“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Monday, January 27, 2014

How I stop my Violent thoughts Day 134


Sorry for taking so long to post guys. Something from TODAY, what? Yes. 
Reacting Violently.
Sometimes have I have violent reaction within my mind. I imagine/picture me throwing something. Sometimes its my computer. Just now it was the tv remote.
In my mind I see the object break apart as it lands on the surface. And I move in one complete movement to throw the object. And I sort of become aware of my body points as if I would be prepared to do this physically/actually.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react violently within my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine and picture me throwing something, like the tv remote or my computer laptop.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to picture and imagine the object crashing on the floor/wall and breaking into pieces.
I  feel angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in my anger imagine throwing an object such as my computer or tv remote, so that it breaks.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good within breaking things. 

I commit myself to continue my application of breathing and writing out my thoughts on paper or on the computer. 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Day 133 - Don't take your thoughts personally



Don't take your thoughts personally

i have been taking my thinking personally.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take my thoughts to mean "who I am" as who I am cannot change.

Within the principle of what is best for me, I write. I commit myself to write within this principle of what is best for me in this blog. What is best for me, includes establishing a world that is best for all. It includes forgiving myself for accepting and allowing what is less than what is best for me. It includes becoming what is best for me. And what is best for me is to live in a way that is best for everyone including me by practically considering every part, including me, without compromising any part, including me. How I treat myself is how I would treat existence. So by taking care of me and supporting me, I am stating that how I would treat existence would be with the same care and support. So who I am here is a gift, an opportunity to take care of something that I could potentially walk with absolutely. And through walking with me, I prove who I am to myself through time and experience whether I can be trusted with the existence absolutely. If I can walk the principle of what is best for me, I can walk the principle of what is best for all, by walking this existence (all) equally and as one as myself.

Something that is not best for me is feeling excited. When I feel excited, I rush and I make mistakes. So when I rush and I make mistakes, I harm and create unwanted consequences. Thus excitement is unacceptable as a possessed state of who I am, moving in unawareness of the reality surrounding me, and inside of me. I note that the same unaware state occurs with other positive experiences that I remember experiencing, including joy, happiness, thrill, etc... So again, allowing myself to enter these positive experience, is really becoming unaware of my surroundings, and will have consequences. I prefer not creating harm to myself and others, at the expense of having the right to enter these positive experiences. So I commit myself to stop participating in positive experiences, and rather be here, in awareness of my surrounding and myself, directing and moving (or not moving) within my obligations and responsibilities that I have given myself or interacting with this reality, within the starting point of equality and oneness as self, as this existence, wherein no specialness exists, nor highs, or lows exist; where only self exists as all as one and equal, leading to no friction, no resistance, as all is you, thus you nor any thing else is special, inferior or superior.

With that starting point of oneness and equality, I must be prepared to move and do things that before I considered impossible or difficult for me to do. Because oneness and equality is the principle, and thus by aligning to the principle, I am aligning myself on an absolute level "who I am." And thus, oneness and equality as the principle is my starting point, and my starting point has to always be SELF. So from who I am, self, I calculate, I see, I determine, I figure, I create, I measure, I move etc... and what I use within that movement is physical reality. So from this I use context, I use the reality facts/information/knowledge, and so I make a decision based on what is available to me. So I must become the best I can be at moving, deciding, figuring, measuring, predicting etc... Because I must be prepared to do anything. When I have a niche, I can specialize in that of course. And that is how working in a group is necessary, as groups make changes in reality. By participating within a group I have a greater impact on reality.

On an individual, I am fairly prepared as a student, especially memorizing. My reading speed is slow. My writing is ok. My math is good. I can follow orders if it is worth it in the end. My social skills are mostly undeveloped. I learn fairly quickly. I enjoy educating others and working on a team. I have the capability to walk through my mind.


1.Breathe
2.Stop
3.Self-forgiveness, Aloud and in writing
4. Question and Interrogation or Investigation
5. Uncover Dimensions/layers of Mind.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Day 132- Attachments to People


         I was holding onto the validation from certain people in my life. I was restricting and limiting myself based on what I perceived would be validated by these people. In my mind, I was playing out scenarios, and conversations where what they would say to me would be positive or negative (They were mostly negative). Because I wouldn’t let these people go as attachments, I could not stop this negative thinking. I kept thinking how I didn’t know anything as I did something which I haven’t spoken about with someone else. I couldn’t move me (this is a belief), I didn’t know what to do (this is a belief). And because I wouldn’t let go of my perceptions and beliefs about who they are, and what they think of me, I really couldn’t do anything. So the solution was to let them go within myself. So within that if they were removed from the face of the planet, I would have a reaction. So I stopped that reaction through breathing and being here with myself in the physical, within equality and oneness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire, wish and want certain people in my life to always stay with me, that they will never go or be gone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when someone in my life leaves me, to feel sad, lonely, depressed, within stating the words “I miss them.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect “missing you/them” to emotional reactions of sadness, loneliness, depression, regret, despair, and hopelessness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create attachments to people within me, which create a personification of the person as words/backchat/thoughts within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not free the person within me as this personification as this living memory as words/backchat/thoughts, and so stand as myself as One Individual within me, instead of being split into multiple pieces and layers of mind as memories and thoughts.
When and as I see myself creating an attachment to someone in my life,  I stop and I breathe, and I realize that I have created an attachment to someone before and this leads to personified negative thinking because the starting point of this attachment is separation, since it is like keeping a memory of a person within you and treating that memory as just as real as this person, that this memory is this person, which is a lie. So within that separation for having kept a living memory of a person and treating it as this person, it creates friction, and I feel like I am in struggle with myself, and it builds and builds until it seems like it overwhelms me.
I commit myself to change all attachments into simply memories without emotional charge.
When and as I see myself feeling depressed when someone I have created an attachment to is gone, I stop and I breathe, and I realize that who this person is is not my attachment and it is because of my attachment to this person as keeping a living memory of that person and treating the memory as the same as this person, that I feel sad, depressed, and lonely, because the energy that is used for feeling sad, depressed, and lonely is coming from the inner struggle and friction derived from my starting point of separation from this memory of this person as thoughts/backchats and personifying it as if it were this person.  By stopping the attachment I open the door to stopping the depression. I must still walk through the door to stop the depression.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop my depression by interacting with people while not reacting.
When and as I see myself thinking a negative thought that is personified as a person that I have created an attachment to, I stop and I breathe, and I realize that who this person is is not my negative thought- I realist that my negative thought is a reflection of me, who I really am- I realize I do not have to define myself by any negative thoughts, ever – I realize that through stopping my negative thoughts, I benefit me, and through benefiting me I also open the door to benefiting others- I must still walk through the door to benefit others.
I commit myself to when I am interacting with someone, to not be thinking about them, but focusing on myself here, on the conversation.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Day131 - Self-forgiveness on Fears I have been having.


 I fear someone coming up to me and tell me I am evil. I fear losing the people in my life. I fear losing friends. I fear being alone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the people in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that through fearing I could hold onto the people in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to through this to justify fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that by fearing it means I care.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that its ok to act on fear if it means that you can keep certain people in your life.
Fear harms me. It is unacceptable because of this. For me, I stop fear.