“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Opening up the Men's Mind 317

So today we are opening my Men mind, and by that I mean, what I, as a guy or man, find attractive and why? Specifically we are looking at a kind of attraction which I have observed most if not all men, who are straight/heterosexual, have towards an specific particular image of a woman, as well as her physical facial expression. So to start off this blog, I ask that you remember/imagine what you have thought to be a hot woman or man. So for me, I have many times while growing up, having certain fantasies, particularly involving a woman which I considered to be sexy or hot. So the question here is why is this particular image of a woman decided or chosen to be what is sexy or hot. And in general we do, as males, and women, have a shared idea about what is sexy or hot. Here are some examples. For women, it means to wear mascara, a tight dress, or short shorts, or showing cleavage, and wearing make up so make yourself like young without wrinkles, etc...

So in commonsense yes, there is probably a connection to looking young, and looking almost naked. The naked obviously having to do with sex, but you can look before the time you have had sex first. Go back to when you were first feeling these responses of attraction towards particular women/man. The earliest memory of responding to a woman was when I was in the 1st grade, where there was one girl, who for some reason when I looked at her, I felt that familiar, fear to look response. Where I would sort of like seeing her, yet I felt I couldn't. I didn't know her. So it didn't have to do with her personality, or anything about her really. Except it had to do with her physical appearance. Her structure of the eyes, nose, lips. What else? So the response I feel is a mix of fear. Where even tonight, I felt the same experience while also looking at a particular woman. The same situation where I don't know her, and its purely in response to her face. The only difference now is that after all those years, I have added other thoughts, like, is "she interested in me? For sex?" So basically that is the line of thought. And I remember clearly, that when I first had sex, it was the same, a kind of fear, the only difference is that I felt that i didn't need to be afraid, because I CAN look now at the person, as SHE has given me permission to, because we already decided to have sex, and be in a relationship, so I CAN look at her. So in this moment, this reveals the other side of the coin where it now became a point of access to this special experience, which is because its forbidden.


So this experience that i go through, is like taking a blender, and shredding my body with it. Where you can be so drunk that you stumble and fall and get yourself hurt. So you the word over-joyed would be the word, with emphasis on OVER. And being drunk is when you have had TOO much. And this experience is rare and specific in that it is in response to particular women in particular situations.

Now, as a word of caution, we will be looking at the particular trigger for this response in me, and so in men in general. So the caution is that yes women can look, act, a certain way to have men react in this way. And yes they will be able to be manipulated easily. Yes. This is the caution. Both men and women are responsible for the outcome of the moment if they choose to manipulate another man or woman, in full awareness of what they are doing. So you have been warned.

The truth is that most if not all women and men, have some knowledge at some level on how to manipulate another person either sexually or not sexually, but other means. Now yes, some are masters of this. One clear example is the fashion magazines, and super models, and the porn industry etc... So many industries are built around using the image of a particular woman to manipulate both men and women. So they have really gotten manipulation down to an art.

Now, in truth, the thing for me that has me triggered is not so much the image. NO. But how the woman acts. How do I know this? Simply by comparing the image and how the woman acts. Now the image itself does lead to a reaction, but that is only when I believe the image is part of the acting. And that acting is of course that woman being attracted to you! Simple no? So if a woman acts like they are attracted to you, then you react the same way. Which is strange, honestly.

Now, my earliest memories, like when I was 6 years old, I do remember how there was a moment with a girl, where I wanted to speak to her, and be friends with her, but felt I couldn't because she wasn't interested. So that interest, is what attraction is in essence. And interest is just an attention, right? Attention is something we all wanted since being a baby. So is this entire desire of sex/attraction part of this point of wanting attention? Now when I look back at the other memory I opened up about the girl in 1st grade. I saw her as someone who would look like that she is so kind and understanding that she would like me, and be nice to me. And why is that important? Because it means that she wouldn't reject me, and that she would listen to me and give my attention. I wouldn't have to fear not getting that point. Now the second part of the 6 year old memory is that I felt rejected by this person. So it is as if from this rejection, it formed a desire for this person who rejected me. And then it translated into anyone that looked like this person, and in desire that person then, yet fearing that they would reject me. And it is part of feeling inferior through the rejection.

If the above looks complex, its because it is. This is not a simple topic to open up. So to recap, there are the following dimensions: Image, Action/behavior of the woman = activating/reminding me of women who rejected me, who I felt inferior too, and who look kind/nice. So a key point to look at is the element of surprise and contradiction. That is being rejected or inferiorized by someone who I perceived as nice/kind based on her physical appearance. And when I look at picture of women in pornography and in models, and in general, that there is the "nice girl face" that is made, and with that the I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU face. So to give some more description to it, it can be called the I am innocent and pure face. I am an angel face. I am so sweet and kind face. And when she is attracted to you, it becomes the, I am hot for you face, I want you so bad face, I need you face, be mine face etc... So you get the idea.

So these faces, they are found all over and so what I am seeing is that what I went through, is a general point for men. Now the point of responsibility that men need to take is that someone else being nice/kind to you, whoever it may be, does not fill the point where you are nice and kind to yourself. That is where responsibility must be taken. Now this point, once it is lived, whether someone rejects you, it won't mean that you lose the point of being nice or kind to yourself. In reality it could never go away. So then you won't feel inferiorized for having lost this point now.

Now here's the big question. Why is there this split between males/females, where females take on the point of being kind/sweet? At one point, we were so young that male/female didn't exist. And only later we were expected to become male or female. So fundamentally this point of sexual attraction based on what the opposite sex is living as, is related to believing that you can't live that point for yourself because you are male/female, and so you are limited to what you are allowed to express or live. This limitation gave a false meaning or significance to certain expressions and validated the belief that male/female expressions and the separation is valid/beneficial.

The problem everyone seems to over look is that countless hours and effort is spent looking for the ONE that will complete you. That is a waste of time. And that is being supported by this separation belief. Plus, only you will be able to fulfill that ONE that is yourself.

So right now, if I were to see myself meeting that girl when I was in the 1st grade. If I had been kind/sweet myself to her, and approached her and said hi, then there wouldn't be any attraction or fear of looking at her. It is only when I am waiting there in front of her, hoping and waiting or wanting her to be nice/kind to me, is that point of attraction/fear existent. When I am living and moving/expressing me as sweetness as kindness, then there is no lack or wanting. So that is the point.

So yes right now I am facing the trigger of an image of a particular set of features for a woman, but also some men, where I do expect them to be kind/sweet, and hope that they are like that too me, and so within that I am secretively/actually wanting myself to live that point. So this is indicating to me, that I have a belief that certain people, and how they look will indicate that they are sweet/kind. This is a mis-belief. And I have a reaction to people who are kind and sweet, that I have investigated before. So right now the solution is to live that point for myself, especially in moments with these people, and to also stop the belief that they will be expressing kindness/sweetness as an expression as themselves in the moment. Because in truth this is an expression as a decision you make, which you express only for a moment. It is never WHO you are. A person is not kind or sweet, but they express that way for a moment. We often believe and speak with our words that people ARE kind and sweet as if they are always like that and that is all they are. That is exactly the point I am looking at here today. Now for me what I notice immediately is that the expression of kindness and sweetness has very little to do and perhaps nothing at all with the image we portray as what kindness or sweetness is, which is more like a statue that is unmoving, like a still photograph, which is the opposite of what a movement as an expression is.

Lastly, I would like to add, as a point of clarification, that I do have persons I have met throughout life who I can recognize as they expressing kindness/sweetness as friendliness and how that point is perceived as flirting. So that is a common mixup. And understanding what is going on as attraction, it makes sense why I was confused, and why others too get confused. Though now I have a reference of what I means to express this point. But of course, there is no guarantee that others will not take me expressing as this point as not a point of flirting. And of course there is much more involved behind when someone takes someone else as flirting with them, which for me, I have not ever decided, I am flirting now. Not once. So I have no clue what it means. So for me at least, I can do without that and simply work on the attraction level and the reaction level. So for me I will express kindness/sweetness without conditions/expectation, and simply be a decision, yet within assessing and awareness of the moment, myself, and the other person. Because I am responsible to assist and support another where I can that they live within self-honesty and self-responsibility.

So what is missing now?

So, it really seems I can write a book about everything that happens between the traditional male/female attraction. So, to just add one more point to this, is how there is the point of separation that THEY are the ones making me feel this way. The same statement would be, I AM the one making the other person feel this way. So these two statements are incomplete. Because it is always an acceptance and allowance of oneself to react to another, YET, within that if a person chooses to manipulate someone and cause them to react, then THEY take responsibility for what happens, especially if they do not take the responsibility for showing the other person how to take responsibility for their reactions. So what defines manipulation here?

 Manipulation is when you act or speak in such a way that you only do so for the purpose of causing a specific reaction with in another person. That is manipulation. If you are doing self-movement and simply expressing yourself, but not as manipulation, then that is it. If you are manipulation then that it is. Manipulation is not bad, but it can be abused, especially in situations where you deliberately limit another person, and so essentially go against what is best for all. All abuse is abuse when it goes against what is best for all. So if you use manipulation to assist another to expand themselves, then that is cool. 

So with the above point now understood, in general when it comes to our general presentation of ourselves and communication, in all contexts, which include relationships, romantic interests, pornography, fashion, physical appearance, everything, that in general we are abusers as we are not standing for what is best for all outcome. Instead we use our presentation as a point of limiting others, and receiving some satisfaction as a self-belief system.

When it comes to presentation, honesty is the best policy, except where it jeopardizes your survival. So, when it comes to the physical mind systems, its survival was place first. So it designed the sex and attraction system, based on your lacks, to motivate you, yet keep you serving the mind through generating energy, and so never fulfilling yourself in what you lacked.

So in essence when you are fulfilled, the entire systems of sex, of relationships, or attractions, end. Because you are fulfilled. What is then possible is decisions of expression. So the old world as the image and presentation and the meanings behind them will fall and fail. Our entire conception of beauty of sexy, of hotness will change. We won't see or focus on the image so much, but in a different way, where the body is seen for what it is. And so the person is seen for who they are.

Now for me personally, who or what shaped or formed my guy mind, my male mind as seeking a female mate the most? My parents/family. Basically, they imprinted the belief that I can't only be friends with a woman. And they imprinted the belief about what would be a good mate. They imprinted a fear about letting them down. They imprinted a desire to please them. This I all accepted and allowed and lived in my life. This influenced all of my major decisions on who I believed would be a good mate, and who I went after or not. This influenced how I felt, scared, or excited in response to which person. This meant I was never practical or honest about what women I was attracted as, as each one was a point of wanting to please my parents points. And if I were to remove that point. What would remain would be the obvious, that there were great people that I would have liked to have been myself with, but wasn't because I was in this program. This program meant that I was in reaction or possession, that how I talked and acted were special in design to make my fall in a relationship with a person. Essentially I was submissive, subservient, and at the will of the other person. A person that would connect with my program would be someone dominant that would control me and demand of me, and so easily manipulate me.

Now in having seen all of this, it is clear to me that with people who I did get along with, I didn't have any interest in relationship in. Meaning that energetically there was a motivation to get into a relationship with the person if there was a friction there. That is what this fear is too, in essence a friction. If everything is going well or smooth, it is not what the program was designed for. Because in essence, what I lived in relation to my family/parents demands/expectations is a point of inferiority/superiority. If all was cool, equal, balance, acceptance, then this program wouldn't have manifested. It was only through drama did this program manifest.

In addition, the point of sex, was never discussed, and if it were discussed it was within a point of reaction. Sex as expression of who you are, doesn't exist yet on the planet. But that is what also would have balanced and stabilized me as a child/person growing up in the world and relating to people. Where it is an acceptance of who you are and of the other person, within a stability. My parents lived a normal life, meaning they have had lots of different partners and went through the usual dramas. They haven't had though a stable relationship, because that stability can only come from your stability with yourself. Then you would/could potentially gift yourself that stability through getting in contact with the right people that support that stability.



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