Self. It leads to a real presence, a real fulfillment.

I mean, WTF am I talking about?

I am talking about something you may have never experienced. Complete and utter satisfaction with your life and who you are, as a part of everything. Because right now, everything you want is based on what you happen to Feel. Why in the hell do you even feel these things?

Why do you feel Anger?

Why do you feel Sadness?

Why do you feel Loneliness?


What happens when you address what you feel? What happens when you try fixing yourself by giving what you want based on what you feel? What happens when you fulfill the want of anger? Fulfill the want of Sadness? What happens when you do things that somehow fill the void of your emotions? What happens?

It doesn't work, does it?  How long does it work for?

Do you really think that the way to happiness is to do whatever it takes to get rid of the anger, sadness and lonliness? Become more sociable, become more agreeable, fight those people, fight evil, make other happy, do this, do that.

Is that really the answer?

What about what YOU WANT. What do you REALLY WANT?

Is this what you really want? To have everyone like you? To fight evil? Is this a full and complete life?

Who are you?

Where the hell did these emotions and ideas come from? Where the hell did you get the idea that this is what it means to be alive?

As long as you allow yourself to validate what you feel. As long as you do whatever the hell that it wants you to do. As long as you live for the emotions itself. You won't be able to live what you want.

All and every single idea of what you want, is not real. Because its based on who you are now, and who you are now is someone based in their emotions. That is who you are. Every time you think about what you WANT, you will be thinking based on what you Feel. Only when you get to the point of stopping what you feel, where you feel nothing and then you can with honesty see what you want, then that's real.

The Fact right now is that Humans make all their decisions based on what they feel. They feel good with these people. They feel good with this drug. They feel good at this job. They feel good.... Or they are scared of this happening, they are scared of not having money, they are scared of being alone, they are scared of what others will think.

Everything people do is based on what they are feeling in the moment. Are they horny? Are they hungry? Thirsty? Anger? Sad? Jealous? Afraid? That is how it is possible to manipulate someone!

Someone who doesn't feel anything can't be manipulated.

If you had a leader, or you were a leader, what would be the best leader? Obviously someone who wouldn't be manipulated. Someone who wouldn't feel anything.

If you want to be honest, and have integrity, you can't feel anything. If you want to be the best person possible you can't feel anything.

And its not a sacrifice, its a gift!!!! It's something to learn. It's a skill/ability.

You see it in movies and TV shows, your emotions make you who you are. Without your emotions you wouldn't be yourself. Exactly!!!! You no longer will be someone who is manipulated, or be someone that takes revenge, or someone that is abusing yourself.

What do you think would happen to addicts if they no longer felt good with their addiction, or feel bad with it?

To be an addict requires you to feel!

To be a terrorist requires you to feel!

To murder requires you to feel!

To want to do harm to others or yourself requires you to feel something about it.

The question here is BEYOND everything you feel, what do you truly want?

Beyond feeling, beyond emotions. What is there?

I mean you don't know. Cause right now you feel something about these words on the screen. You feel maybe anger, or maybe fear. Maybe you feel insulted. Maybe you feel resistance. How can you even know?

You are your emotions. You can NEVER see beyond your emotions, unless you drop it somehow.

Who are you without feeling or emotions?

 The thing that you want right now is to Feel.

You WANT to have emotions, to feel. WHY??????????????

Have you ever explored anything beyond what you feel?

Have you ever considered that you never made such a decision.
You never decided I want to Feel.You just want to Feel.

Why do you want to feel anger?

Why do you want to feel sadness?

Why do you want to feel lonliness?

Is this all you are?

Is there more to life?

Why is every bone and fiber in your being resisting this message?

What are you so afraid of?

It is you!

Can you not decide who you are?

Can you not explore?

Can you not test it out?

What if I told you that all the problems that you are creating in your life is because you simply accept and allow yourself to act out what you feel in the moment.

I feel lazy. I feel tired. I feel annoyed. I feel irritated. I feel disrespected. I feel worthless. I feel stupid. I feel dumb. I feel sad. I feel mad.

What problems have you caused in your life based on these words?

What happens when you say hell no. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel I am dumb.

What happens if you no longer feel the way you feel?

What happens when you no longer feel?

You have absolute power to create yourself.

Start with Self-forgiveness. Start with stopping what you feel. Forgive yourself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel...

Monday, August 14, 2017

Day 24 Living Words

Living Words.

Verb Noun.

Living as a verb. Living Words.

Living the word Determined.

Living the word Touch.

Living the word Paint.

When you live a word, Nothing else exists.

When living a word, the world fades away. Your past, your history, your future, yourself disappears. All that exists is you and the word.

When you live a word, the only thing that exists is you and the word.

When you live the word Determined, the only thing that exists is Determination.

You Are Determination.

When you Live the word Determination, you Are Determination.

When you Live the word Touch, you Are Touch.

When you live the word Paint, you Are Paint.

Nothing else exists. Everything else fades away.

You completely embody the word. You are the word.

There is no thought.

You can Feel Determination in your arms, legs, blood. You are it.

You become Determination in that moment.

You can Live words with something. You can live words through something.

You can Live the word Determination with painting.
You can Live the word Determination with Work.
You can Live the word Determination with playing a game.

You can Live the word Fun through Touch.
You can Live the word Fun through Dance.
You can Live the word Fun through playing a game.

You can Live a word with your wants and needs.

You can Live the word Determination with something you need to do.
You can Live the word Fun with something you want to do.

You can Live the word Fun with something you need to do.
You can Live the word Determination with something you want to do.

You can.

You decide what word to Live.
You are the one that Lives the word.
You are the one that decides.

Can means you can. Can doesn't mean you have to.

If you don't decide, then its your decision to give up your decision.

You can decide to not Live any words. What happens is nothing. You are nothing. Nothing is nothing.

Do you want to be nothing?
Or do you want to Live?

You can Live by Living words.

When you Live the word Fun through painting, you are living both the word Fun and Painting. You are living two words. You can live any number of words.

You can live four words. Or five.

You can always be Living a Word.

The words you Live will change.

In one moment you may Live Fun.

In one moment you may Live Determination.

In one moment you may Live Determination, Fun, Painting, and Touch.

You will be Learning New words to Live.

You will try living new words.

You will find that you have already Lived some words in Some pasts moments.

You will find that the best times in your Life were when you were living words.

You will find that you are Most Effective when you are Living Words.

You will find that when you Live a word you are not thinking about random things, and nothing else exists, and you become the word.

You will find you become more creative when you Live Words.

You will find that Living Words is great power, requires you to be real, opens your Life.

You will find that you are the Creator of Your Life and Experience.

You will realize you have more power than you believe.

The Desteni of Life, is to live as Life.

To live. To live words. To live. Nothing else exists.  You are the Word. You are the Expression. You are the moment. Oneness and Equality.

In such a world, there is no bad/good. Judgment. In such a moment, there is no good/bad, judgment. When you Live words, its pure creativity. There is no such thing as bad art. There is no such thing as bad dancing. There is no such thing as bad singing. Dance, sing, paint like you are the only one that exist. When you Live words everything Fades away, it is just you Living the word. There is no good, there is just You and Life.

All thought, judgment, perceptions don't exist. You exist. This body exists.

You start to being aware of the body and how it feels. You start taking care of your body. You start expressing, moving, and doing in ways that is comfortable for your body. You start addressing pains. You start addressing weaknesses. You start strengthening. You start stretching.

You start giving yourself what you want, through living words. You start addressing your wants/desire, through living words that fulfill them.

We are all in this Together. Oneness and Equality. There is really just the one Self. We all work the same. We can all Live Words. This is what it means it to Live. We are each other. We are Self. We are the words we live.

All thoughts, emotions and feelings are shadows of Living Words. They are not You Living a Word.

Living Words is a solution. Thinking, having an emotion, having a feeling is not a solution. Living words is you living something. It is you becoming something in your body in physical reality. You can feel your body when you live words.

When you are thinking about something, and feeling something about what you think, that is NOT giving yourself what you want. Actually Living a Word to Give yourself what you want is real. What you think is not in physical reality. But you are in physical reality.

You don't use Living Words to Get Something in Reality in the Future.

You don't wait when Living Words.

You are not looking into the Future with Living Words.

With Living Words, you are here, and now, and you are giving yourself now. You are Living now.

When you are thinking you are looking into the future, you are waiting, you are creating feelings/emotions thinking about how things could be.

Living Words is all here.

Living a word is here, now.

You don't wait to Live. You are either Living or not living.

You are either Living a word, or you are not Living a word.

You are either Living a word or you thinking and waiting.

When you are Living a word, you are alive.

When you are thinking and having feelings, you are dead.

When you Live words you FEEL your body physically. You FEEL the air, You feel with/through your body. You are here with your body.

Living Words requires your Being/Spirit. Time Doesn't exist. Everything stands still.

Living Words requires being Live, as in being recorded Live. You are Live! Live on air.

Being A-live. Alive. Being alive you always know what to do here and now. If you are not Alive, then you won't be able to handle being Live, right here, now.

You stand with your being/spirit and with your body. You don't stand for the mind.

When you are Living words, there is no such thing as emotions and feelings. Which means no energy that moves you, that you react with hate, anger, irritation, fear, or love, rush, addiction, pleasurable need, lack.

Living Words you are full and content, not hungry or lacking.

With emotions and Feelings, you are hungry and lacking. Hungry for love, lacking love, hungry for pleasure, lacking pleasure.

Possessed with anger, possessed with fear, possessed with irritation. This is not Living Words.

When you live a word, you are full immediately. The enjoyment is Here, now. The experience is not out there in the future, outside of you. The experience IS YOU. You are the experience, you are creating the experience, you are experiencing the body, you are experiencing the physical. There is no hunger or lack of experience.

When you are Living words, you are Living it. You are the director. Nothing is possessing you, or forcing you are moving you to do it. In fact you will have moments of resistance to NOT do it. But NEVER will there be something that forces you to live word, or pushes you, that is NOT you. You are the only point in existence that will be pushing you WITHIN yourself to Live Words.

Anger will try to get you Angry. Fear will try to get you to Fear. Irritation will try to get you irritated. Your hunger for love will push you to seek for love outside of yourself. Your hunger for rush and pleasure will push you to seek pleasure and rush outside of yourself.

When you Live words like Fun, you will be pushing yourself to Be Fun, and Live fun. You won't be pushed by some force within you to Be Fun or Live Fun. That will NEVER HAPPEN. That Will NEVER HAPPEN. That will NEVER HAPPEN.

So if something is pushing you within you, it is the mind.

When you push yourself to live words it is you. When you LIVE FUN, it is 100% You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are your creation.

Resource for Living Words:    "At the School of Ultimate Living we have come to realise the power of words and the empowerment you can attain in your relationship with yourself, others and life itself...." 

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Day 23 Relationships and Love

So, I highly advise you read my latest blogs, and all the articles/material from Desteni. Because there it covers all the dimensions that I won't be covering in this blog. There are many problems with love and relationships. In this blog your mind will perceive it as me talking about the positive things of relationship the good. So let's talk about it.

Even though this will sound GOOD, it is not good. It just is. It's truth. Only your mind perceives it as good.


So relationships are natural, inevitable. Every relationship you have an opportunity to grow, to learn about yourself through another.

You know those great relationships? Great people in your life? The ones you laugh with, smile with and enjoy?

So those exist or existed or will exist.

Remember that for a moment.

One thing that is certain is the relationship will end. Because death is certain.

Who are you when you no longer have the relationship.

You are mourning, and sad. You are torn.

Everything that the person represented to you, is now gone.

Okay, so now I am going to say somethings that your mind perceives as bad. But its not bad, its just truth.

If you only enjoy other people and the relationship, and then the relationship ends, and you mourn. You haven't yet learned anything. Learning takes place where you become something new. If you have someone great, then learn to be like them. If you are able to let them go at any moment and not change who you are, then you are whole.


Being so joyful, so amazing, with so much laughter, with so much expression and movement, being so much for yourself alone. Would you NEED someone else?

Would you rather have someone in your life that NEEDS you, or is whole and complete as themselves and they SHARE who they are with you as an equal.

Do you want to be surrounded by equals or people who are empty inside, lacking, needing?

Every relationship with Another person is temporary, but your relationship with yourself is forever.

You are the point.

This blog is NOT about breaking up with your partners, or not going into relationships. NO.

This blog is about realizing YOU are what matters. You are the Point. And whether you are IN a relationship or NOT, guess what, you still have YOU. So who are YOU? Because people BOTH use relationship to run away from themselves, and they run away from people to run away from themselves.

The right choice? The right choice is to face yourself, know thyself, work with thyself, and be whole/complete.

USE other people. USE them as ways to help you develop your relationship with yourself.

Be selfish in this regard. The greater person you are, the greatest person you are for yourself and for everyone. There is only one greatness.

If you ever meet a great man or woman, someone who is really special, someone who you can LEARN from, then fucking celebrate and learn. Most people attack such people.

If you see people around you Learning, fucking celebrate. Celebrate the fact if someone is greater than you, because NOW you have someone you can learn from.

Get over your own ego and realize that we are all in this together and it is all about SELF, and so

its about YOU sorting YOU out. No amount of complaining, react, blaming, or action will mean shit, unless you start with YOU. 

The same I could say. No amount of relationships, no amount of sex, no amount of babies, no amount of money, no amount of fame, no amount of whatever, will mean shit unless you sort out you. Who you are leads to what you do. If you break up with the world, and are alone, it still don't mean shit unless you work on you. So just work on you, wherever you are. The rest doesn't matter. In the end we all die. In the end, we lose everyone, and everything. In the end we only have ourselves. So the question here is, are you ready to Live with yourself?

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Day 22 I Remember

Remembering my life and who I have been. I have been many different persons.

I once was a person very much in love and obsessed with one person. I remember all the love and pain I felt. I was in so much emotional pain. Remembering the emotional pain I felt, it feels like no physical pain would mean anything in comparison to that. This is my evidence that love is the real evil.

I once had the relationship I wanted. I had lots of sex. I felt close, intimate. Then I found out the person was someone who was not committed to me. I realized that I made a mistake. I realize I needed to change. That is when I started Desteni. I was ready.

I remember being like 7 years old and sad. I remember being happy in regular class, and when I moved to gifted class everything changed. the kids in regular class were friendly and sociable. The kids in gifted class were super serious and intimidating. It was like being in military school, or where everyone was a robot.

I remember feeling just weird, sad, and that something is wrong with the kids. I longer was surrounded by KIDS, I was surrounded some weird version of kids. School became something serious and demanding.

I remember when I was like 5 or 6 and I took my first multiplication test. I failed. I cried in my desk.

Me feeling this way is one thing, but everyone else just accepting and allowing this, that what was weird. In my head I know there was a different way, and I could see it and imagine it. But no one was really trying to create it. I could see the improvement that could be done in the classroom. I could see the improvements in how people act, how they are. I could see how great life could be. I kept this to myself.

I was quiet. I kept this knowing to myself.

 When I was 13 I had a someone who called me quiet boy. I would mostly hangout with people quietly. They would talk and I would be there listening. I would usually hangout with women/girls. They were kinder and accepting. Sometimes there was another guy in the group. This was the closest I had to friends. I didn't hang with anyone after school. It was just during free time or lunch time.

 At 13 years old I decided to get straight As for college. I was successful.

I decided to go out of state. I was hoping to make closer friends.

I knew people believed that I was a quiet and intelligent guy. I'm not. That is just a mask.

Everything felt fake. Everyone felt fake growing up. At 18 years old I believed that I would only connect with people when I am like 40 years old. I believed in many things.

I believed in old souls. My parents told me I was an old soul.

At 18 years old when my heart was broken, I determined to change myself. Nothing else mattered. Emotions and Feelings are the problem. Both of them are. They both lead to great suffering and they are the same, just with different masks.

Who would I be without emotoins and feelings? I would be free, I would be free to be myself, to express. I wouldn't need permission to express a certain way or to feel something before expressing. I could express endlessly. I could do everything I couldn't see myself doing. I can break all barriers and all limitations. I could be ALIVE for once in this life.

I could potentially hug someone and give them the biggest hug ever. I could be alone and be amazing, feel amazing, and just be Amazed by everything I see and hear. I could run and dance, and laugh just because, NO Reason. I could do anything, be anything, just be cause.

Now, its about living what is best for all. How to do that? Live that? And facing the challenges of this world. The answer is to help people live the answer I lived with Desteni. The answer of being limitless, expressive, anything/everything. The answer that You are the answer. The answer of all life being one and equal. The answer that you are enough and are ready.

I have lived many lives. 

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Day 21 Odyssey to Life

When we embark on a new journey, we don't always know what is ahead of us. While our decision was crystal clear, our motivation strong - we can get distracted by the sceneries we pass, the seasons that change, the travelers we meet, the many cross roads we face. Voices from the past, telling us we are making a mistake, that we should give up and go back to what we've always known. We get caught up in the tests, trials, temptations and even good times along the path we walk. We may want to get off the road as soon as possible, or perhaps set up a tent and decide that where we've gotten is far enough.
We may forget about our initial decision, as if it was in a past life, perhaps even a dream.

In a way, we're all in our own Odyssey journey back home, to Life.  
What moved you to start your process to birth yourself as Life from the physical? What has kept you going? What trials, tribulations and yes - victories - have you faced?

 I don't remember a time where I wasn't looking at things deeply. I remember when I was like maybe 8 or 9 years old and we were given research questions. The questions asked at what we thought of a man who didn't have enough money to buy medicine to save his family, and the medicine company had made the price artificially high in order to make money. I wrote down that the man should steal the medicine to save his family, and that if he were to get arrested for that, that he would still be right, because the company shouldn't have raised the prices to high. At about 22 years of age I read the very research article that I had participate in unknowingly at that age. And I read my own response in that article. The research team were testing out a theory that said as people age they become less selfish and develop a deeper moral compass, which includes care for yourself, then your family, then friends, then society as a whole. It's a little more complex than that but you get the point. The thing is I don't remember developing into this. I remember just always being like this. 

I believe we are all like this. I believe we are all like me. The only difference is that I am operating at this deeper level, and that who are you as this is just deeper within you. Its covered up with stuff. 

This stuff is the mind, as desteni explains. Thoughts, emotoins, feelings. 

Underneath this stuff, by stopping it you gain access to the physical. Something I already have seen to an extent. This is where and how you can do some amazing and miraculous things. Be amazing. 

The trails and tribulations I have faced, I have faced silently. With the power of self-forgiveness you can forgive anything. You can forgive love. Most people wouldn't forgive love. I did. I can. 

The physical is amazing, it is expression. The mind is good and bad, it is flawed. 

What keeps me going? Everything else is shit. Love is shit. Good is bad and Bad is good. The only way out is to stop it all, and start expressing. 

The biggest challenge I face is people. Is when they are being friendly and kind, and nice. There is a part of me that wants to enter into that, enter into everything being nice, good, kind and friendly. It's so tempting. That is my weakness. Every time I say no, I get stronger.

Imagine having no feeling or emotion. Being able to look at anything and see the physical. From there can you truly see/do what is best for all. Otherwise you will be biased. You will put someone else first.

Imagine having no friend that you see as special. No family that you see as special. No lover or partner that you see as special. Having no one where you would put them before everyone else. Imagine still having friends, still having family, still having a partner, but you see them all as equal to everyone. That we are all one. So none are special, none are more. That we simply DO what is BEST FOR ALL. 

What is best for all cannot exist while we have emotions and feelings. Any action within emotions and feelings is already not best for all. Any action done within emotions and feelings always have the same result. 

To live without emotoins and feelings is to be superhuman, is to be what is best for all. It is difficult and unlikely. But it is the only way to be full, complete and truly happy. If you want true happiness you need to stop what you have defined as happiness. Stop it within yourself, and start Expressing the real happiness as the physical. 

My victories include moments where women came onto me. They threw themselves at me, several of them. I didn't pursue them, even though it would have been extremely easy. What I did was stop my reactions, and stick to my principles and my path. Anything that involves not working towards my goal would be a distraction. And they were purely attracted to me because of superficial reasons. I had previously a few years before that time formed relationships with the first women that liked me, superficially. I was addicted to relationships and I had stopped that. Since then the only women I had asked for considering relationship with was those who I believed were very strong and would walk this same process as me. This is because I know I am strong and I wanted to walk with the strongest so we can do great things in this life. I am prepared and very happy to walk alone in this life. I am more than enough for myself. By being this way, I wont settle for a lesser relationship. I can say NO to a relationship and END it in an instant. 

Again my greatest weakness is People. A partner, is one person. With one person it was a challenge and I have proven I can handle one person. But when it comes to a whole group of people, having a community of family, it gets more tempting. People are tempting. It's tempting when you feel that rush of energy from having friends, from having that attention from multiple sources. Our design as mind and system is that we keep each other from stopping our emotions/feelings. We form like a web that keeps each other within emotions and feelings. It's like when you see several people do something it becomes easier to do it yourself. That temptation is what I am talking about. That is the challenge of the group. 

We form groups naturally. Families, business, workplace, school, classmates, friends, church etc... Standing as yourself on your own, that is the true test. Can stand on your own two feet? Will you stand even when everyone is telling you no? The greatest thing someone can have over you is the emotions and feelings you have. As long as you have emotions and feelings you CAN be manipulated. Gossiping CAN effect you as long as you have emotoins and feelings. Otherwise you don't give a shit. When you stop your emotions and feelings you do/act/move what is best for all always.

That has been my greatest challenge. I have fallen before. Yet I have picked myself up. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. Stopping the emotions and feelings is how I stand up. We are not our history, our personalities, our story. We are something more universal, infinite, undefined. And from that nothingness we can express anything. 

That is why I walk this process so that I can express anything and be my real potential, and not be limited by anything except what is best for all. I want to only be what is best for all.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Day 20 Respect

You can only ask for the amount of respect from another, that is the same amount of respect you have for yourself.

If you have low self respect, you will allow others to treat you like shit.

If you have high self respect then you won't allow others to treat you like shit, where you will remove yourself from the environment and/or speak up. But for sure you won't just take it and feel like shit and just continue like that.

You are responsible for your emotions and feelings.You are responsible for how you handle situations and other people.

Are you striving for the best quality of life for yourself? Here quality of life refers to things like how people treat you, and the kind of people in your life. There are sayings that say you choose the people you hangout with. You choose your friends. This choice determines much about you. Equally so, you choose to whether to spend time with your family. You don't have to spend time with your family or anyone. So you have choice. At the same time you don't always have choice if you don't have access to any money. Yet even when you don't have access to money, I bet you can find ways to improve your life. So this principle still applies. I am not an all knowing being that can say how exactly or what exactly you WILL do to make your life better. BUT I can say this:

The amount of respect that you will ask from others, will reflect the amount of respect you already have for yourself.

People who accept and allow abusive situations and do nothing to change it, have a shitty relationship with themselves. They don't have that self-respect and self-honoring. So for this reason they will accept and allow abusive people and enter into abusive relationships. The Abuse you accept and allow reflects your relationship with yourself.

Having that self-respect, is evidence that there are people that have respect for life and will treat you well, because you are the proof that YOU exist, as a someone that has self-respect.

Its not about blame or anger at another. Its about what you accept and allow. Its about the self-love and self-respect you have. How much do you care for yourself?

How I see it as well is that I am a child. That I have a child and that child I have is me. So would I want this child to be treated poorly or badly by others? No. I would move that child out of that situation and protect that child. So if I would do this for a child, why not for me? So that is why I am seeing myself as a child. I have value, and care, and a standard of living which I see ALL DESERVE to have, BUT you cannot force another to realize they DESERVE such a good life or a better life. Each ONE needs to see for themselves and live for themselves that self-respect, that self-love, that self-care. Otherwise it won't be real. Because each one can in fact do so much to stop the abuse in their lives. If only they had that care and respect for themselves.

This is something that I have only recently been walking and I have been walking this process for many many years now. So I can just imagine how long it would take for many to understand this point and then to actually live it and act on it, and actually have self-respect. So I understand many/most won't understand and that many will continue to accept and allow their abusive situations, and their abusive stance to themselves.

But if you hear what I am saying it means you are ready.

Investigate Learn about all the Selves. Self-forgiveness, Self-Trust, Self-responsibility, Self-honesty, and more!!!!

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Day 19 Moana the Movie

I really like the movie Moana.

It is made by Disney.

I like the Water. I observed the water specifically. How the water acted is how I act with children. It is my philosophy of the best way to work with kids. You guide them and step in only when you are needed. And knowing when to step back.

Making the statement Knowing when to step in and knowing to step back, you might be like WTF???? But at the same time, ask yourself, YOU, do YOU ever step back or hold yourself back when your working with kids or with your own kids. Or do you every time just step in naturally. If you never step back, then know your probably messing things up, lol. Cause for SURE there are moments to step back. For sure. Without a doubt.


The water steps back and you get to see who Moana is. You get to see Moana make her decision, you get to see Moana realize who she is. You get to see Moana lead herself. When Moana gives up the water accepts. When Moana is ready to fight, but isn't strong enough the Water steps in so she can win. The water has so much power. The water could force Moana to do something, or make things super easy, BUT force can only get you so far. You cannot FORCE this entire existence to be aware, or be what is best for all. Its not possible, because people need to make the choice. People need to volunteer. People need to move themselves. If people are not moving themselves then its not real, it won't last. And THAT is the true beauty of guiding someone, whether its adult or child. When you do your part and then just step back and watch them move themselves and succeed, that is one of the most beautiful things to observe. You are witnessing a real person being real. There is nothing better in existence.

This entire existence is alive and aware. It can see who you are. Can you?

Who are you deciding to be?

Who are you?

Who is the real you?

You cannot find yourself in another. You can only know yourself through yourself. You can know others through yourself, but you can't know yourself through others. In others you can hide from yourself. In others you can separate yourself from yourself. But through yourself you can truly know others. It is all about self. You are the mirror. You are the lens. You are the eye. It is impossible to have a deep connection with another. You can only have a deep connection with yourself, and through that recognize another as yourself.

Do you see everyone as You? Can you see yourself everywhere? Do you realize that when you look at someone you are looking at yourself?

If you can't see it then you won't believe me. If you can then you already know what I am talking about. But, each one of us has seen it at least once in our lives. You had a moment where you did see it. You had a moment where you saw another as yourself.

What is interesting that the words I write will be understood differently depending on the person, which depends on the process you have walked. And even in different moments, in the future, if you change.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Day 18 The Self

What comes up within you when speaking, reading, hearing the word Self?

Self refers to your self.

Are you complete, whole?

Are you fractured?






What is the word or words?

Whatever the words are it doesn't mean its good or bad. What matters is whether you were even aware of your relationship with yourself. What matters is that you have that connection with yourself. What matters is you KNOW what you feel. What matters is that you have that connection BECAUSE then you can actually make changes.

Fact, You cannot change yourself without first knowing yourself.

You have to Know thyself.

Self is not something you can really categorize. Its not good or bad. It just is.

You can be separate from yourself. You not know yourself. You can suppress yourself. You can abuse yourself.

What words do you live with yourself?

What changes can you make, or need to make to make things better?

Are you happy with yourself?

Maybe you need to not change yourself and just change your beliefs about yourself.

Maybe you need to change yourself.

If you change your beliefs about yourself you are changing yourself, because beliefs are a part of you.

Maybe you just need to STOP not being happy with yourself, and just be happy.

Maybe you need to start being more physical and practical.

Maybe you need to start being here with your body.

Maybe you need to stop being so much in your head.

I say maybe because I cannot tell you the exact answer.

But I can say for sure that you have the answer. Your self does have the answer. But YOU need to go and see what that is. Only you hold the key to yourself and making things better.

When you connect with yourself and work with yourself things get better.

The Self is the Key.

Self is the greatest journey.

 It is possible to have such an awareness and connection of yourself and with yourself that you are able to create anything and be anything and do anything. No one can abuse you or hurt you. You are no longer afraid and all is well.

It is possible yes. It is possible to create such a relationship. It is created.

It is also possible to be in fear and limitation. It is possible to harm yourself. It is possible to be abused and hurt.

It is possible yes.

Who are you?

What is YOUR self?

Who do you WANT to be??????????

Friday, August 4, 2017

Day 17 You are the Key

You only accept and allow someone to do something to you, if you already have been and are accepting and allowing yourself to do it within yourself.

Self is the key.

Self holds the key.

You are the Key.

When someone yells at you and you react, its because you have been yelling at yourself within yourself already.

If you stop all yelling, all abuse within yourself that you do to yourself, then no amount of yelling or abuse can cause you to react or feel anything. You are whole and complete.

Right now we are not whole and complete. We are fractured.

Right now when we see the abuse in the world, we react. Right now when we see people yell, scream, hit, abuse, gossip, we react.

We react because we are doing these things to ourselves in our heads, with our thoughts, with what we feel.

Reaction is feeling/emotion. You are feeling something about something.

When you stop your own abuse, stop your own feeling something about something, within yourself, then you are free. There is no thought, not topic, nothing that can touch you, because you don't feel anything, you don't react.

When you care and love yourself enough to stop this abuse, you are standing within authority, you are standing withing your SELF.

Self is the Key.

Self is the power.

Self is everything.

Without yourself you have nothing. As long as you stand outside of yourself you are nothing, you have no authority, no power. All abuse is rampant.

Without Self the world will destroy itself.

Self-forgiveness. I forgive myself. That is the way to practice stopping abuse. Forgive yourself for feeling scared about a thought. Forgive yourself for feeling worried and nervous about a thought. A thought about the future, a thought about the past, a thought about things right now. Any thought, Every thought.

As long as you feel things about your thoughts you are trapped and enslaved, you are not free. As long as you feel things about your thoughts then are standing outside of yourself, and you are nothing, you have no power, you don't exist.

To exist as Self, requires standing within self, which requires no longer REACTING as self to what happens, to what you think, which requires not feeling anything to what happens.

Is your feeling a decision? No it happens. You don't decide to feel, it just happens. Your feeling is not You. You are not your feelings. You are not your thoughts. You exist as something else. You are a creator with absolute potential to create, and you are what is best for all, you are integrity, you are an equal, you are one with everything, you are what matters, you exist. Yet are you are not that now because you react. As long as you react you are not yourself. You don't exist.

You are always equal to what you accept and allow.

As long as you accept and allow abuse within you, you will accept and allow abuse to be done onto you, and abuse to exist in the world without.

You cannot stop the abuse in the world or the abuse that others do to you. You can only stop the abuse you have accepted and allowed others to do to you. You can only stop the abuse that you are accepting and allowing YOURSELF to accept and allow. Why don't you have that love of Self? Why doesn't that already exist? It doesn't.

Because you don't exist as SELF yet. You don't.

With SELF you have everything and lack nothing. You are complete and whole. You are Yourself. If you are not these things, know that you are NOT self. Self is this. Self is complete, whole. Self is Self. Self lacks nothing.

Self cannot be tricked into reaction, self doesn't have a flaw to be exploited. Self cannot be made to feel something. Yet you are not Self, are you?

You react, you feel, you can be exploited and tricked, manipulated, you can be moved, you are not complete, you are lacking, you are not Yourself, yet.

None of us are. Yet we all can be.

Self is the Key.
You hold the Key.
You are the Key.

Stop the abuse. Stop the thoughts. Stop the feelings, the emotions. Stop being moved. Stop being manipulated. Stop reacting. You are accepting and allowing it. No one is making you feel what you feel. And only you can stop it. and prevent it.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Day 16 Ending the War within Self

There are a million different abuses and problems in the world. Oceans are dying, the Earth is dying, children are dying and being abused, animals are dying, greed, violence, and an economic that perpetuates it. And on and on....

I am the meaning of Life. Saving the planet is not the point. Saving the world is not the point. Saving children is not the point. Saving the animals, the waters, the people are not the point. I am the point.

I am a child. I am a planet. I am a water, a people, a earth. I am an animal. Am I saving me?

I am living in emotional turmoil and suffering. I am living in abuse. What am I doing about it?

Where is the value for the life that is me?

How I treat me, isn't that how I will treat others?

Is it possible to do what is BEST for others, even when I am not doing what is BEST for me?

I may be thinking I am saving others or doing what is best for others, but is that not from my limited point of view if I am still abusing me, putting me through hell, accepting and allowing myself to be suffering?

 If I start saving me... If I start stopping the abuse within me and in my life.... If I start stopping the hell and suffering that I am going through... What will I see as the solution for saving/helping others?

The solution is that others must stand up and REALIZE their own value and that THEY are the Meaning of Life. Because how much of our abuse is caused because we are abusing ourselves, which includes accepting and allowing the abuse other people put onto us? What if we can stop all abuse in our life and radically change our lives by realizing the value of self, of Me?

I am a child.
I am a starving animal.
I am an abused person.
I am in suffering.

So how about I stop it? How about I save me?

How about when people insult you or yell at you, that you take action? You can either remove them from your life, which can mean you leaving. Are you WILLING to remove yourself, quit a job, leave someone, breakup with someone if they are creating an abusive situation and you have accepted and allowed it? Do you love yourself enough to do that? To quit? To leave? To breakup?

Do you accept and allow abusers in your life or do you BAN them? What do you do?

What is the Meaning of Life?

I am the Meaning of Life.

Are YOU the Meaning of Life?

Maybe the reason we are focusing so much on the abuse other people receive, and the abuse in the world, because we are distracting ourselves from the abuse we have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy and good to see them to be themselves, innocent, joyful, excited, expressive.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give anything so I can prevent children from being abused.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up my life for them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept that the people wouldn’t change, and that the only thing that I could do was leave.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not leave.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the child within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not value the child within me that was abused during this time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value any  number of children over the child within me.

I commit myself to protect myself
I commit myself to stand up to someone yelling at me or screaming at me, or to remove them from my life by simply removing myself from them.
I commit myself to defend myself from insults, attacks and verbal abuse by shooting down the person right away, or by removing them from  my life.
I commit myself to report people who abuse me to the authorities, like police.
I commit myself to make sure I am safe and well and protected from people’s harmful actions.
I commit myself to value me and honor me above everyone else combined.
I commit myself to live this self-love within the principle that if all would live the same the world would be what is best for all.
I commit myself to show that walking the path of SELF, valuing self, putting self first, Self being the only value in your life, that that leads to what is best for all.
I commit myself to live for ME.
I commit myself to live Me as the purpose/meaning of my life.
I commit myself to have self be the point of Life.
I commit myself to stop fighting for the end of abuse of others, and instead only fight for SELF ending the abuse to SELF.

I commit to show that Self is accepting and allowing abuse in the world, through our individual daily lives, and that by resolving this war within self, we will become the solution that we all need.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing abuse within me.

I am an equal to any person or any number of person. I am an equal to the president of any country. I am an equal to the richest man or woman. I am an equal to the strongest and smartest. I am an equal to everyone combined. I am the Meaning of Life. I am not more than you or everyone. I am Equal. Equal is NOT about numbers it is about care, treatment, and regard. You are all equal to me. The question is is everyone equal to you? You can see in your everyday behavior and treatment of yourself whether you view yourself with value, and treat yourself such, or you don't.  And you will see how you treat others. Is it equal?

Egomaniacs, Narcissists, don't view themselves as Equal to everyone. They view themselves MORE than everyone. And Egomaniacs and Narcissists live lives of abuse. Equality is the KEY. Equality is the Difference. I am equal to everyone/everything. You don't have to fear Equality. Stop the Abuse in YOU!

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Day 15 Enjoying the physical

So I have been enjoying the physical.

Enjoying the physical sound of music. Enjoying the feeling of my hand outside my car driving, feeling the wind. Being here in my body and addressing/stopping any physical pains. Enjoying the feeling of water on my body while showering. Enjoying the feeling of the cloth in bed. Enjoying the flavor and taste of pickles, bread, cheese. Enjoying the physical sun. Enjoying breathing heavily while working outside. Enjoying paying attention and focusing on a physical project and making it the best outcome. Enjoying playing a trick/joke on other people. Enjoying myself/alone. Enjoying my presence. Enjoying my gentleness and softness. Enjoying my ability to move and express anything I want to express in the moment. Enjoying my ability to work long hours. Enjoying my complete intimacy and depth with myself. Enjoying my own sound while singing. Enjoying my own dance while dancing. Enjoying the feel of my own clothes. Enjoying all of physical reality, in my physical body.

Enjoying my own command and direction of my body in physical reality. Enjoying a stretch of my arms, and rubbing of my face. Enjoying holding myself with my own hands/arms. Making myself comfortable and removing discomfort. Doing what I need to get things done well, and using any time/opportunity available to enjoy myself, which means while working. I work in an enjoyable way.

I am Fun. I am Joy.

Dancing as the physical. Listening to the music intently. Moving the body with the music, playing with the music with my body. Creating something in the moment. Being me. No thinking. No emotion. No fear. Just Me, Just Physical.

Anything is possible. I can be anything, move in anyway. I can face any fear. I can change any part of me. I am physical. I am not mind, emotion, thought or feeling. I am physical. I can just move, dance, sing, read, write, in any moment. There is no limitation. Anything that is not physical I can drop and its gone.

The air is something physical. My breathing is physical. The water is something physical. They exist without thought. They don't need a mind. I don't need a mind. I can just move my legs, move my arms, move my hands. I can create anything. There is no good, there is no bad, there is no right or wrong. There is no positive or negative. Killing is not bad, dying is not bad. It is not good either. It just is. The physical is physical. Everything that is mind, everything that is personality, everything that is ego, perception, opinion and belief doesn't exist in the physical. In the physical, there is just the physical. When something dies the body transforms. It is not bad.

Things that are ugly don't exist. Things that are beautiful don't exist. There are just things everywhere. Everything is equal. You can create yourself as anything. You don't ever have to feel negative or bad about your looks ever again. You don't ever have to feel good or bad about your looks or anyone else's looks. You can just create and observe other people's creation. You can just be joy, and enjoy being with others expression. Enjoy being here. Enjoy the creations, the expression. Enjoy the physical. There is no idea about limitation or impossibility. There is no negativity. There is no positivity, there just exist creation, physical and all existence.

Everything is alive. The physical is alive. The air is alive. The water is alive. The computers are alive. The wood is alive. The chairs are alive. The food is alive. Ice cream is alive. Every physical Thing, every THING is alive. Things which are not things, are not physical things are not alive. Thought is not alive, emotions and feelings are not alive. The mind is not a thing, it is not a physical thing. It is not alive.

To be joy you cannot be of the mind. You cannot be of something that is not real, not alive. The mind is not alive. If you are of the mind you are not alive, and you cannot live Joy. Everything of the mind is dead. Joy of the mind is dead joy. A ghost. Joy that is actually anger and fear. Joy that is actually resentment and blame. Joy that is conditional, limited. Joy that is harmful, violent. Joy of the mind is not real joy, it is destruction and pain. Joy of Life, is perfect in all ways. Joy of Mind is imperfect in all ways. There is one right decision, and one wrong decision. This is the only Black and White point. Are you of the mind? Or are you of the physical/Life? Only can be one or the other. 

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Day 14 Creating the Moment

The very basic tenets from Desteni is that Emotions, feelings and thoughts? Problems. And its not because Desteni says so. I never listened to anybody just because they say so. Cause that's stupid.

But when I heard the first time from Desteni how they describe how Energy works, and how emotions, feelings and thoughts work. Immediately knew it was true because I could see right away across my entire life how this has occurred. Every time I get excited about something or someone I get stupid, where I miss some things or ignore some things and I inevitably create my own downfall and create misery and suffering for myself. I mean, I could tell already in that moment that normal people wouldn't want to believe this to be true, or shall I say deny looking at how it is true and has happened across their entire lives. But its true. And most people will deny it. People will argue that love and light is good. People will defend the right to feel happy and pursue happiness, because it sounds good and right. Is it right? Does it actually lead to good things? Or has it led to bad things?

Like assuming that you have pursued happiness and love, and light your entire life, answer me this right now. Are you happy right now? Is everything good in your life? Is it? Do you feel satisfied, whole and complete that if you died right now, you would die within that satisfaction?

No one can answer that with a big FAT honest YES!!!!!!! Can you?

This ALL has been known for a long time. Religion knows it. The Economy knows it. Both of these forces are completely built on the knowledge that people are not satisfied that they are incomplete and in constant need/hunger for something.

Spirituality, gurus, masters, know it too.

Only children don't really know it. But once they grow up they know it.

 No one has provided a full answer. A full path that leads to fullness.

Except for me, before Desteni, I observed sparks of it. The message of Jesus showed that potential spark. Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr also showed it within their eyes and words. There have been people that lived parts of it. I grew up knowing this potential and seeking this potential. The truth consumed me.

Desteni, laid out the path scientifically. They describe how emotions work and how feelings work. They described how thoughts work.  It made sense. And it still makes sense. Basically we have to get physical. We have to get out of our heads and out of energy, and get back in the physical body. These physical arms, legs, heart, muscles, brain, tongue, everything. The physical is what is real. The mind stuff is made up mental stuff. Its mental! All of it. What you feel is not a physical thing. You are not feeling water with your hand. Your feeling something energetic that is your own creation.

It is really stupid to listen to your own emotions and thoughts because it is confirmation bias. You are literally confirming to yourself the reason why you should do something even though you are the one providing the reason to yourself! It's ludicrous and stupid. We believe what we believe, because we are Creating, making up on the spot, the very reason why to believe it. When it is an emotion! A feeling! We are making it up!

For something to be true it needs verifiable, physical evidence. Not emotional evidence, which we then have the balls to call it intuition, and say that we had a gut feeling, and they we start TRUSTING what we feel. I mean, Really?

Is this what the human being has come to?

How pathetic are we?

So impulsive, so quick to judge, so emotional, where we then consider and believe in so many things that should actually just be a natural physical parts of ourselves, passion, Life, vitality, and we start relating to these words as FEELINGS and Emotions. You don't feel life, you ARE LIFE. Passion is not something you FEEL, its something you live. That energy you feel, is not even real, and its the most rudimentary, simplistic, limited form of living/expression in existence, that it shouldn't even be called living/expression, because you are not living or expressing, you are just Feeling. You are just on the receiving end. It's like you are in a fucking coma. Not moving at all, just totally stuck in your own head and all the chaos going on inside of you. Is this who we are? Is this what we have come to?

It's pathetic.

This is what I realized and known for a long time. We as Humanity are pathetic. We don't know what it means to really live. I mean for godsake, we actually believe we need substances like alcohol and drugs to feel good. I mean really? You can't just decide to be happy, decide to jump up and down, decide to dance, decide to enjoy yourself. You can't do that? You can't? If you can't then let me tell you something, something is SERIOUSLY wrong with you. You don't have will. You don't have directive principle. You are not control of your own body, and so of course you're not in any real control over anything else. If you can't decide what you are expressing, you are in deep shit. You really are. And guess what, that's is where we ALL are. No one is better. We are all limited as FUCK. Seriously, look around. No one can really control their emotions, just decide to feel good. They all need drugs, alcohol, entertainment, sex with someone, masturbate to something, find some relief somewhere, receive attention, Blah, blah blah.

Where is the guy or gal that can just BE. Can just take a stroll outside and just feel better. Who can just let go of all the shit within them in an instant. Can just decide to jump up and down and sing, BECAUSE THEY CAN. Because they are a fucking creator and they create the moment. They don't need fucking permission. They are alive. And creating is who they are. If you are not creating the moment, know that you are not alive.

 This is the ONLY ONE PATH to life. If you don't walk this path, then you are definitely not on the right path. And I am not talking about Desteni, the group. I am talking about the all the shit you have done to yourself and others since the beginning of time. You are shitty. And Desteni are simply people united in the fact that we are all shitty, and we are going to fucking learn how to get out of this shit and start living for real, for once and then for all. So you'd be smart to join and get the help from some others. Do with it what you will. But know one thing. Only you can prevent yourself from doing anymore harm. A billion angels, a billion gurus, masters, a billion amount of support can't force you or make you do shit. YOU have to be the one that fucking stands up like an equal, with some dignity, respect, humility, eagerness and willingness to lean. You can't buy that shit with all the money in the world. You just have to fucking do it, and be it.

So do you have any life in you? Is there anyone in there that can still hear? Do you have a CHANCE of making it? Only you know. I don't know, how can I? I am just typing here. Maybe see you around. Maybe not, the choice is yours.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Day 13 How to attain Supernatural Powers?

Achieve Integrity.

Integrity is the single most powerful force. A man with integrity will stop at nothing. A man with integrity can banish all fears. A man with integrity can command the physical. A man with integrity will vanquish all limitations. A man with integrity will bring about a new world.

Integrity is the single most valuable thing. It is more valuable than all the money in the world. It is more valuable than all the relationships in the world. It is more valuable than all the Love and all the Sex in the world. It is more valuable than all the Drugs in the world. It more valuable than all the highs in the world combined.

Nothing is more valuable than Integrity.

Integrity is standing by and for what is best for all, as all as one and equal.

Integrity is incorruptible. It is steadfast, unwavering and absolute. It is righteous, powerful, unstoppable. Integrity cannot be swayed, bribed, persuaded. Integrity cannot be moved, faltered, or weakened.

A man with Integrity has no personality, no history. He has no identity.

A man with Integrity doesn't exist, yet he exists everywhere. He is alive, immortal, forever present.

Integrity cannot be killed.

A man who lives integrity is a gift to this entire world. He is also the greatest villain in the eyes of the world. He will be opposed, hated, and hunted down.

Integrity threatens to change the entire world and shift the balance of power. Where all those who have no integrity will lose all, and those who have integrity gain all.

A man with Integrity can never  be deceived or tricked to not be Integrity. Integrity will always stand as long as the man stands within Integrity.

The man with Integrity will bring forth your own greatest lies and greatest deceptions so you may face them, so you may learn like how he learned.

With self-forgiveness you can become Integrity.

Achieving Integrity will be the most important thing you ever do. Or the most important thing you ever failed to do. It will open the doors to Life, or seal them shut.

Only you determine your fate. Only you have the power.

What destiny do you create?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not live Integrity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie, cheat, steal, harm, hurt, kill, destroy for the sake of my own pleasure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow a world where people have to lie, cheat, steal, harm, hurt, kill, destroy for SURVIVAL

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live an ordinary life, instead of an extra-ordinary life, where I become the answer to the world's problems, by becoming and living integrity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the world's everyday reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only live for me and my life.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Day 12 I took an Aptitude Test

So I am the process of finding work. And something I thought of doing is to take an aptitude test.

I found something interesting.

In the aptitude test, I saw that my Strengths and skills are in math, analytical thinking, logic, reading, writing, solitary work.

My weaknesses are social interaction, working with people.

The aptitude test also asked what my interests were. I looked down the entire list. Nothing interested me. The closest thing is Philosophy. So in the list there were things like economics, finances, construction, everything. The one thing I would like to do is help people become better, to become more aware of themselves, and learn. That is my interest.

The aptitude test then asked me what my preferred working environment is.

I love working outdoors, I could work outdoors the entire day. I love it. That is my preferred working environment.

So to summarize my ideal job would involve

1. Strengths- Math, analytical thinking, numbers, logic, mental labor
2. Interest - Helping people to become better, learn about themselves, evolve as a person
3. Environment- Working outdoors.

So basically, this job doesn't exist. It's no secret.

How did I arrive to where I am?

I don't have a very strong body. I could get one, and I could work outdoors in a labor job. Yet, it doesn't pay very well and I wouldn't be as good as OTHER people.

If I pursue my interest, I could work with people in helping them. Maybe in school context, maybe as a psychologist, or social worker, yet I don't good people skills. I could maybe get these skills but it would take who knows how long.

If I pursue my strengths, I would be good at what I do compared to other people. I could do office work where I work by myself, I do the numbers, I keep track of finances. Am I interest in this? No. Is this my prefer working environment? No.

Out of all the three things, which one do I have most chance of success pursuing, naturally that which I am more better at than other people, because the economy is a competition not a charity. So working with numbers. Even though I am not interested in it.

How, why am I good at numbers? Because I studied. For the majority of my life I did school work seriously.

When I was about 8 or nine years old my music teacher asked me if I wanted to sing in the choir. I said no, thinking to myself that I would have no future in a job with singing. That is right, at already that young age I was making decisions on what to do so that I could get a job. Already at that age. I could have sung and sing, but I didn't. I knew math, engineering, mathematician was the BEST future. At least that is what practically every adult said. Math is a great skill. Its so rare to be good at math. With math you can get a good job. Etc... Everyone said it. And naturally I loved my parents, I loved my teachers, and I trusted everyone. So I became that which they said.

I didn't pursue my interests. I didn't develop the skills that would enable me to pursue my interests. I developed skills that would get me a well paying job. And I did that for 15 years. Do you want to know why I am not good at social skills? There are various factors, but one of them is this. I didn't pursue my interests. I pursued, math, studies, school, becoming educated. Other people slacked off. Other people went to parties, other people socialized and had relationships. And that is where they practiced their social skills. I didn't.

So here I am at 27 years of age. Social skills take a large majority of jobs. If you don't have social skills you are locked out of so many jobs. Basically anything where you work with people directly.

So, I don't have a choice. I can get lucky maybe, with someone who is charitable that will hire to work in helping people where I get training and support to develop social skills that will take many years, maybe 5, 7, 10 years, something equivalent to what other people received growing up in childhood.Maybe. But that is a snowballs chance in hell.

Right now, what I can do is work in finances, in an office doing numbers. Will I be good at it? Yes. Will I enjoy it? Yes, because I enjoy math, I like it. Is what I want to be doing? No. Am I interested by it? No. Will I like my environment? Well I hope I can eat lunch outside, because I love being outside, otherwise I don't prefer inside, I also don't dislike it.

Will I make enough money to support myself? Yes and then some.
Is there a future for career advancement? Yes.

Still, it won't be what I am interested in. But with the money I make I can DO something with it.

Looking at the alternative scenario. If I would have pursued my interests, like do singing, being creative, or being strong physically. The jobs pay less and are not as valued in the world system. And you are competing with lots of people who can do the same work.

So I developed skills that are more desirable in the world system, even though I am interested in the work.

In a different world system, it would make sense if I pursued my interests.

Sadly, it does not make sense to pursue your interests.

I would like to use the money I earn so that I can change the system, where one day it will make sense for everyone to pursue their interests. So another me in another life can live more fully and more in alignment with their inner self.

I see it as my mission and purpose to do the work, to make the money, to make the sacrifice, so that one day things will change due to my effort, force and influence, along with many others who join me equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad that I won't be able to work with what I am interested in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad that we live in a world system that is about competition and whatever makes money.

I forgive myself fo accepting and allowing myself to feel sad that so many children, like me, willing be basing their entire life, including childhood on whatever makes money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel frustrated, sad and tired, at the challenges that is here before all of us, instead of tying my shoes, and getting ready for the long haul and the work I will do across the rest of my life that will change things eventually.

Day 11 A little word called Love

This blog post may not be so great. The thing I worked on today involves my relationship with my mom, at an early age. She was my root, my connection to this world. She was my world, my sun, my everything. I felt like I connected to her, I felt understood, I felt I received attention. And when I was not with her I noticed the difference. When I started school, I notice most people, or  really no one gave me that same attention and treated me that way. What I can observe now is that as I met people that actually in some way did give me attention and was nice and kind to me, I started really liking those people, having crushes on them, or just wanted to hug them. You have to understand that I felt so much love for my mom, then I would love to go up to her and hug her. And I related to some of my teachers this way.

But why is this?

Why feel this way?

Because what happens later is the relationship falls apart, where I start talking about things where she doesn't understand. I start seeing a future in places that she doesn't accept. And then the relationship is no more. Yet, I still continue to look for that same level of relationship with someone else. Hence all my crushes, and people I am attracted to, etc... I go after that same level of relationship, of closesness and connection.

Again, why?

Why do I like this or enjoy this?

What am I really living or contributing? Who am I within this?

As a child I didn't really understand points of justice, responsibility, and best for all. I only knew my mom. But points like justice, responsibility and best for all are more important than what you feel with a person or any person. If that person is not living responsibility, justice and best for all, then how can you really feel positive/good? Yet you do.

Our feelings are not tied to points like justice, responsibility and best for all. We don't, for example see a person who is doing what is best for all, and living what is responsible, and then all of a sudden swoon over them, and fall in love. We don't do that.

Instead what we do is that when we receive attention, when we become the center of someone else's world do we start swooning and falling in love. So right now, love, falling in love, and just love in general with anyone, is stupid. Stupid like it really leads to stupid outcomes that are harmful and not best for all outcome. It is a stupidity.

Does it feel good? Yes. Do you want to feel this way? Yes. Is it best for all? No.

I mean its pretty funny imagining people falling in love with other people because a person is living what is best for all. That actually may be little better. But at the same time, we get pretty stupid when we feel love, and we also are not being the creator of our lives or directors when feeling take over. I do suspect though that you can fuck with your own programming by point out all the ways what is best for all is not here within your supposed perfect partner.

It's like the mind wants to say, BUT look at all the wonderful things they do FOR ME!!! I mean yes that is how you get someone to fall in love, you serve them, and make them the center of your world. That is what parents do!

But that is not equality. In equality, there is no love. There is no specialness. There is you and them. Each equally living and being alive.

So in a real ideal world, there is Justice, Responsibility and what is best for all. Love is not a part of that picture.

Funny how Signmund Freud was sort of right. In how we look for partners like our parents. Because our parents is our first connection/relationship to the word Love.

The word love is a sham though because of all the harm and suffering caused because of Love. If you are really honest with yourself you will see it.

So what I am in the process doing is letting go of this layer of Love within me, which is like all these memories from childhood where I lived love intensely and also with some partners. I also notice that I am super depressed when I don't have that connection with someone, even as a child, just when I was not with my mom. So Love, actually shaped my entire life, where I have been mostly depressed me entire life, except moments where I spend with love ones. This is the true face of love, depression. Without love, you can just be yourself.

Love is not a solution it is actually creating the harm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel love even though I can see it causes me harm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel love even though it leads to depression.

I forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing myself to feel love even though I ignore all the bad, harmful things people do that I love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make love okay and acceptable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to harm others in the name of love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time pursing love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Kill in the name of Love.

I forgive myself for Not accepting and allowing myself to see that love is Evol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care that I feel depressed most of the time as long as I get to feel love sometimes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care all the harms and troubles I cause myself for the sake of feeling love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value Love over my Life.

When and as I see myself feeling love, I stop and I breathe- I realize that love is a feeling and just energy and not real- I realize that love is actually evil, and suffering and harm and depression- I realize that I don't need love- I realize that there is an entire life waiting for me outside of love- I realize that for me to truly live I need to drop love completely - I realize the true value of a person is how responsible they are, how just they are and how well they live what is best for all, and so what I feel for them is irrelevant.

I commit myself to stop all love in my life and start living as responsibility, best for all, and justice for all.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

day 10 I don't care what other people think of me

So saying/making the statement I don't care what other people think of me, I feel guilty, bad, resistant like anyone who ever makes this statement shouldn't. Because they are probably suppressing something, hiding something, and that's why they are saying it.

Well here is an example of utilizing myself to create what is best for all.

Because if I don't even take my thoughts seriously meaning I am actively stopping, and not listening or trusting any thought within me. Why in hell would I feel any differently to what other people think, the thoughts other people have, the opinions, beliefs, judgements, statements. I mean I would only be making it equal, how I view my thoughts, and other people's thoughts.

So when I made this statement I saw a change, where I become more effective in what I do.

Thoughts are thoughts. Whether they are within you or another person. Its still a thought. Thoughts in themselves are not in the physical or substantial. And the thoughts that occur in the mind are lies. Its a value that is not real.

So in a moment where someone tells me something about me that I don't like, well I can make the statement within me, well I don't even care what you think. And then I just continue being me, living me. My typical reaction is to in a way withdraw, become sheepish, weak, reserved, not knowing what to do.

When I just focus on me, and what I do, and what I can do, the life is good. I am not focused on MY thoughts or YOUR thoughts, or HIS thoughts or HER thoughts. Cause thoughts are all the same. So you can say I don't care about any thought.

Your thought has no value and no affect on me. I don't care. What I do care about is reality, the physical, and what is best for all.

I find that many people bully with their thoughts where they want to bring others down so they can get on top. Well now I can just say to myself I don't even care what they think, I give no value to their thoughts or mind. The mind HATES such a statement, because people's minds want your attention, want your reaction, want your participation in the game.

And when you stop reacting, miracles happen.

I am not disrespecting a person when I no longer care or react to a person's thoughts. Because thoughts in themselves are disrespectful to life. Thoughts are not part of life, of what is best for all. Thoughts cause harm and suffering.

It doesn't make me a bad person to not care what other people think.

It actually makes me "good" when I don't care what other people think because I am actually taking a stand for the physical, for life, for what is best for all, where I only allow that which is real, substantial, direct, here, considering all to receive my attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value in anyway whatsoever the opinions, thoughts, perceptions and beliefs of anyone, including me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not just consider what is physical, practical and real as the true value of words/communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to peoples thoughts, opinions and beliefs, whether positive or negative, because then I would validate it, and treat it as real within me.

I commit myself to live physically, and be physically, which requires not caring at all about what is going in the mind of any person, and so not giving it at all the same value as what is physically real, here and so true.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Day 9 Strength

Strength, Being Strong. Speaking strong. Moving Strong. My Strength

I have always been strong enough. I am strong. I have only suppressed it, muffles it, snuffed it out, with fear. I am afraid of being strong and using my strength to change the world. I am afraid of having an affect on people, on having power over people, on having power over the fate of the world, and the lives of individuals. I am afraid of having the ability through speech alone being able to motivate, move people into a direction. I am afraid of the responsibility. I am afraid of failing and being corrupted by power. I fear having power and being powerful.

 All these fears are lies. Because being weak, doing nothing, just not participating, not having an affect, not having a say, your just sealing the already existent fate of the world. Right now, it is certain that by doing nothing your damning the world and everyone to hell. That is our current trajectory. So doing something, anything is damn sure better. Power is not something to fear. The mind wants you to be afraid, because if you don't change anything, it stays the same and the world stays the same. But if you do change it, if you wield your power, then you will change.

 I remember the moment where I spoke how I was afraid of my own strength at how powerful I was in a moment. I was told not to fight against myself. I am power, I am strength. It already exists, I am just suppressing it, hiding it, being afraid of it.

We need me to live my best, to wield my power and change the world. I can and I will.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel afraid of my own strength, capability, and potential to change the world and the lives of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide, suppress, muffle, stifle, hold, back, weaken my own strength, power and authority to change everything/anything, including me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear creating consequences and to fear creating harm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to afraid being strong, being unstoppable, being determined, unwavering, absolute, unflinching, unmoved, unmovable and insurmountable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear maybe being wrong, and maybe causing harm and maybe it would be better to do nothing, and maybe I have no idea what I am doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own ability to shape and create this world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed, doubtful, worried, anxious, nervous, scared of myself and any my ability to create the moment.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to use my power to serve and create a world that is best for all exactly how I see it and understand it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear creating mistakes, and failures.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own process of creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own strength.

I commit myself to utilize my strength to serve what is best for everyone.