“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Gaming: Conflicting forces of personal shame and judgement within Myself 257

Losing your Purpose in Gaming

So in about 1-2 days, I will be on a hangout on gaming possession. While during this hangout I will be discussing possession of gaming, and the negative side effects of this addiction. I would like to focus on this blog particularly on a completely different point on my gaming experience. While there are lots of positive and negations attitudes I have towards gaming, there are some practical points that I did learn and found useful in gaming. In general my attitude towards gaming is a mix of shame, embarrassment, guilt, on one end, and on the other end excitement, thrill, enjoyment, and fun. For the negative spectrum, I have this voice within me that says gaming is childish, and shouldn't be done by adults, and makes people stupid, and is something that is a waste of time. Particularly because of this side, I would like to point out, what lessons I have learned and applied from the games I have played.

One theme I have faced in many video games is overcoming difficulty, and preserving in especially overwhelming odds. I remember one game in particular, where both me and my brother were trying to beat this level on a game, and MAN, we couldn't do it. We tried, tried, and tried, over and over again. We really kept at it, and we did get closer, but not enough. Some time past, before we tried again, and when we did, we succeeded. That is how I learned that, not only the value of trying, but the value of learning, wherein through taking a break, and spending time away, there was some learning process occurring within our bodies, that assimilated past experiences, and so preparing us fresh for the next encounter. This I see as something I applied throughout my life, enabling success in several different areas of my life, especially when it came to learning some skill or field of knowledge, either a physical one or mental one.

Something significant for me, was playing these open world games where you have choices on what to do, and how to treat people. I found that even though no one else was watching but me, that the value of sticking to personal principles of who I want to be,  which boils down to the decisions I make. I am just personally satisfied with being me, and so sticking to me.

So things aren't always what we judge them to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge gaming as childish, as stupid, as a waste of time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I should feel shameful, and embarrassed if I play games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not play without self-judgement, but instead play with self-acceptance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that by judging myself for playing games, I am creating a video game addiction, where I do have a genuine points of me expressing myself within games that would like be real, here, and recognize, but are suppressed by me when I judge myself for playing games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not recognize the truth of what is here, and to only stay within judgement and self-righteousness, which makes only some right, instead of what is actually best through including all/everyone/thing.

When and as I see myself judging something like video games, or people that play them, and so separating myself from that point, I stop and I breathe- I realize that by separating me that people, place, thing, I am not seeing the full picture, but just a limited perspective, so I must stop my judgment and so separation IMMEDIATELY. If I wait too long I will forget, and not remember and so stay within the judgment as if it is real, and if that does happen to me, I will be at the mercy of chance/fate waiting for something or someone else to provide me to opportunity to just see what I have done, which is to judge and so separate myself. I don't want that to happen to me.

I commit myself to breathe, stop my judgment to video gaming specifically, and open to that other gaming, other recreational activities, and other methods of enjoyment, so as to encompass more and more, until eventually all judgment STOPS.

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