“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Who am I? What is my story? -Yogan 253



Yogan
Who am I? What is my story?

So I am trying to define myself, and place myself into words, categories, and descriptions, such that it encompasses my whole life, and all of my life experiences. I have experiences that cover spirituality, new age, gurus, christianity, philosophy, psychology, academics, living in the United States, specifically Miami, Florida, Hispanic culture, the Spanish language, going to public and private schools, being a guy, being an introvert, having dogs and cats, having divorced parents that get along, having a brother and a sister, being 24 years old, having a bachelors degree in psychology, having lived in Portland for 4 years, while studying at Reed College, being a straight A high school student, feeling lonely/alone, having crushes, being in relationships, having had sex, wanting to be married with someone forever, not knowing what to do with my life, not knowing or being sure there is a God, also not even caring because I hold myself to my own standards, holding everyone responsible for everything they do, feeling emotional, conflicted, frustrated at inadequacy, feeling inferior for not being the ideal student, wanting others to listen to me, wanting to be a better person, not for me but for others, so that they can have a better life, being completely self-less, feeling completely disoriented, lost and confused, not really doing anything or having any goals, and having purpose and goals, being driven, achieving excellence, and reaching the highest standards, being one of the best, having a dream, a moment of genuine care, that motivated me to live, that is to simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up. Out of all of my stories and life experiences, this one point is all that seems to matter to me. I don't really care if anything of my story were different, except for this one point. This is what I treasure most, and I have always kept it here within me, reminding myself of that. There is something seriously wrong with all of us, and we need to fix it. That is my only goal, my only purpose. And it is the same one that I have had since I was little, that motivated me to study, and do the work that was asked of me. I was compliant, obedient, I did what I had to do.

So that's my story thus far. Anyone reading this now would have a really deep understanding of who I am and what I am all about. And as far as I am concerned, they know the most important thing about me. The question is whether I will succeed. Or I should really say: whether WE will succeed, because only everyone can fix everyone.

So this is WHO I really am. And this is something I have protected and kept alive within me. Every other experience, title, or name doesn't define me. Only this defines me. That is why I will rename my blog title to A child's Journey to Life, because we are all children, there are no adults, and this part of me, is what has existed since childhood, so as both a reminder of who I am, and who we really are, I title my blog as that. I will make a public visible note of this, who I am, so that in every moment, I am fulfilling me. Because I can forget. So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations.

Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose. Now I need to fully embrace and live it more fully, completely and absolutely. 

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