“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Friday, October 9, 2015

Day 400 - Series: Looking Back to the past Part 1

I figure it would be cool to check out old posts and review/expand them.

From April 14 2012,
http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/04/1st-day-april-14th.html

"I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate emotions while watching the tv show supernatural. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate emotions and feelings while watching fringe. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate emotions while playing the online game dead frontier. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate energy as emotions and feelings when I compete with other players and use them for my own purposes, involving deception. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, I have just been playing all day, I haven’t done anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from what I am doing on a Saturday. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate emotion of stress and anxiety when I think, I have just been playing all day, I haven’t done anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate energy as emotions and feelings when a girl likes me at a party. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate emotion as anxiety and stress when I think of playing dead frontier. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of playing dead frontier.  
Self-correction: be here whether im watching a show, playing a game, or at a party and to stop any emotions, feelings, and thoughts that arise. I am not separate from what i participate in. What i participate in, i am one and equal to. So i stop separation and from there direct what is best for all."


This post is pretty cool. I was taking the stance that the problem is not what you do, but who you are WITHIN what you do. So that means I must forgive all of these thoughts, emotions and feelings that were swirling within me while participating in these leisure activities. What is interesting is that your mind swirling point, prevents you from enjoying yourself. I remember that at this time, I was in college, and I would spend most of my time studying. So I was in studying-survival mode, where when I wasn't studying I would feel guilty and be thinking about how I should by studying. So it really was a mind pattern/possession/obsession that didn't allow me to relax, let go, and simply rest. The correction then speak to that point. That I must bring myself back here into my body, be one with it here, in this moment, and so actually direct myself, rather than having these thoughts and mental baggage going on in the background. One dimension I didn't expose was how it related so much to my studies, because I was in a way dependent on these emotions and thoughts to motivate and push me to study, which is something I relied on similar elementary school. So it was a habit-formed dependency, which I have mostly walked out of, thank goodness. It really was such a stress.

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