“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Sunday, June 28, 2015

The importance of the Decisions you make 296

So you have heard that the decisions you make have lasting impact on your future. You may have even made certain decisions that changed your life drastically, and that you may regret deeply. So I recently am recognizing and seeing a particular decision I made, which I hadn't fully taken responsibility for and turned out to be a really bad decision, and within/from the consequence of the bad decision, it not only was a bad decision, it also affected who I am, my confidence and my ability to make good decisions.

So I realize that this may sound confusing, so let's start with the situation. So when I was 18 years old I entered into my first relationship. This point of a relationship forming was the results of years upon years of thinking, imagination, hoping, desiring, emotions and feelings. So in that sense I created it and the consequence was inevitable. So I was ready and willing to enter into a relationship with ANYONE. So I essentially had no standards, really. So within what I accept and allowed I created my own consequence. What would you expect to happen to you if you would be with ANYBODY? I mean really, let's be honest here, you are going to face tremendous consequence, it's obvious, isn't it? You are going to and will place yourself in the worst position possible, and it will suck tremendously for you. You are essentially placing out a sign inviting abuse into your home.

So I don't need to go into the detail of the relationship to share this point. That I made a bad decision, when I chose to be with this person. I didn't look at the person, or spent time to get to know the person. I didn't see if they were trustworthy, or responsible or dependable. I didn't see what their goals were, what they wanted to do with their life, and whether that was aligned with my own. I didn't see if whether they have parts of themselves that support me, or whether they would support me. It was all a mystery, which I notice how that is one common point of attraction, that when someone appears mysterious that they are then attractive? A mystery just means you don't know? So not knowing who someone is is attractive? That is just plain weird when you look at it.

So in essence nothing came from spending time with this person, besides wasting my own time. The gift from it was facing the consequence so that I can learn from it. Because like I said, it was an inevitable outflow of years upon years of thinking, thoughts, imagination, hopes and dreaming.

Seeing how I didn't make an assessment of the person is strange when I look at who i was as a person in school, growing up. I was disciplined, focused, practical, organized, diligent, and made mathematical, clear decisions. But when I looked at what I did in my "free" time I was thinking about relationships. So it was like two separate worlds, until the worlds collided when it became real where I made a bad decision that I regretted only after the consequences occurred. Yet when I see all of the information, being informed by parents, by media, by tv, by movies, by people, by adults, by family, by everyone everywhere, about relationships, then the decision felt right and went into that information that I accepted and allowed myself to be informed with. So that initial acceptance and allowance where every time I would feel fuzzy and good watching a couple in a movie, is what eventually lead to that outcome/consequence I faced when I was 18 years old.

What was interesting about the experience of the relationship is how I approached it as a decision I made, where I felt I made the right decision, that I was right where I was suppose to be, that this was destiny or fate, and I was meant to be with this person. So it felt like a right decision. And so when it fell apart, I questioned then everything, because I was so sure, and now it turned out to not be the case. So that was interesting to see, where it was a decision in that sense.

So from there I lost confidence and I didn't know who I was or what to base my decisions on. Because I trusted this point, and this feeling, and not it proved to be untrustworthy. So this moment where I moved from feeling so right, to feeling horrible as everything went wrong, had a consequence in affecting my general decision making ability, I literally couldn't make very simple decisions. I didn't trust myself anymore, and so I turned to higher guidance, or God. So my ability to make decisions was completely subverted there with what happened. From that point on I walked a process of understanding what happened, understanding the mind, the emotions, and feelings, and the cycles of creation, which took years now to get to this point where I can write about it and understand just now.

I mean, it is only now am I seeing what happened in such detail. But it took years to piece everything together. Where I looked at the all the various individual parts separately, one at a time. So relationships and within that there are so many parts to it. It's really like a puzzle piece.

So the process I walk is the desteni process. And for those that are ready they can start right away.

The solution would be then to make decisions again, good decisions. To assess, to understand, measure, value, see the parts and essentially make a mathematical equation, and so output/result and so decision. This includes deciding on making a relationship based on an agreement. That initial one decision will completely define you, and the relationship/agreement. So it's important to take that decision as well as other major decisions with seriousness and time. Because that would say a lot about you wouldn't it?

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