“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

A shortness of breath? Difficulty speaking? A quiet personality? A source point for all of that and more. 208



So this will be a slightly different, yet entertaining, or at least interesting, lol, post. So I have the following that I wrote a few days ago, and I wish to expand upon it because more has opened up today regarding this, so take a look:
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Being aware of the life existent everywhere.
How do you feel about that?
How do you feel or react, right now in the moment, when you are aware of, in this moment, of the life that existent everywhere, in each and every thing, person and being, including animals and plants, and that life is one and equal. How do you feel?

For me, I felt a contraction of my abdominal muscles. So yes, I was physically reacting in the moment I was becoming aware of that life that is existent everywhere, which is equal and one. The question is why do I physically react? The full answer would requires years of study. The simple answer is that we are mind-controlled, by what? Our own minds. And that we created that point of control and enslavement of ourselves. So that's the simple answer. There's still one question remaining that may come up within you. Why? I would say, why does asking why matter. We obviously have all the reasons to find out WHAT is going on, such as the destruction of our planet, the environment, the animal species, the natural resources, the water, the air, the food, our bodies, and in our personal lives with all of our addictions, habits, patterns, thoughts and imaginations, that contain harmful content and which will lead to an action which we will regret. So you have your reasons, pick and choose, but there are plenty reasons to take, and you only need one.

To change in a quantum moment means, physically moving and positioning yourself, when especially your body is reaction or in a reactive movement or behavior. This is the first step in actually changing, nullifying, and neutralizing the reaction, and reinserting yourself, reestablishing yourself, asserting yourself.

It is interesting that something so basic, having access to our words and being able to write or speak words, that are placed/created by you, yet there are reactions, physical reactions, regarding that. That is curious, isn't it? How free are we really when we can't even pick our own words to speak and write? Hmm?

For me personally, this abdominal reaction is probably just one layer of reaction. There are probably more underneath it, that I will find as I continue asserting this point of being aware of all life in every moment, as one and equal, as it exists.

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So I was looking at this abdominal point because I had originally perceived it and seen it as pure energy, just energy, so all emotions or feelings. But something that I considered and looked at, which I think it happened because I was directly looking at it, and being aware of how it feels, by really letting myself feel it, you know? I felt the muscles, that are inside my body in that area. So these are like muscles that are inside my stomach, perhaps around it, that I feel tense and tight. Its perhaps a bit hidden, because it is on the inside, not so much on the surface. This is kind of funny because it coincides with how unconscious parts of the mind are considered as more deeper layers. So anyway. So I played with it, and tried stopping it, so you know, stop tensing those muscles, which frankly does feel uncomfortable.

What I found was something interesting. I could remember all those times, at least those memories were connected to this experience of this tense muscle area. So all of these memories, well really they occurred throughout my life, and they occurred when I felt emotional. Something else that I discovered, is that this tension also affected the way I spoke, which in extreme cases my voice would seem shy reserved because it was so low, like a mouse. Because the contraction would be literally holding the lower parts of my lungs and diaphragm from working well. So air literally couldn't get out, while it is contracting. And this contracted occurred or coincided with emotions and feelings, and people were a large source of my reactions of emotions and feelings. So all/most with a few exceptions, of my conversations were affected in this way in how I spoke. What is funny is those moments where I was completely calm and relaxed, and when I spoke, I spoke with this deep voice, you know? Like a deep permeating, confident, comfortable voice of a man. Dare I say resonating, lol. So in such moments, which were fairly unique circumstances, that were strange or out of the ordinary, occurred like that where my abdominal muscles weren't contracting.

For much of my life I saw this experience, and I called it being nervous. So I mainly viewed it as an emotional problem, like a problem with my personality, and regarding specific fears. And while that is partly true, that isn't the whole picture. The whole picture would include what I have shown myself just recently. That it is a physical, behavioral reaction, on a physical level, where literally my physical muscles are changing/responding as part of the reaction to what is going on, which has energy yes, but that is not all. Why is this significant? Well it is something extreme, and it is something that the mind has had control over, where I can't snap my fingers and end it. But I can stop in every moment, and it does take my awareness, and movement to do so for each moment.

There a many consequences that I can link to this specific behavioral reaction. So it is very significant, and it is in a way how the mind has like a physical control over me, because it has a physical control over my body in this way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give domain of my physical body, this gift, to the mind, in letting the mind have its say and thus control over the body for its primary purpose of sourcing material for itself and staying alive, and the consequence for anyone else, which is my acceptance and allowance, meaning it might as well be me doing it because I have been accepting and allowing it.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing the body to be sourced by the mind, and be controlled through a physical reaction that occurs, which can be defined as the muscles of the body contracting, retracting, protracting as a reaction to some trigger, independent of my direction, which obviously has an emotional or mind investment due to its very nature as being irrelevant, unspecific, and unsupportive _ I stop and I breathe, and I realize that this really something unspecific, that I had developed either randomly associating that contraction of the muscles in a moment with emotions, or its preprogrammed, so its just irrelevant, an serves no beneficial or supportive purpose at all. Thus, I commit myself to stop this contraction, to relax/release those muscles, and thus support my body, in stopping a useless contraction of the muscles that inhibits free movement of speech and breathing, and actually makes speaking and breathing more difficult, as I would trying to push against that contraction in order to breath and talk.

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