“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Sex Sex Sex Day 175

Since I am now speaking from the starting point of what the moment requires, and since I am not really talking to any person, I am in essence just talking to myself... I figure that I could just speak as myself, which I already see as not easy, as I have this defense coming up, of fearing what I could say and the consequences of that. I can start with one point, one thread.

Sex. No not the intercourse, definition, but the Male/Female distinction. I see very little real distinction between Male and Female. I recall a time when I was a child where that difference didn't mean anything more than, what color shirt you were wearing, or how long your hair was, or your eye color, or skin color. It was just an arbitrary thing, one of those unique features that distinguish us. A little difference in height, your favorite food, etc... It didn't matter, it wasn't important. I still feel that way, and I prefer to feel that way. I am not ignorant to the fact that there are some noticeable consequences that are inherently biological, since Male/Female is a biological or physical difference. Women have slightly larger hips, and can give birth, as one distinction. But the rest is the same, for the most part. I have observed how we have created a way of life for one type of sex, and another way of life for the other type of sex, which we have learned to accept and actually live as who we are, and define us according to that which was given, and not in fact, created by us, as something original. We are copies or clones in this respect.

Having read what I wrote, I recall a rather special day, where I was fortunate to find out a girl that I was already acquainted with and had a chance to speak with on several occasions, had a partner who was female. Having heard this there was like this weight lifted off of me, and I started being myself. I spoke freely, I shared my observations freely, I smiled and laughed freely, I shared freely, everything was light, with no stress or second thought. It was because of this whole system within me to worry and fear, because of this complication in the mind of behaving a certain way to not offend someone or give the wrong signal, or romantic feelings, or sexual attractions. It was just two beings being here, and that's it, and it was wonderful. Its better than sex.

I would wish to live this way everyday for as long as I am aware. And it all starts with me. By removing sexual attraction, romantic feelings, by removing this system, I can be free to talk to both sexes, as myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sexually attracted to, feel romantic feelings, towards any one, man, woman, child, shape or form of any sort in existence, whether it be virtual, physical, a memory, or something in my immediate environment.


When and as I see myself feeling attracted or romantic feelings towards something- I stop and I breathe- I realize that I'm done with feeling this way, as its just a prison, and is a suppression of who I really am.

I commit myself to express me, who I really am, and what I see, observe, perceive, realize, and understand.

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