“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

History of Games: Video games 221



Video Games
So I will be investigating video games, both in my life and in general. I will be looking at all the various perspectives around video games, ones that I have had, and popular ones shared by many. I will look at the positive and negative. The topic is an important topic to investigate especially with entire generations of children having grown up with video games, which includes myself.

So what is a video game? Well.. it is a game. But it involves electronics, essentially to create the game. Games include board games, card games, sports etc... What makes video games distinct is that they involve electronics, such as tvs, to simulate moving pictures, and sounds to create, an interactive story, where a person is needed to play it for it to progress. For me I notice memorable video games evoking emotions, like any memorable book, music, or movie. Like other mediums, video games are acts of creation, meaning they are created. They have the potential for eduction as well as entertainment.

So practically speaking, and looking at the physical components, video games are not more or less impressive than movies, books, board games, music or any such mediums. They are just there own kind, involving computers. Computers is what have made video games possible.

So what is the current relationship to video games? It can be used to avoid problems, similar to alcoholism where you can enter into an alternative reality placed in a video game. Video games can also offer a way to develop skills in reasoning and logic. Video games can make stories come alive, that is unique, because it offers interactivity, in a way books or movies can't.

What are some of the concerns about video games? That like tv, they trap our attention and dumb us down. However, I see it that a person is only dumb when they do not fully develop themselves as a person, and so all of their abilities and skills. While it may be true a person may play video games for excessive hours, would that really be the cause of a lack of time spent in developing one's own ability? That would be an excuse, wouldn't it? And what about violence, can performing/acting violence in video games lead to violent behaviors? Obviously one acts in violence when one is motivated by their emotions. So really the question is, what anger is existent and why? And have people been shown how to face their anger? Playing violent video games are not the solution, but they are certainly not creating the problem. While it may be easy to blame video games, especially because how we have all be taught how evil video games are, and the stigma placed on them, the truth of the matter is that any ignorance or inadequacy that is associated to video games through people who play them, don't have to do with the games, but with the people, and more directly how they were developed, or more precisely, how they were not developed by/through the environment, which includes adults primarily.

So obviously someone who is responsible, and takes care of all of the duties that he/she has set up for him/herself to do, and places free time to enjoy himself, after completing his duties, is quite a successful person, wouldn't you say? If someone plays the whole day, then it either has to do with his lack of setting duties or his failure to live up to the duties he set. So it the end it really is all a decision, and what one does with ones time, and how one divides up one's day.

On deeper dimensions however, a person, such as myself, may have, emotional investment in certain games, which are connected to real life experiences, of losing, doing worse, failing, and how one reacts to that, such as with fear, discomfort, disgust, resistance.

I forgive myself to resist playing video games and feel discomfort, disgust and fear when I lose at a video game.

 I forgive myself to suppress how I felt while losing, and ignore it, instead of genuinely letting it go.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a vendetta to win, to somehow show something/someone invisible that I can win, which really it is to show up my own emotions, or myself, in a way to kind of prove myself wrong, as if feeling discomfort, disgust, fear, and resistance meant that I can't win in the future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus on how I felt, instead of my performance/action, and the power I have to change how I act/behave, and so play the game, thus proving to myself I can change, and so I can win, in any situation/moment, and that my emotional experience and thoughts were a lie.

When and as i see myself playing a game and feeling disgusted, resistance, tired, discomfort, and fear- I stop and I breathe and I realize that I don't need to prove to anyone that I can win a game, because I know that I can do anything if I dedicate myself to it, and that if I can't do something someone expects of me, that doesn't mean anything, because it can't tell me how it is possible, or whether it is possible, and that is something I would need to firstly decide whether it is worth finding out even. - Thus I commit myself to use games practically, either for pure enjoyment, or for serving as a lesson or demonstration for another person, and certainly not at all for proving that I can win because that is frankly, not fun, and pointless, since games are for fun, not proving things that would only validate inferiority.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Reflection: Daily Blogging Commitment: What are the benefits? Why should/would I blog daily? 220




So right now I am reflecting on daily blogging. For the past 2 weeks or so, I have been blogging almost everyday. I did make a schedule for myself where I included daily things to do, and it took some time and effort, but I have been fairly successful. I see that within having a history now of blogging for about 2 weeks, that I don't want to stop or break the cycle, that I want to keep going, and perhaps see how far I can go. So its like a motivation that comes with momentum or an acceleration that occurs similar to an exponential growth. And one thing too. I am able to easily relate and connect to the recent blogs I have written, and so I am seeing overall patterns and connections between events/moments in my daily life to recent moments/events, such as the blogs on self-worth. I find too that when I am writing certain words down, or topics, especially as I write them down on different days, and so repeat these words, I am instilling the words inside myself, like they are becoming part of my everyday vocabulary but also as a reference to explain how I feel, and my mind patterns. Like with identifying nervousness and feeling scared, which I have wrote in regard to self-worth. This has assisted me to move myself in new moments, in new situations, where I didn't have to write about the event, because I could already relate to what I knew about nervousness and feeling scared as it pertained to self-worth, so I was able to walk through this new situation.

It is certainly important for me to continue with daily writing/blogging, because if these are the kind of results I have had so far, just imagine what more writing will bring!

The main thing I am focusing now on is the physical movement, through physical pains, tiredness and exhaustion, where I am pushing myself further than before. So that means to write my daily blogs even if I just have 20 mins and it is late at night, and I spent the whole day busy/moving/working. Even let's say I was mind possessed for most of the day, and I only realize this at the end of the day, to still write anyway. So to let there be no excuse, and let my word in this matter be final. That I will post a blog everyday.


Monday, December 29, 2014

I am the law, I am the word, I am the authority 219

Ego.
So I'm getting quicker, faster, more accurate and precise, more correct, and overall better in several things that I have been doing continuously/daily with the intent/purpose of becoming PERFECT or a master of it. So within this I have been experiencing some ego content based thoughts/backchat/words/phrases in relation to other people specifically and how they are. So I am flagging this point, and investigating it. So I would say that becoming better and doing more is a birthright. And that to feel good/god/ego because I am doing it in contrast to others, is delusional. I would actually do things on this starting point to prevent others to become as great as me. One thing that is interesting that I am noticing is that this has happened with only a few things, because I have had moments where I did fail completely, and so such thoughts are absent from this area.

Resentment
resentment that they did not show me this or teach me this.

Anger
anger that they are not doing the same with themselves, becoming better.

I have anger about how I am doing it and they aren't, and so there is resentment for that. And all of this would justify not showing them how. Commonsense is that if they knew how they would because it commonsense to do so, and if they don't do and still know, well that's just stupid, which is commonsense, and there also might be resistance to do such as thoughts and backchat, as was the case for me, so that is expected. So it takes time for people to get it. 

I realize that a starting point of this ego was frustration towards the situation that other people were not agreeing with me and seeing things from my perspective, even though I have been developing my perspectives and abilities to a noticeably higher extent than these people. So the lesson to learn is that even when you become better and more developed, this doesn't change other people, just yourself. So I am the one changing not them

What do I do?
Is there any problems?
Is there a way I can make them see things my way? I don't care. The truth is in front of his face. I can't make him or anyone see it. I just need to be honest myself, and just live.

Within letting go of anger, resentment and frustration, I feel peace. It is similar/the same as within letting go of nervousness and feeling afraid in relation self-worth. It is different in the sense that letting go of the anger, resentment and frustration, is more of a silence that occurs after a large amount of noise has stopped. Its like an enjoyment of the silence.

I notice that within these words I am standing completely independently of judgments of good/bad and morality, and essentially all exterior systems outside of myself. Within and as me, I am the law, I am the word, I am the authority, and creator/decider of my reality. I do have ultimate authority and say. This is quite the juxtaposition, because one would normally think, believe and associate power and ego, authority and ego as one, but they are not. It is in reverse. Ego is a victim. Ego is making yourself inferior, and justifying your way of life and action within a victimization, and inferiority, saying that you have no control or authority over anything, in an attempt to be not responsible. That is Ego. 

So it just so happens that in the real world, people with power actually make themselves to be, and believe themselves as victims as well. Everyone is doing this right now, aren't they? I guess the most pertinent question is whether you are doing it, right now?

So I stop the anger, resentment and frustration. I stop seeing myself as a victim for being in a situation where others around me don't agree or understand me, and I choose to make this reality my own.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that I have the responsibility to show to others the truth, no matter what I must do, and to feel frustrated, angry, and resentful is frankly a waste of my time and creation potential, to create the moment where people around me do hear and understand the truth/reality of themselves and this world as a whole.

I commit myself to do this, to create the moment for this to come to fruition, where each one by one understands the reality of things, which I will do by trial-and-error and learning from how others have done it, and trusting myself, my intuition, and just go for it!

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Review of Process: Self-introspection on Breathing as a tool 218



Review of Process: Self-introspection on Breathing as a tool

So I am taking this moment as an opportunity to review my history's process, specifically in relation to breathing as a tool. So the first thing I noticed was strange, that is I don't think about or consider breathing to be a tool I run to when I am facing a mind/energy point within me. The times when I focus on my breathing is when my breathing is constricted or limited, which tend to occur when I am within a mind/energy point. So upon discovering/noticing this in the moment I start to assist myself by breathing fully again.

If I look back into my history of my process, I have treated and used breathing for purposes that were not supportive. I believed for a long time that I had to breathe and be aware of my breath in every moment. That is something I don't believe anymore, because my objective is to face, self-forgive/release a point of energy or mind participation that exists within me. Upon releasing that I step in my body and direct myself, which is my ultimate goal. So breathing is useful in this process, when I first identify I am participating in an energy/mind point and I notice my breathing is restricted.

One mistake I used to do often, was to use suppression. I would suppress things, instead of taking it through the process of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction, within the hopes that by breathing it would fix things. I do sometimes stand my ground and direct myself that may for a moment involve being aware of my breathing, but staying actively aware of my breathing, as I learned cannot substitute stepping into the physical and directing myself.

So in general, for much of my process I overemphasized, and inflated the importance of breathing, and I would feel guilty if I wasn't aware of my breathing, as if that is what I should be doing. So now, I have learned, that breathing is only a small step, one step within a series of steps I take now when faced with a mind point, and I use it automatically as is needed and required. The other steps, of course, include writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction/physical application.

If you are interested about learning these tools for your own application/use, you can do so for free, in an online guided course @ lite.desteniiprocess.com Sign up for a Free Account Today!

Friday, December 26, 2014

What is my self-value? Where does self-value come from? 217



So today I experienced something unusual. That is thinking about my diet, and some other things, such as about my dog. When I would start thinking about things, this would create non-existent problems. So I am creating a flag for this generalized thinking that occurs with seemingly random things, such as with my dog or with food. What I notice within this thinking is that I would start to feel emotional, mainly sad and worried. This would lead/fuel a greater motivation to think more about these things and correct these problems, which before were non-existent. What I notice in general about this specific kind of thinking is that it relates to fixing problems.

So I would create a problem in my mind, and I would then think about how to fix it. This would lead to a panic, where I felt worried, scared. Within this panic and thought, I would try and fix things, but really be feeding and validating the non-existent problems. I notice this generally happening in the world in Veganism/Vegetarianism, Healthy eating, How to stay young and healthy, How to take care of your pets, etc... In general there is a fear of loss, whether it be beauty, youth, health, or your pets... This is still existent within me, and it relates to valuing such things, and that value is made equal to my self-value. So I have valued myself based on how I have valued, my youth, my strength/health, my appearance/beauty, and my dog/pet.

My most recent blogs have been about these individual points: beauty/appearance and self-value or worth. These aforementioned points are all on where my self-value/worth has been placed in separation of me/self by placing it in aspects or parts of myself or in other objects/people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-value and self-worth within my current state of my physical body, whether it is young in appearance, in a healthy state, or strong in stature.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-value and self-worth within my relationship with my dog/pet Shana, and whether she responds to me and is energetic or excited-looking while I am around.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-value and self-worth within my intelligence and knowledge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-value and self-worth within my popularity, and likeability.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-value and self-worth within being right.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Christmas 'Presents' 216


Presents, Christmas Eve.
I feel sad, depressed, tired. Imagination of people getting angry with me. I feel a pain, emotional pain. And I feel a movement of crying within me. It seems silly to me that we give presents. Because within me, I have felt sad when I don’t receive a present and someone else did. I feel like that said something about my value/worth as a human being or person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value and worth to myself dependent upon what presents I did receive, or did not receive because others had received a present.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself highly when I receive a present, which I believe/perceive is of high value, that someone else didn’t receive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself lowly when I don’t receive a present, which I believe/perceive to be of high value, because someone else received it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself or others, based on what presents we did or did not receive.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad, depressed and tired, when I receive presents.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an emotional pain and feel like crying when I am around an atmosphere of gift-giving.
When and as I see myself feeling sad, depressed, tired, and having an emotional pain, with a physical movement of crying, while I am in an atmosphere of gift-giving, such as Christmas, I stop and I breathe – I realize that gift are just physical objects, and the value I am placing on myself based on what physical objects are given to me or not given to me, and how I value those objects, is not supportive for me and unnecessary – I realize that I can treat gifts like the physical objects they are, without my self-value fluctuating or changing based on my perception of them.
Thus, I commit myself to receive gifts with gratitude, and recognizing them as the physical objects they are, which have a value, but this value does not determine my value as a physical object myself. And I commit myself to utilize these objects to serve me in doing what is best for all, just like how I utilize myself as a physical object, this body, to serve the aim of what is best for all, because that is best for me! 
 For-give-ness is the Best Christmas Present. 

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Beautiful Women, Beautiful Self 215




Image: Beauty, women,
I had trouble looking at the woman that lived in the apartment. She was young. And I found her attractive, and by that I mean that I reacted to her. I felt nervous, shy, scared but in a desirable way. I wanted to look at her, but I felt these emotions. I don’t even know her. I felt intimidated by her appearance. I felt valued/judged by how she would have responded to me. I feel like she would have placed value in how I valued/judged her appearance. I didn’t speak to her, and I looked away, avoiding eye contact.
So what I am seeing is that I am having a large value placed in how she looked, and with that I would place value on myself based on how she looked at me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value in how a woman looks, and to place value on how she looked at me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel nervous, shy and scared when there is a woman that I am valuing highly, like with beauty, regarding her appearance, which is created in relation to the fear of being valued lowly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value and self-worth in beauty and how a person responds or looks at me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value and self-worth into looks/appearance.
When and as I see myself feeling shy, scared, fearful or worried regarding how another person looks at me, I stop and I breathe- I realize that my appearance and look does not define me, and so equally and as one, another person’s appearance and looks does not define them. I realize that what defines us is our words.
Thus, I commit myself to refine my words so that my words are effective and best communicate, me, who I am, and I commit myself to look women in the eye, and simply be here with other people that are within my environment.  

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Happy Christmas or Be consideration? 214

The most significant moments today was speaking with my dad. I spoke clearly and effectively. I was correcting in real time my reactions, identifying any quantum reactions, what they consisted of and releasing them. I attribute being clear within myself, grounded, knowing who I am, as why my communication was so clear and effective. So one question is what do I mean by clear and effective?

So my dad did have questions and disagreements, but I immediately addressed them and explained my point. You see because there is no one magical phrase, sentence or word, that is going to explain what you mean, like "Love." That's not how reality works. What you need to say, is something dependent on what the other person needs to hear, because what information is already stored within them, and what they need to hear is what information that is MISSING within them, so you're just filling in the spaces like in a jigsaw puzzle. I attribute how I lived today to all the efforts I did in writing, self-movement, in the past. Today was just the inevitable result of an accumulation of many moments of pushing, strife, understanding, learning, actions, and movements. It was cool because its like I could really see my dad within his words and who he is, and I even brought that through in my words to show him that. What kind of an effect that will have on him, I don't know. But it was really cool to see that.

I am pursing perfection in my words. This includes speed and accuracy or correctness. It obviously includes, for those that know me, the principles I am busy living, what is best for all or oneness and equality. Or shall I say commonsense, hmm? Haha. This is really how each of us should live, and really want for ourselves, and attain for ourselves, for our benefit.

On this topic of words and communication, I have a little interesting experiment for you.

So the words Happy Christmas, and Merry Birthday, what reactions do you have? If you experience within yourself any emotional reactions, this indicates that your vocabulary is limited, and therefore you are limited. Because what does Merry mean? Happy. So Merry Birthday, makes sense. But the thing is we are not even really aware what we are SAYing. We are like on automatic pilot. And that is a BIG problem. Because if you are not even aware of what you are saying when you say Happy Birthday, imagine what goes on in the rest of your day. What are you actually saying?

So the fact of the matter is that EVERYONE'S vocabulary is extremely limited. This is evidence by our emotional reactions attached to words, as well as how we restrict certain words to certain contexts, and react when they are used outside that context. If we free our words, we free our understanding and awareness. And freedom starts, by freeing ourselves from emotional reactions. That freedom is gained through self-forgiveness. You forgive yourself for attaching those emotional reactions that you had to a specific word. And you actually stop it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when I am saying Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas that I am ordering or demanding that a person BE happy on their birthday or for Christmas. I realize that it is not practical to generate a feeling, and rather it is self-supportive to take care of ourselves. So I commit myself to when saluting a person to express myself to assist and support another in assisting and supporting themselves, such as be practical, take consideration.

Monday, December 22, 2014

What motivates me? Writing it down. 213



So a few days ago, either 2 or 3, I wrote a blog about motivation, and what motivates to do what I do, live the principle I wish to live, that is what is best for all. So during the last few days, including today, more points that are motivating for me emerged. So I wish to share that today.

Okay so one motivation is about the future. Where when I think about or aware about a utopia, essentially. A world where everyone's needs are met, where everyone supports one another, and is friendly with one another. This is why I have been motivated to read and understand the Living Income Guaranteed (LIG) proposal [livingincome.me ] And that is also why I have been able to understand what it will take, and be willing to commit my life to that, and being able to sacrifice the freedom to pursue other things, because such a reality, even the possibility of it is greater than being guaranteed a personal life that is comfortable and entertaining. Because living income, and life, is not about entertainment, and being comfortable, it is about people, Life. It is about working together as one, caring for one another, and that joy of expressing with others. And what's great about working for such a future is that it is already here, even in the words I write. I am enjoying working towards this goal this future, that is about caring for each one, and about working together, as one. I am already doing/living this future, right now.

Another important motivation, is children. I feel that whatever I give and sacrifice, that even if it just gives a child a little or greater advantage than I have had, it would have been worth it. I see children as simply my future self, beings that would be entering the world that I am in right now.

So in my previous blog, A painful motivation (reminder) I discussed about the pain of knowing there are people right now, suffering, and how pain has motivated me in the past. So I have the real reality now, the pain, and I have the reality I am working to creating towards in the future. Both of these things are happening right now. I don't see these motivations, this pain, and this joy, as conflicting, but they actually fit quite nicely next to each other within me. Joy would occur in my heart/chest region, and the pain occurs in my solar plexus. And they are simply reminders of what I have seen already: the reality that exists right now, and the reality I am busy creating.

I found myself today expressing this point of joy, and working together with others as one, to manifest a certain result, that is part of creating this heaven on Earth reality. Its nice, exhilarating, dare I say motivating. I know that this only lasts for a moment and I have to let the moment go. I know that holding onto the experience creates problems for me. So I will see, test, experiment and report the more I find out. 

On a physical level, I notice my heart accelerates, and I feel warm throughout my body. So my body actually activates and move with the joy, but in a comfortable way, not like how I get when I hyperventilate when I "don't know something." And for the pain, I notice what I reported before, that is it is a presence, it doesn't constrict my breathing, but it is noticeable and grabs my attention. It is also not painful per se, but a reminder of the pain of others. Also my breathing is nice and even throughout both pain and joy. 

Hahaha, what I notice just now is that my pain and joy are working together as one, to motivate me for the same goal/end.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Transcendence Movie: what can we learn? 212




http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2209764/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transcendence_%282014_film%29
http://putlocker.is/watch-transcendence-online-free-putlocker.html
Hi! So welcome to today's blog post. So today we will be looking at a movie I saw last night. Transcendence. I will be discussing the movie plot and details so this is a SPOILER ALERT. So first of all the word transcendence is quite interesting. It basically means to go above or beyond, usually used in the context of evolving, or becoming better, or overcoming something. For many people this movie was very biblical, but for me it was quite different.

So the very basic plot is that a man's consciousness or awareness is copied into a very advance computer, and he starts growing more knowledgeable and powerful. Everyone becomes scared and concerned, and plan on destroying him/it. They are successful. So that is the very basic plot.

But like in any story the details matter. What I liked about this movie is that it revealed something very important, and that is Power doesn't corrupt people. People that are corrupt and have power, were already corrupt before they had power. I say this because the man/computer in the movie, kills no one, and develops his own power to make the world a better place. So really, the people were afraid of power. In a subconscious or unconscious part of ourselves we have been brainwashed to believe that any person with great power is a danger/threat, and we fear that person having that power.

For example, if I told you there was a dictator or a king, would you guess that he or she is evil? What is happening in a quantum moment is that the words dictator or king is accessing memories filled with emotional content which give value to these words. These just happen to be negative and fearful. But practically speaking, a man that has great power is not necessarily corrupt. Think about people in history that had great power and influence: Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother theresa, Nelson Mandela, Jesus Christ. What is funny about this movie is that the man actually dies, like dies on the cross, similar to Jesus.

There is also a reason why subconsiously and unconsciosly we believe power is something to fear having, and we shouldn't aspire to have power or hold power, or become powerful. This is a way to keep us controlled. Because every person who is corrupt already, wants to have power so they can influence and make the decisions about what happens in our reality. So they also want you to fear having power as well. This is how our lives have been designed, and how our language, stories, histories, and schools have designed to support. Fear of having/being power/powerful.

I notice this within me as well, which is why this is such a realization. Power DOESN"T corrupt. You were already corrupt. Power can't change you, you determine who you are. It just happens to be that power is what has an effect on reality, by definition. If you want to have an effect on reality, or change this world, you need power, and you need to become powerful.

The people who wrote this movie and Johnny Depp knew this, to some degree. The script reveals this clearly. The machine had created a way to create, and repair life, to repair the environment, Earth. It didn't create any weapons. The only weapons and the only people that killed throughout the whole movie was the people/humans, out of FEAR. So this is an important lesson:

DONT FEAR POWER. 

That is how you fuck yourself, because then you make yourself powerless. The more power you attain, the more influence you will have, and so you can actually create a world that is best for all. What we need is some powerful humans. Are you one of them? Are you ready to become the most powerful people on the planet? Are you ready and willing to walk the long, difficult, perilous journey to Perfection?
That's good that you are, we need you. The Earth needs you. Life needs you. We have been waiting....
Desteni.org

So I highly recommend this movie, only to observe the fear, and our beliefs/assumptions, and to start having an idea of Heaven on Earth, because such a reality, is worth living for. So let's create it, together!

Until next time!!!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being powerful, having so much power and influence that I can change so much in this reality all by myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe/assume/think that a person that has more power than everyone else, must have mal-intent or harmful intentions towards everyone else, and is a danger or threat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny myself from becoming powerful and taking positions or seeking positions of power because of the emotional reactions of resistance, fear and worry tied to these thoughts about people who have power are corrupted and evil, and must be destroyed themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view/judge power as evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view/judge myself as evil for  influencing or changing my world.

When and as I see myself feeling fearful or worried about using power to change or influence my world, I stop and I breathe- I realize that power is a birthright of every living thing, and that to use that power for what is best for everyone is the only thing that makes sense, because the alternative option of supporting Ego, or self-interest doesn't make sense since you would be cutting yourself away from everyone else, and isolating yourself from everyone, which would be a far lesser existence, than a world full of powerful people assisting and supporting everyone, including our environment/home the planet Earth. Thus I commit myself to become powerful by following my plan, and schedule for daily routines, and excelling and perfecting my performance in my daily tasks.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Breathing: Reassessment of Practical Application 211




So I will be assessing my practical application regarding the muscular constrictions that are linked to emotional reactions, as discussed in recent posts.

There were a few moments where I recall identifying a constriction of my diaphragm. In one moment, I was in the middle of a conversation, and at the start of the conversation, I notice my voice was rather high. This was a red flag that I identified for this physical reaction. I then had checked my diaphragm, and notice that I was in a physical reaction. Normally in such contexts I would be, what I used to call nervous. Having a conversation with another person and feeling this way was normal for me throughout my life. It was normal to feel nervous.

So in this moment of conversation I focused on breathing, and releasing this constriction of my diaphragm. I did notice immediate results. My voice changed and was deeper. When I spoke, the words I used were specific and I would say more honest, more to the point, more relaxed, and more effective in communicating myself to the other person. So this was a successful moment of practical application and change.

There is another context, that is different. It was not about conversation, but rather me being with myself. I would like to take the opportunity to explore this moment here, because I am unsure what had happened in this moment. This might be something new. So on the lower part of my stomach, where the lower intestines are, and where the bladder is. I felt a pressure or sensation. It also felt more difficult to breathe, like I had trouble breathing in. The emotional experience is feeling unsure. Like an anxiety or angst, because I don't know. In a way it feels like there is not enough space in my general chest, and center body, to breathe. Because I see that my space of my body isn't changing, I conclude that this experience is a result of expecting myself to need to breathe more than I really need to. So when this experience of angst or anxiety comes up, I feel like I need to breathe more than what I really need. It is like an experience of feeling trapped, very much like claustrophobia, where a person hyperventilates.  So I was hyperventilating, or breathing excessively hard and fast.  

After rereading what I wrote the phrase: "this experience is a result of expecting myself to need to breathe more than I really need to" is significant. Because my anxiety is really about my expecting myself to know more than what I actually know. So this hyperventilating is breathing more than what I actually need to breathe. So its also about me feeling trapped within not knowing, and so being trapped in this moment where I do not know something.

From this the solution is clear. To breathe regularly, in a way calm, clear, exactly what I need to support me in this moment. And I will live, learn, and grow as fast as I can, not faster or slower, because that is the best I can do. What I notice is that in this specific context that surrounded this particular moment, actually required of me to go slowly. So going faster than how I can move effectively, is detrimental.

Friday, December 19, 2014

A painful motivation (reminder) 210



So tonight I am writing, which is the end of the day. Early today, in the morning, I made a commitment to try out something painful, as a reminder. So I am assessing right now what I have found. However, because I am writing a public blog, I should explain what I mean.


So this morning, I was looking at something within me. I was firstly looking at how effective I have been in following my schedule. There was much improvement that can be done. I am also on the start making and executing a long plan, and in order for my plan to be effective I need to be consistent everyday. So I was looking into my past and seeing when I had been effective in living out a plan, or living consistently everyday. So I notice already in that moment as I looked back, that pain was something that motivated me. It was the pain of being where I was, that motivated me to seek out a better place to go, which was my college. I had to do much effort to make that happen, involving getting straight A's in high school. So the question is if this is an effective method, and are there any side effects.

To be honest with the reader, I have looked at this before, like years ago. Initially this was part of who I am, but it was painful, so I assumed it must be something harmful. Now I am reconsidering this point, because my first investigation was not very thorough. Now I will be thorough and really see and understand what is going on.

So currently, this motivation of pain I access, is accessed and reminding myself about the people, plants, and animals, and the earth as a whole, is in a point of suffering or pain. That gives me motivation. In the earlier parts of my life, I had motivation from my own pain, and that led to a empathy for other people's pain, where I would feel about the same way regarding another's persons pain, as if it were my own. What is interesting is that I am very specific in regards to this. So a person's ego, wouldn't count as a pain, but physical pain, would count.

So one question is whether this pain is energetic or emotional. From what I can tell, right now, no its not. But it could be. What I can say for sure is this. It is present as long as I am aware of it, and it is centered around my stomach. It is different from what I was describing in my recent blogs about the contraction of my solar plexus muscles. It is more like a general presence, and in a way physical. It is like a physical pain. It is not enjoyable. It is not distracting. It actually focuses my attention, and I feel stronger, more present and here, like I am ready to act, to end the real pain that is happening in the world, no matter how long or what it will take.

Right now, I don't have any expectations. Maybe for the moment it helps me be effective. Maybe later on it will be a limitation, or there will be a better way to do things. I can't say what the future will bring. But right now it works well, so my investigation will continue, and I will see how far I can push this and push myself with this.


Thursday, December 18, 2014

Breathing: muscular constriction linked to emotional reactions. 209



Breathing... So in continuation with yesterday's post, I investigated other physical reactions I had of late. And coincidentally, perhaps being specific, they each correspond to parts of my respiratory system. So breathing, in order words. They include my throat, my solar plexus or diaphragm, and my chest/lungs. Additionally my forehead had a sensitive reaction, which I identified as being a point of attraction or distraction, because my attention would go to my forehead, instead of my diaphragm, where this muscle was in a stuck position.

So I wrote about what was a trigger for each physical reaction, and described each physical reaction in detail.

For my throat I wrote about how it was constricting, and not allowing for the easy passage of air. The nature of the reaction was that of guilt, and the trigger was that of being exposed or shown to be lying, or not living up to a commitment.

For my forehead, I wrote about the sensitivity of the forehead area and how it reminded me of when I would anticipate something touching my forehead. There was a game I played where I would take a pen and pencil and point it towards my forehead and bring this object to touch my forehead. I would anticipate the touch and create this unusual experience, that was purely anticipation of the touch. So I flagged the word anticipation here, and I connected this to imagining the future circumstance. The nature of the trigger reflected this. It was imagining a horrible circumstance occurring where one person took and destroyed something specific of mine.

One other reaction I had is slightly more complex than the previous ones, since it involves several body part components. So it was an experience of increase blood pressure or blood flow, which connected to increase in my heart rate, but this also meant an increase in oxygen intake or breathing. In the real time moment what occurred was irregular breathing, whereby I would breath in sharply or quickly, and exhale slowly. This irregular breathing, marked by the difference in the amount time for the inhale and exhale, led to an increase in blood pressure. I also notice that my muscles, especially my diaphragm, where operating in such a way to cause this irregular breathing. This entire response was connected to the forehead sensation. The forehead sensation would distract my attention from this irregular breathing.

I found the solution to be breathing regularly, and bringing my attention to my breathing, especially when I experience a sensation of my forehead and get distracted from my breathing. I found it beneficial to breath with a diaphragm that opens readily and easily. Before the diaphragm would feel stuck, and created an experience of it being difficult to breath, and requiring great effort. I notice differences now in how I speak, sing, and breathe, and in general how I feel. I also notice that the constriction pattern is not gone yet, and I require to continue working at breathing in this open way.

I am investigating the emotional components, especially how I developed this physical reactions, and how that has to do with any emotional experiences. I have been forgiving and releasing this, because it has been a learned response or association with emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tighten my abdomen when I feel sad, nervous, scared, worried, fearful, in anticipating the future and what will occur, instead of allowing myself to breathe easily and openly because it is most beneficial, and physically supportive to provide a steady supply of oxygen to my body which is required by all the cells.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

A shortness of breath? Difficulty speaking? A quiet personality? A source point for all of that and more. 208



So this will be a slightly different, yet entertaining, or at least interesting, lol, post. So I have the following that I wrote a few days ago, and I wish to expand upon it because more has opened up today regarding this, so take a look:
 ---------
Being aware of the life existent everywhere.
How do you feel about that?
How do you feel or react, right now in the moment, when you are aware of, in this moment, of the life that existent everywhere, in each and every thing, person and being, including animals and plants, and that life is one and equal. How do you feel?

For me, I felt a contraction of my abdominal muscles. So yes, I was physically reacting in the moment I was becoming aware of that life that is existent everywhere, which is equal and one. The question is why do I physically react? The full answer would requires years of study. The simple answer is that we are mind-controlled, by what? Our own minds. And that we created that point of control and enslavement of ourselves. So that's the simple answer. There's still one question remaining that may come up within you. Why? I would say, why does asking why matter. We obviously have all the reasons to find out WHAT is going on, such as the destruction of our planet, the environment, the animal species, the natural resources, the water, the air, the food, our bodies, and in our personal lives with all of our addictions, habits, patterns, thoughts and imaginations, that contain harmful content and which will lead to an action which we will regret. So you have your reasons, pick and choose, but there are plenty reasons to take, and you only need one.

To change in a quantum moment means, physically moving and positioning yourself, when especially your body is reaction or in a reactive movement or behavior. This is the first step in actually changing, nullifying, and neutralizing the reaction, and reinserting yourself, reestablishing yourself, asserting yourself.

It is interesting that something so basic, having access to our words and being able to write or speak words, that are placed/created by you, yet there are reactions, physical reactions, regarding that. That is curious, isn't it? How free are we really when we can't even pick our own words to speak and write? Hmm?

For me personally, this abdominal reaction is probably just one layer of reaction. There are probably more underneath it, that I will find as I continue asserting this point of being aware of all life in every moment, as one and equal, as it exists.

---------

So I was looking at this abdominal point because I had originally perceived it and seen it as pure energy, just energy, so all emotions or feelings. But something that I considered and looked at, which I think it happened because I was directly looking at it, and being aware of how it feels, by really letting myself feel it, you know? I felt the muscles, that are inside my body in that area. So these are like muscles that are inside my stomach, perhaps around it, that I feel tense and tight. Its perhaps a bit hidden, because it is on the inside, not so much on the surface. This is kind of funny because it coincides with how unconscious parts of the mind are considered as more deeper layers. So anyway. So I played with it, and tried stopping it, so you know, stop tensing those muscles, which frankly does feel uncomfortable.

What I found was something interesting. I could remember all those times, at least those memories were connected to this experience of this tense muscle area. So all of these memories, well really they occurred throughout my life, and they occurred when I felt emotional. Something else that I discovered, is that this tension also affected the way I spoke, which in extreme cases my voice would seem shy reserved because it was so low, like a mouse. Because the contraction would be literally holding the lower parts of my lungs and diaphragm from working well. So air literally couldn't get out, while it is contracting. And this contracted occurred or coincided with emotions and feelings, and people were a large source of my reactions of emotions and feelings. So all/most with a few exceptions, of my conversations were affected in this way in how I spoke. What is funny is those moments where I was completely calm and relaxed, and when I spoke, I spoke with this deep voice, you know? Like a deep permeating, confident, comfortable voice of a man. Dare I say resonating, lol. So in such moments, which were fairly unique circumstances, that were strange or out of the ordinary, occurred like that where my abdominal muscles weren't contracting.

For much of my life I saw this experience, and I called it being nervous. So I mainly viewed it as an emotional problem, like a problem with my personality, and regarding specific fears. And while that is partly true, that isn't the whole picture. The whole picture would include what I have shown myself just recently. That it is a physical, behavioral reaction, on a physical level, where literally my physical muscles are changing/responding as part of the reaction to what is going on, which has energy yes, but that is not all. Why is this significant? Well it is something extreme, and it is something that the mind has had control over, where I can't snap my fingers and end it. But I can stop in every moment, and it does take my awareness, and movement to do so for each moment.

There a many consequences that I can link to this specific behavioral reaction. So it is very significant, and it is in a way how the mind has like a physical control over me, because it has a physical control over my body in this way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give domain of my physical body, this gift, to the mind, in letting the mind have its say and thus control over the body for its primary purpose of sourcing material for itself and staying alive, and the consequence for anyone else, which is my acceptance and allowance, meaning it might as well be me doing it because I have been accepting and allowing it.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing the body to be sourced by the mind, and be controlled through a physical reaction that occurs, which can be defined as the muscles of the body contracting, retracting, protracting as a reaction to some trigger, independent of my direction, which obviously has an emotional or mind investment due to its very nature as being irrelevant, unspecific, and unsupportive _ I stop and I breathe, and I realize that this really something unspecific, that I had developed either randomly associating that contraction of the muscles in a moment with emotions, or its preprogrammed, so its just irrelevant, an serves no beneficial or supportive purpose at all. Thus, I commit myself to stop this contraction, to relax/release those muscles, and thus support my body, in stopping a useless contraction of the muscles that inhibits free movement of speech and breathing, and actually makes speaking and breathing more difficult, as I would trying to push against that contraction in order to breath and talk.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Mechanistic Mind Part 2 : Why there is no escapes, excuses, from your fate or desteni 207



Mechanistic Mind Part 2
So imagine the city where you live. Now imagine on the other side of the world, a city that exists. Do those people exist? Then why do we act like they don't?

We waste our time when we are not aware of the life that is existent everywhere equal and one. Every moment that is not spent being aware of that life, is a moment where you could have been aware of that life. So it is wasted.

If you had only one life, would you not make it the best life on earth? Well you do have only one life. In case you forgot, when you were a child, you were aware of life. That was the best moment. So why not be aware of life, of all animals, plants, humans, beings, insects, snakes, lizard, bugs, bacteria, cells, organisms, the water, the air, etc... and so on to include everything? Everything is the most that exists, there is nothing more than everything!

How many times have you looked at a pet, a dog or cat, and envied them? How many times have you enjoyed their expression, or another animals expression? Why not be that joy? Simply regard all life, that is here, that is already one and equal.

Otherwise it is a waste of our time and life to do anything else. Do you want to communicate with a cell? or an atom? or your hand? your pets? Simply do it, communicate. Because communication is just a recognition and being here with what is already here.

Did you know that your thoughts distract you? Did you know you don't really have a free will? Because if your will is free, you would be able to try out what I am saying, and see for yourself. By the evidence of the fact you won't try this out, or believe that you can have an opinion or thought about what I am talking about without trying it, means that your will is enslaved = not free.

So what will come of Humanity? You decide. You are a human aren't you? So by definition what you do define, in part, what humanity is doing, since the word humanity refers to all humans, which includes you.

So what will you do, human?

Will you be aware of all life in every moment of breath? Or will you focus on your thoughts, thinking, and opinions about what life is, instead of recognizing the thing that it actually is, which is already here, and doesn't require an opinion or thought about it. What is interesting is that a thought or opinion can never define or alter, or manipulate life. It will only define, alter, or manipulate you.

Like a friend told me, ALL THOUGHTS ARE LIES. This is evidence by the fact about all the things the mind is saying or creating ideas about what life is.

What is life? Answer: Life is... So what are you thinking the answer is? Because anything other the the direct realization, or reference of life, simply recognize it in this moment, would be meaningless. Life is life. You just have to see it.

There is no greater love than life. There is actually nothing greater than life, because life includes everything, all expressions, and all actions. By the very fact your source is life, is what has even enabled you to create an entire system of deception to trap yourself in. In order for there to be inequality, there has to be the potential for equality. So within the oneness and equality principle, is what even allows for there to be separation. When you really look at it, this whole point is an act of love. You just have to live it!

Why should I become life, live life, or consider all life? I found every WHY is a deception. You cannot remember something you are deliberately trying to forget, and suppress. So just look already, directly, at life, what is life, what meaning living as life, becoming life would even mean. The only place to find the truth is at its source.

Here are some self-forgiveness statements to assist and support you. I recommend reading them aloud for maximum effectiveness and to, of course, mean what you say.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore, belittle, hide from, change, manipulate, define, think about, create opinions about, accept and allow limited definitions and memories to interfere seeing and recognizing: what life is, which is directly accessible here by me, in any moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from that life source as me, by thinking about all the reasons life cannot exist, or thinking of thoughts that say life is separate, and individualized and not one and equal, instead of really seeing what is here, by not allowing for a moment my thoughts and thinking to interfere with seeing directly in the moment on/to/with and as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my thoughts, and my mental world as more valuable than ALL of life! which can only be the thing of value, and most value because it includes everything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that I would be living and becoming the person of the most value by recognizing the value of life everywhere in everyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand the extent of this value that is life, and to even consider for a moment that my individualized personalized mental world of thinking, imaginations, and energy to be of greater value than Life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to back down and run away from me standing here in this moment, as life and with life, as and with myself.

The only way to become/live as life is by doing it, simply be life in every moment. Recognize what life is in every moment.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Hidden Insight: Admitting to Vicarious existence = permission to see emotions and feelings 206




My goal right now is to describe in as much detail as possible the process involved as it occurred in real time, behind a certain significant realization.

So my backstory. So I have had for a long time been semi-aware, well... fully aware there is a problem, and semi-aware of what was occurring in the background. So what I was aware of was that I had a certain problem in relation to how I played video games. What I wasn't aware of, is what I will be explaining in this blog, and how I came to that.

So today, I had pictures, imaginations of playing a certain game. I did ignore it a couple times, where by ignore I mean, simply breathe and continue on with my schedule. Later on in the day, I found some information about this game by accident, and I automatically went to check it out. I did feel excited and emotional, wanting to play it. I decided to write things out. So I wrote what I could about how I felt, which included feeling enthusiastic, excited and happy, and even how I felt angry and vengeful as another layer that activates if I don't play this game. So I wrote about it what I could, and I wrote the commonsense perspective about the situation, how the game isn't this whole world, yet I treat it as such value. So at that point I hadn't known yet what would open up later on.

So I was looking at it, and looking at what I wrote previously. I decided to play, to see. It was like a semi-aware decision, because I was aware that putting myself in the situation that would lead to emotions, would help me to write about them. So I just played. I played for about 2 hours. The time wasn't significant however, because the reason I stopped playing was because an event occurred where one of my characters had died. I felt emotional in that moment, and quit the game, letting my other characters to die as well. So I was emotional. And this is what I investigated next.

So I opened up a fresh document and I wrote about why I became emotional. I described everything I could, and as I was writing it out, there was like these semi-aware truths, where I knew something was true. When I wrote it out, it became obvious. I was living vicariously. This word is specific because I wrote about this pattern in one of my blogs over a year ago. So I had originally wrote how we live vicariously through our thoughts. But was I saw in relation to this moment was that I was living vicariously through my characters in the game through my emotions. This is what I exactly wrote: 


Im not sure what I am feeling. Is it sadness? Sadness when I lost one of my characters in the game, especially because I didn’t know what I was doing? I felt upset and I just wanted to give up, and I did. I wasn’t playing to win. What’s the solution here? The problem doesn’t seem to be that I wasn’t playing to win. The problem seems to be how I react when I lost the character in the game. I was emotionally invested in the character. So one reason why I play games is to have an emotional investment in a character, where in the game I will feel feelings and emotions regarding the character and the situation they are in.  I see this clearly, in memories where the character is simply living, surviving well, and that moment of peace and tranquility where you enjoy the simple things.  This isn’t something I do in my daily life, yet I try to live that through the games.
So I see one pattern of living vicariously, which means through someone or something else, where I have emotions and feelings through imagining and picture how someone else is feeling. This happens in books, tv shows, movies, games, and even in day to day living where we imagine other people and how they feel, their stories and life experiences. I notice in me that I seek those emotions and feelings, those experiences, which I do have when I participate in these activities. I notice this too in what appears to be the simplest of activities, having a conversation, something which I have highly valued and desired for my life, where I do experience emotions and feelings, and it is based on what another tells me about how they experience certain things. 
One more description of how I approached this, is that when I started out, I had no clue, so I just wrote what I did have, which you can see above. "I am not sure what I am feeling..." 
So this whole thing is actually a point that expands many medium, not just video games. When I watch movies or tv shows, or have conversations with people, the same occurs. Because its all the same point, me placing myself in someone else's perspective, which is my interpretation, and generating emotions and feelings based on that content. Nothing is happening to my physically, but mentally I am creating this whole alternate reality. This explains something that I wasn't fully aware of, which is why I am drawn to conversations, and tv shows, and movies. It does have to do with emotions and feelings, which I was aware of, but I wasn't aware of exactly why or how. I see with the movies, and books I have read, and with friendships and relationships I have had, that I do the same, which the words I would use to describe it is making it personal, and relating to them personally, which the content really is just emotions and feelings. Its strange because I have this resistance to calling my connection with friendships and relationships as based purely on emotions and feelings, because that would be an insult to them. When really this has been done forever, and its no secret this is what people glorify, their emotions and feelings. So within that framework such thinking wouldn't make sense. The only framework where such thinking does make sense is one where I know emotions and feelings are empty, which they are. So its true my relationships and friendships, not just to people but to everything (fictional characters in movies, tv shows, books, and games), that is based within emotions and feelings, are empty, because emotions and feelings are only about how I feel, which is a selfish limited perspective, one that I am not really in control of. I really can't conceive or really know what it would be like to relate to things without emotions and feelings. I am at a point where I simply don't know because it hasn't been explored/known yet by me. I had assumed that I did know or can know, simply through imagining it, but I can't because even the things, those moments that I referenced as moments without emotions and feelings, are actually moments of emotions and feelings. Those were vicarious moments, where I imagined how someone else felt. Imagining is not the same as living it. And imagining is something that is created, and it is not known by me the exact details and inner workings within imaginations. Yet I treated it as real, or like the same as experiencing the actual thing first hand.  

Its time to get real, meaning that when I watch a movie or read a book, what is real is what is physically happening, meaning there is a movement of light that is traveling from a machine or a paper book with printed ink, that enters my eye and I understand or interpret the image or words. And what I experience as emotions and feelings are emotions and feelings, which hold no truth or value, and are simply created within me, and in a way, die within me as well. I also am not aware of exactly how the emotions are created or even the process behind which they die or disappear. That is what is real and what is happening real time in the moment. I for the most part have had these emotions and feelings generated in relation to what I have seen, imagined, and thought. So its time for me to admit I am having emotions and feelings, and recognize them as such, in those moments of conversation, movie watching, tv watching, games, which all functions similarly, involving an access of thought about the characters, what the characters feel or are going through, which perhaps the biggest defense I had was this desire for conversation, and connection between and other people, which those words referenced emotions and feelings, and because those words I used were actually referencing emotions and feeling experiences, that is why it stood, because I didn't believe or see them as referencing emotions and feelings, but the actual thing. Here I have to be honest, that I don't know what an actual connection, or even an actual conversation, one that is not defined or referencing emotions or feelings. So I can't really speak or use these words, like conversation, and connection, to reference the real thing, because I don't know it yet. All I have known is emotions and feelings. And there are many, million moments, where I participated in the exact same wording, of creating a connection or building something, when it was still within emotions and feelings. But I didn't recognize it in the moment for what it was. I did however was semi-aware of the possibility that what I referred to as a connection was actually emotions and feelings. I was aware of the possibility. But I didn't explore it, and investigate it. I am guilty of that. Because I could have investigated and asked myself the question sincerely, is this emotions and feelings? And I recall some times where i did that, actually quite a few times, but I didn't go through with it all the way, to really find out and really be sure. I was defending it, because I wanted to believe that it was a connection, that it was real. So that I would have something, and I would have value. It's time to admit that words like value, the only reference I have to them really, is emotions and feelings. Behind this words and perhaps many more, I reference a memory of a moment of emotions and feelings. So within such words, I literally access emotions and feelings in the moment I use that word, and recall/reference the referent. I know emotions and feelings are without value, so there is a trap or contradiction, where I have had such words whose real meaning are not emotions and feelings, but they reference emotions and feelings, because that is how it has always been throughout my life. I have a vocabulary of words that reference memories and moments of emotions and feelings which define those very words, which I didn't recognize until I fully considered the possibility and LOOKED, and once I looked I saw it, and there was a real time moment where I had the choice of not writing it down in my document. So it was like a split second decision of whether I could write down what I saw, or not. So I obviously did, and the reason could be because of what I have walked thus far, in pushing, moving acting in the moment, and listening and following the advice from the eqafe interviews. So I wrote it out, and once I wrote it out exactly how I saw it, it became obvious. So that was a difference compared to all of the other moments before in my past (I wrote parents by mistake, but this might be a significant misspelling because perhaps yes my parents never went as far as I did today) where I did look and see, but I didn't write it out, and looked deeper and fully.  This is like an admittance. I admit to what I experience to be an emotion and feelings, so I am giving myself admittance to see, which is similar to permission, where I give myself permission to see, and it per my mission to really see things, because seeing and other words and phrases only referenced emotions and feelings, something I wasn't admitting and giving myself permission to see. So I admit, which means also to allow in, so I am seeing these emotions and feelings for how they exist. So in essence I am giving myself permission to see emotions and feelings. Instead of deciding what an emotion or feeling is. Emotions and feelings already exist, I just have to admit it and see.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

BYE! 205


Goodbye
So there was a moment that revealed to me that I am not saying goodbye effectively. For most of my life, whenever I could, I would leave a social situation without saying goodbye. I notice that people notice this and, as in the case of last night, there is a weird or awkward appearance.

So I had a guilty and sad experience within this. In the case of last night, I had left the place, with the decision to leave. I changed my shoes, I got my stuff, and I got up and left. As I was walking out, I had this experience of thinking or awareness, (im not sure which), of other people expecting me say goodbye. This probably is me accessing all of my memories where my parents told me to say goodbye to their friends. So last night I just walked out. But when I got to the car, I forgot my jacket, so I went back. I felt nervous and embarrassed because now I will face people again, when I hadn't said goodbye to any of them. So I decided to just go in, get my jacket and go. So I felt nervous, as I went in and picked up my jacket. I saw one of the dance instructors and I told him that maybe I would see him at the next dance. I notice my voice was a bit low, and sounded confident. In his eyes, he seemed maybe hurt or insulted, I wasn't sure. So I just left, still thinking and perceiving I was rude, or I should have said goodbye.

So I have many questions. The first I ask is, well why do I prefer to not say goodbye? So I felt nervous and weird telling someone goodbye. So by not saying goodbye I avoid that experience. Partly, I feel guilty in leaving, and I secretly assess how much the person likes me or values me based on how they say goodbye to me. I also think to myself that its better to not say goodbye, like that would be a perfect world.

So I have had moments where I assessed myself as low value because of the way someone said goodbye to me. So I avoided saying goodbye to avoid that possibility. I also remind myself of how much better it is to not say goodbye, as a criticism of people's expectations and how they feel, so as to cover up this possibility of feeling inferior through my interpretations of someone's goodbye..  I also dominantly feel guilty because of experiences with my parents scolding me for not saying goodbye, and also how I imagine and believe that other people will feel emotionally hurt, as if I hurt them for not saying goodbye to them. I see that my projection of what others must feel if I don't say goodbye to them, is the same as what I feel as inferior if I receive a poor goodbye, because they both are about what I believe someone believes about me. So its finding value in what someone else says about you.

So from these realizations I see that the future potential creation is to say goodbye as an expression of simply saying goodbye to another person as you two part ways, or leave the immediate environment from one another, instead it being a statement of what value one person has or the other.


Monday, December 8, 2014

Lifeship 204

Lifeship.

So this is a word that is similar to what is represented by the words: Friendship, apprenticeship, and Relationship. Like a ship, each must be built and constructed so as to float on water, and to sail effectively. So Lifeship, is you building a ship for your life. And what is everyone's ship? Their body. Your ship is your body or vessel, which is what you use to navigate the waters of life. But this ship hasn't been efficiently and effectively built to ensure that you will reach your desired destination. Would you say you have the tools, and the schematic, to build the self, the ship, which is required for you to go exactly where it is that you have always wanted to go and be in this life? If you do that's great! And if you don't... well you would like that, right? So yes it does take time, building anything, including ships take time. And not only time, but also planning, as well as a schematic of what you will be building. Is there a school or place on this earth where you can go to learn how to build your lifeship, as yourself?

....

Because that is the question right? Because if you had the answer, what would that mean? That would mean that the only thing that you have to do is to apply to that school, go to that place, put the time and effort, and voila, it is guaranteed. You KNOW what the result will be. The first question is where, or what? Luckily for me, I have those answers. I won't bother explaining them here, but anyone who doesn't know me will easily find those answers because those places or people, is all I am involved with. So I build ships, lifeships. That is what I do. I am building my own lifeship, and I help others build theirs. Safe journeys.



Sunday, December 7, 2014

Preprogrammed Relationships 203




So you may recall some of my blogs from October or November were on creating relationships. So I'm continuing on that point. So today, I will be looking at free choice, and how there really isn't any.

So, if creating relationships were a game, then there really is one set of actions that will produce the exact result you're after. There might be several actions, but they are certainly limited, and they are in a way fixed and predetermined. So all I have to do is find out what these actions are. So that's the essence of what I understand, having no choice within this, means.

So this process of creating relationships is more a process of discovery than anything else. I will be discovering what it is exactly that I need to do, which can come from many sources, such as research, making mistakes in real time, and reflecting on past interactions/memories.  This is something completely new. I can't recall anywhere in my life where I have approached something like this. I have had desires to change myself even for creating a relationship, but I never really did. So this really is the first time.

This has a lot to do with preprogramming. I only recently realize something about preprogramming that is significant. Preprogramming is when another person and yourself, are programmed to react, respond, think and feel a certain way about each other and a moment to make certain a certain outcome, such as sex even, or a romantic relationship. That is why in the past relationships were preprogrammed and so it was like perfect and easy to create relationships, because the certain people you were with were programmed to be with you, as you were programmed to be with him/her. Outside of preprogramming, its not easy, because people are not programmed to respond to your programming.

So what I can see is a process of learning and understanding the programming within others and with that, take the appropriate steps. This also will obviously involve not accepting and allowing your own programming to determine what you do, think or feel, about another person. And instead focus on creating the actual relationship.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Art as what is best for all 202




I went to Art Basel today in Miami, Florida. I was asked what interested me, or what art drew my attention. I didn't really have an answer to that question at first. But later after I saw a picture that had a message of equality, I had an answer. Art that interest me is the content of the art, the message, the why. Because art otherwise, without that content, core and message, is meaningless. Its just entertaining, emotional, or, frankly, superficial. Art to have meaning requires depth, and to have that depth requires a message or principle, essentially the depth of your real being, which is your oneness and equality point, your connection to Life itself, to everyone. If you lack that point, what you do will be empty and superficial, not just art, but everything.

So its important to see that yes, art CAN have that depth, through standing for a principle, the integrity of you, standing with and as everyone. Because what is art, but just a medium of communication. Writing is also considered an art. Music is an art. These are all just ways to communicate or express yourself. And one has to develop a skill of becoming an effective communicator of yourself. Art (heart) is a movement of yourself, and who you are determines, what you will do and how you will do it. So the outcome of a process can be known by the start of the process.

Art, like music and writing, are just acts of creation. Taking the physical tools and substances that are here, placing them together to create a specific outcome. Each time you speak, or move its the same process. You create words and speech. So its important to make every act of creation, every movement, to represent and embody the best, that being what is best for all. IS there anything better than that? If so, then do that.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Connotations: A secret we should all know 201



What are connotations? So it turns out we have divided our languages into the positive and negative.

Relax-lazy
confident-arrogant
brave-foolhardy (brash)
determined-hard headed (stubborn)

So you will notice above that all the words on the left have  positive connotations and the words on the right have negative. Both words however mean the same thing, the only difference being that the person views the act as either positive or negative. So this is what is meant by connotation. It is useful to also know the word denotation, which means what a words actually means its: definition.

So what does the fact that we have created and use words that have built in their definition a meaning of positivity or negativity? Personally, I see this as a form of a secret underhanded enslavement, where we in a moment react. Because if we were to separate out the positive and negative meaning and express explicitly that we view something as positive or negative we would speak like this:

You are very relax, but in a negative way.
You are very arrogant, but in a positive way.
You are very brave, but in a negative sense.
You are very foolhardy, and I think that is good.
You are very determined, and I think that is bad.
You are very hard headed and I think that is good.

So you see? What people are actually expressing within their word is an opinion of positivity or negativity, essentially: what they think or believe. The thing is that no one is really aware of this. People speak and react automatically to circumstances and situations without awareness that that they are merely expressing a personal preference or opinion or point of view, and not actually a fact. Positive and negative emotions, feelings, judgements or opinions can never be a factual content. There is no fact when it comes to this. It is always a relative view point depending on who is viewing the situation, and not dependent on the situation itself, but more so on the person viewing it.

One example is the word DIRTY. When you look at the word dirty what do you feel? What do you think about or imagine? Look again at the word: dirty. What happens when you remove the Y. You get Dirt. So let me ask you this, is dirt negative? Dirt is soil, and literally earth. Is the Earth negative? Is soil negative? Everything you eat comes from the earth and soil and dirt. So we have made an extreme of words. When we bring dirt into the house this is called dirty, and we feel negative or emotional. What is the root cause of this? Well we have allowed our emotions, and feelings, our thoughts and opinions to distort our perception of reality. We in essence have created our own personal prison, whose foundation are the very words we speak and communicate with. Words are the bricks in that make up our prison cells, instead of being a house we can live in.

Its important to walk a process to clean, purify, rectify, and put into place, our words and our emotions, feelings, thoughts and opinions. If you are ready, all the support is here, visit lite.desteniiprocess.com to sign up. The journey is long, hard, and worth it.


Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Survival of the fittest

So similar to my last blog on Descarte and his famous and widely used phrase: "I think therefore I am," I will be looking at another famous phrase and person. Today I will look at Charles Darwin and the phrases associated with him. So what comes to mind when you read "survival of the fittest?" Do you think about competition, or the brutality of winning, or survival, or a Dog eat Dog world, the strongest survive or win. So these themes are relevant, but there is something else people think about. Did you think about a group of people killing others, or gaining some benefit at the expense of others? Did you think of selfish acts, or hurting others to get what you want? So these are all points existent within us. It turns out, Darwin wasn't one of them.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Darwin#Evolutionary_social_movements
Darwin's fame and popularity led to his name being associated with ideas and movements which at times had only an indirect relation to his writings, and sometimes went directly against his express comments.
Thomas Malthus had argued that population growth beyond resources was ordained by God to get humans to work productively and show restraint in getting families, this was used in the 1830s to justify workhouses and laissez-faire economics.[178] Evolution was by then seen as having social implications, and Herbert Spencer's 1851 book Social Statics based ideas of human freedom and individual liberties on his Lamarckian evolutionary theory.[179]
Soon after the Origin was published in 1859, critics derided his description of a struggle for existence as a Malthusian justification for the English industrial capitalism of the time. The term Darwinism was used for the evolutionary ideas of others, including Spencer's "survival of the fittest" as free-market progress, and Ernst Haeckel's racist ideas of human development. Writers used natural selection to argue for various, often contradictory, ideologies such as laissez-faire dog-eat dog capitalism, racism, warfare, colonialism and imperialism. However, Darwin's holistic view of nature included "dependence of one being on another"; thus pacifists, socialists, liberal social reformers and anarchists such as Peter Kropotkin stressed the value of co-operation over struggle within a species.[180] Darwin himself insisted that social policy should not simply be guided by concepts of struggle and selection in nature.[181]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Darwin#Evolutionary_social_movements


 So I would first like to repeat a phrase from above : "Darwin's holistic view of nature included "dependence of one being on another"" So it turns out, Darwin never wrote or stood by the phrases: "survival of the fittest" or "Dog eat Dog." And it turns out that Darwin saw an interdependence among all aspects of nature. Darwin observations in his paper the Origin of the Species, only spoke of natural selection. Natural selection was simply a description of how strategies that worked well, continued. It didn't say competition or cooperation would always be best. But depending on the environment one of them is better. The evidence is found only once the strategy has been tried and whether it had succeeded.

So many people abused his name and his words.

So I have observed over the years, that in a absolute sense, if we all on the planet worked together and cooperated that would be best. So instead of having many groups competing, that everyone is together creating the best outcomes. Looking from where we are right now, competition does exist and it is a form of motivation for many people. So there is a practicality of competition in where we are right now. However, this planet won't continue to exist if we are in domination of the planet, and so destroying our home. Charles Darwin, and anyone willing to see can see that. We are all interconnected and dependent on one another. When some of us die, we all die. To live, we must live together. That's the best strategy and that would be fittest.