“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Amger...is Pointless 242

Father

Daughter ‘shot in head’ called 911 after father ‘massacred family’

"A Queens dad massacred his family early this morning, marching from room to room, shooting his two daughters, his girlfriend and her mother in the head before later killing himself, police said."







Oh daddy!
 So what is the father/dad construct. So I am not speaking about being a father, however if I were a father I would probably live and integrate this father/dad construct because it already exists within me, so it is prepared to enter into position. So then how is the father/dad construct existent within me. Well, believe it or not, I am relating to everyone in certain relationship constructs, here are some examples:
Mother -all females that are old enough
Sister
Friend
Girlfriend -all females that are young enough
Father
 So as you might have observed one of the main point that distinguish whether I treat a female like a mother or like a girlfriend is their age. Strange, but true. So why am I looking at the Father point? Well there's a story to that. The best place to start is with how I will relate to someone, like a woman that is around 40s like how I would to my mother. Makes sense? So the question is now how do I relate to men that are in their 40s?

So maybe you can guess it has something to do with these pictures above and the news article. Well it does. So what I observe is that it is this fear, violent, angry, construct. Like a big hulking man that screams at you. Have you ever had your father certainly burst out in anger and scream? Or some similar adult? Maybe a teacher? So that's the example I referring to, where you enter into fear/shock/paralysis. What is most interesting in this is that I will now expect and place all males that are old enough into this category. To be honest, my category for Father is much younger than for mother. So in general I view All males as fitting the Father category, even young males. This explains my general avoidance of male friends/peers/students in school. There were exceptions of course, though for the vast majority I focused on female friendships, and the male friends were small/young/boyish or more child-like.

So what is interesting, and why I am initiated this investigation, is because this fear response is preventing me from speaking to and calling strangers, new people, because they might be male. I once met one girl, who told me that she had a fear of men/males. Now I can relate to what she said to me. I suspect then that we all have this unconsciously. And that is also part of why when we men become fathers, we shout and scream, because we are becoming the "monsters" we fear.

So this is quite an interesting point because this is found in the Media, such as the show the Simpsons, which is very famous, and as well as in the news, where that news article was published today. So what exists within me, exists in the world.  
 
As a practical point: yes I may encounter men, males, but also maybe women/females, that are angry or express anger, but certainly not all will be like that and fit into this category in my head, this box, where I presorted and pre-pared an emotional response and emotional body to respond with fear, shock, avoidance, and paralysis. So yes I have been screamed at, from teachers and parents. Yes, they did so unnecessarily and for their selfish reason of releasing energy through screaming. Yes I did carry that memory within me, and I would access the same emotions/feelings in such similar moments, building new memories ontop of them. And like I have said, yes I am creating and anticipation and expectation that I will face such a moment again, and when I am reminded of that, I am accessing those same memories, moments of experiences and emotions/feelings. And now that I am in a moment of honesty, and rereading what I have wrote, I have also, yes, been angry and used screaming at someone to release the energy for my selfish reason, within a justifying belief that that is all I could do, and also not being aware that I am passing on and reaffirming the same program that exists in me in that person I am screaming or even just raising my voice slightly to. I notice too that even slightly raising my voice, and sounding slightly angry is the same point, its no different really. That slightly raising my voice and getting slightly angry, is something I have done plenty. And this is connected and is a part of this same father construct I am opening up.

I also believe that females have the same, however they may just suppress it more, and so it becomes more rare or more explosive, or maybe they get a sickness or disease. This I see directly from my mother, where she also has burst out in anger, but only more rarely, and so she always suppressed it. So Father/Mother Male/Females, we are all doing it, its just the symbol of the father/male that has been assigned this role to be the one that expresses it outwardly because it is acceptable and the norm. Women have to suppress it. Similar to how men must suppress expressing OTHER emotions/feelings, that females then are expected and acceptable to express. Remember anger is just One emotion. So its no different really than the other emotions and feelings.

So this construct is directly affecting my life, and is in the way of me opening up and expanding myself to have a greater power through making connections with people. Because its like the fear of the unknown, I don't know whether they will get angry and scream. I don't know... So that's is what stored within me. One thing that is interesting is that I have looked at these fears, but not in this dimension of fathers/males, becoming angry and screaming. When I access this dimension, there's a specific response with me, which indicates this is indeed something new that I hadn't considered.

So over the past months I have met many new people, of all ages, and genders. So that assisted me to see specifically the Mother - girlfriend point, which at least one distinguishing point is age. I did meet much fewer males, however within meeting the males, there was like this fear present that wasn't so present with the females. This is what I am seeing now as I look back in my memories. It's interesting because its so apparent now that I am looking at it. This certainly limited my conversations with the men specifically. Because when you are in fear/emotion, you move slower, so everything else moves faster, so it's like you can't keep up with the conversation and be here, because part of your attention is involved in the emotions/fear, makes sense? 

So this is the correction: that everyone has all dimensions that exists in all of us, to some extent. So when I speak with someone I need to reach their being, their potential, that is what/who I am looking for within/through, and perhaps behind their words. Their personalities, and the rest will probably show up, and I need to push through my own personalities and points that are triggered with their personalities or maybe even their being, if I have personalities for that as well. So that is my starting point when talking with anyone. Obviously I may have to take on certain roles where conversations do not allow for connections, maybe because they are more constricted. But in general, always push for and look for that being connection. Because such connections serve as foundations where amazing constructions then become unlocked/possible. And it may even be that the person is constricted, tightly wound within their mind stuff, so I may even need to dance, play, dodge, and seek out their being points, which might be unlocked or found in certain words, histories, memories, or elsewhere. I also recognize that some people, though they will be rare, will be able to make a connection with me from me just expressing me, myself, my being. That how I got involved with Desteni afterall. So such people exist, though are rare, and probably have quite an interesting history/story to tell. So welcome to Reality, haha. Relationships is the future/Destiny. That is the fabric/foundation of this entire existence and all systems, as evident in me. Meaning that how I have been relating to males, has defined me, and also predicting what kind of father I will be, and also how many people I will reach and make connections with, which would be fewer, which has been few thus far in my life. I have only known/met a few people in my life, I could have known much more.

In comparison to who I was before this investigation, before I saw this fear in relation to just strangers or new people. But now that I opened up the point, it is not as simple as that. Its actually more specific and in relation to specific memories and moments shared with specific people and how they acted and how I reacted in response to their action.

Also, looking at this point: its ridiculous when someone gets angry. Looking at my memories where, fathers, mothers, teachers got angry... what they got angry about, what they were complaining about, the source of their frustration/angry, was ridiculous. The things that were called the reason for their anger were small, insignificant, and also not really within their power/control. How is it any different from a young child throwing a tantrum? Are our children just showing ourselves to ourselves? Our anger that they have copied and taken on to show us what we do? And don't we call such tantrums as ridiculous and pointless? I have certainly participated in such points and have thrown plenty of tantrums. And what resulted from my tantrums? Nothing. So anger really is pointless.
I am Amger
GRRRRrrrrr


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