“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Following directions for creation. What can cooking teach me? 298

I am fairly good at cooking. I am extremely good at following recipes. I can make just about anything with the right equipment, ingredients and a recipe. I know for others, following a recipe is difficult. For me, I stay focused, and I plan a head, what the best thing to do first, and what are the absolute most critical points in the cooking process, and I DON"T TAKE shortcuts. I do it exactly what it needs to be. And I make it good, yummy! In that sense I am patient/diligent/focused. I rather spend the extra time making something really good. I don't have any doubt or fear that I can't bake or cook something with the right recipe and ingredients. Though I notice how others judge me as a good cook, because they can't do what I do, which is to be diligent, focused and committed. That is all I do, nothing more. I'm thinking that they just want to compliment me to get food from me. Because that is what I see them do to my grandmother. I think that is distasteful then. Things always get ruined when other people's thoughts/judgments come into my life. They want to believe that their beliefs and version of reality is real. And I don't care for theirs, and when i express that, they get upset. They are all just a bunch of bullies. Why do they think I don't talk with them?

I do feel angry, upset, annoyed, self-conscious, inferior, worried, scared, nervous, in such moments when interacting with people about the subject of me cooking and they complimenting me, and telling me that I should be a cook or chef, or tell me how good my food is speaking in a tone of voice that they won't more of the food I made. I just simply have to decide what I do and who I am, and I know who I am. I know the reason why I cook well, its because of who I am, and has nothing to do with cooking/baking per se, and it all has to do with who I am in the moment. Now to bring those parts of me into the rest of my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel all of these emotions and reactions, instead of being/deciding who I am in the moment with someone when they tell me that I should cook for living. I can instead simply accept their compliment because they don't have the awareness that it is who I am in the moment that creates the food, and that if they were someone who can listen to the truth, that to share it in part the "secret".

The course where I learned how to write and introspect in a structured supportive way. http://desteniiprocess.com/

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