“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Beautiful Women, Beautiful Self 215




Image: Beauty, women,
I had trouble looking at the woman that lived in the apartment. She was young. And I found her attractive, and by that I mean that I reacted to her. I felt nervous, shy, scared but in a desirable way. I wanted to look at her, but I felt these emotions. I don’t even know her. I felt intimidated by her appearance. I felt valued/judged by how she would have responded to me. I feel like she would have placed value in how I valued/judged her appearance. I didn’t speak to her, and I looked away, avoiding eye contact.
So what I am seeing is that I am having a large value placed in how she looked, and with that I would place value on myself based on how she looked at me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value in how a woman looks, and to place value on how she looked at me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel nervous, shy and scared when there is a woman that I am valuing highly, like with beauty, regarding her appearance, which is created in relation to the fear of being valued lowly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value and self-worth in beauty and how a person responds or looks at me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value and self-worth into looks/appearance.
When and as I see myself feeling shy, scared, fearful or worried regarding how another person looks at me, I stop and I breathe- I realize that my appearance and look does not define me, and so equally and as one, another person’s appearance and looks does not define them. I realize that what defines us is our words.
Thus, I commit myself to refine my words so that my words are effective and best communicate, me, who I am, and I commit myself to look women in the eye, and simply be here with other people that are within my environment.  

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