“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

A Silly response to one's time and how to correct it Day 180

Enjoying putting things off for later. Creating that anticipation within myself, because I have put something off for later. I can revel in the experience of anticipation, that energy, in thinking about the future, and what I have put off for later. It can be positive anticipation, or negative dread. In both cases it is still put off for later.
I was/am in a situation where I had the choice of choosing one of two things that I could participate now, one involved doing research, the other involved a social matter. Only putting off the social matter created a noticeable energy within me. Putting off the research for later does present some energy within me, but it is significantly less. The research would be more procrastination, or a dreading experience. The social matter would be more of a anticipation, which is both fearful and exciting energy. The social situation obviously has lots of potential for conflict, so there could always be unexpected energy to draw from, though it is highly likely that energy will be reactivated.
This whole design is interesting because there is not really the thing itself here, that would trigger energy. All of this construct is based on projections into the future, which does takes its position here, within the actual choice that would occur here, in which activity to pursue first.
All that exists is what is here, and everything here, moves or changes. So there is no energy inherent within a movement or change, it is something added on, like added sugar or salt in many foods, by us.
So it is to redefine enjoyment to being here with what is here, and that being the source or starting point of enjoyment: being here. So obviously, doing something later rather than now is something that practically occurs in every moment, because out of the millions of things we could be doing, or even plan on doing, we can only do one of them now. The rest of the things would have to occur at a later time. This is just how reality and how ourselves exists as and were built to be. This is just the nature of space and time, which has many benefits for us, for one we can learn patience, and focus, care and dedication. 
So I will be patient, focused, caring, and dedicated, by both doing one thing that I choose to do now, and later on, doing the things I choose to be done in a later point in time, which are all points that I wish to manifest and create. So it is neither to be rushing by try to do more than I could possible do in a certain amount of time, or stalling by wasting precious time and not using it to its and my fullest capacity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in the clock of the mind, instead of real-time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to either rush or stall something, instead of simply doing my best and using time to my fullest capacity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dishonor the gift of time, through using energy while being here, in movement or action, because energy is to live outside of time or what is here, in regards to our awareness and being.
When and as I see myself, living outside of time through participation with and as energy – I stop and I breathe- I realize that energy is a creation imbued with the property of separation, which is a direct birthing from ourselves, our being, which is created by our choices.
I commit myself to imbue my being with responsibility, and dedication, with a persistent awareness, focus or attention to what is here, which includes time, manifested as clocks and watches.  

Looking at the time. Fearful having lost time, or opportunity for not having acted before in the past. This is silly, I can see that, and I can just let it go.

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