“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Sunday, September 7, 2014

How I will from now on live this word, S-T-A-N-D. Day 165

 Hi, I am writing another blog for the purpose of solidifying a point within me, similar to this blog
http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/are-you-walking-process-to-make-friends.html

So the word is stand.


STAND

S-T-A-N-D


I stand in the position of myself, body, the physical position and location that I occupy in space and time. No one can occupy the space that I occupy in this moment. That is the true meaning of being unique or an individual. Someone can take an exact copy of me, even of my awareness, but only one of us can occupy one space at one time. To visualize this for yourselves you can look at an oxygen atom. It is identical to all other oxygen atoms in property, size, shape, however it is unique because only it can occupy where it exists in any moment.

In relation to the word stand, I of course stand within physical space, however I also require to stand within myself, as my mind, you can say regarding where I stand on certain, issues, decisions and/or circumstances.

For example, I need to be able to stand when someone tells me something, or anything. Whether it is FUCK YOU!!!!! or NO, or YES, or TAKE THIS, or DO THIS. I need to be able to stand. I need to stand in a space or position within myself regarding everything. It needs to be me in awareness of where I stand. Wherever that is, I need to be aware of that. This isn't about one thing in my life, but how I live and relate to EVERYTHING.

When I live like this, standing in a position, its like things are clear because things have been decided. So no one can really question my decision, because it is my decision to make. People may say things to me, but that can't occupy the space I exist within. AND this stand or decision is something that can't be destroyed upon, influenced or forced, by the physical hand or a person's word. I am like the atom that occupies its space. And what is interesting is this, that my decision goes where I am. It is part of me and can't be separated. I may lose limbs, but who I am remains, and this decision remains. I may move across the world, but it still exists where I exist. The decision then has literally become who I am. This is perhaps how we create ourselves in every moment that we have lived on this earth, every decision that we have made since we were a baby.   

What is interesting is that I am writing this because I can not stand within a decision with/as myself. In other words, I am capable of being existing within indecision and so being "open" to manipulation, force, and influence, which I notice occurs while simultaneously I feel afraid or fearful. I notice too how I am capable of standing within the decision that I will make my decision but I have not made a decision yet because I have made the decision to assess the moment first before deciding in regards to this event, circumstance or situation.

So I can always choose to stand somewhere with/as myself in the moment.

What I notice on a deeper layer of myself, the guilt of not allowing myself to be open to what other people say, which is something people have said to me, within, I observe, I have made a decision verbally within having explained my reasons why. Self-honestly I observe I cannot trust people that leave themselves open to manipulation and influence. Because then they never make their own observations or decisions as they are constantly searching for influence or information that someone else has to give them, which I self-honestly seen that I have done with a hidden intent of trying to be "not responsible" as someone "else" gave me the information and "influenced me," which is never really true. The truth is this, we always, and will always, and have always been the one that has directly been deciding who we are, even when making the decision to not make decision in an attempt to "not take responsibility." But here's the thing, we are already responsible! We are responsible for when we decide to not take responsibility! So in essence, what we do is futile as well as being a LIE. Because we tell ourselves I am NOT responsible, which like I have already shown is not true, and therefore is a LIE. We are completely responsible for who we are, and who we are is and has always been directly influencing and CREATING the world as it is, and what it will be.

As I reflect on the aforementioned pattern, I see how within guilt there was really an attempt to keep the lie going that I am not responsible for me. So that indicates to me that all GUILT is suspect to DECEPTION. Guilt is NEVER trustworthy. Because guilt has been used for this abusive purpose, it can be used for other abusive purposes, so i can NEVER trust guilt. The closest thing I have to trust is the truth, I am always the one that is responsible for who I am, and thus this world because I am creating it. The truth is I am capable of standing in each moment within a decision that I create, choose or make. The truth is, that anything other than the truth is a lie, literally words spoken or said to myself, usually in my head and sometimes to other people, which don't reflect REALITY. Truth is undeniable. Truth is that trying to hide the truth doesn't change the truth, it just a decision you/I make to not stand within and as the Truth and Reality, or what is already here. Standing within the lie is like not existing, except that's the lie.

So I commit myself to stand within the truth, within myself, in every moment, and thus automatically includes that I am capable of standing in a decision in each moment, and thus must do so, because of the consequence of allowing other people, or the situation dictate and determine who I am, where I stand, and what the outcome will be, which in essence determines and creates the world as it exists today and will exist, which I couldn't allow the same abusive patterns to repeat itself of not taking responsibilities and existing within a suppressed state of oneself, and influencing and telling others to do the same, so that no one can come up to you and tell you the truth that you are hiding from.  

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