The Self is the key. You are the key. If you want to make things better, focus on yourself. Do you have a relationship with yourself? Are you able to hold yourself and know yourself? Do you know what you are feeling? Do you know what you are thinking? Are you here with yourself? Do you Know yourself?

Self is the Key. You are the Key. You have the power. You are the power. You need to know the power. You need to know yourself. You need to know who you are right now in this moment in what you are thinking and feeling. And you need to start stopping whatever it is that is not best for you. You need to start stopping that which is harmful to Life.

Be the Self that is Free from all limitation, pain, abuse, destruction, and full of creation, ability, and potential. You start becoming through self-forgiveness.

Would you like to have a relationship with Your self?

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Victim/Sadness Characters, also featuring the Paranoid/Fearful Character and Self-Conceited/Reward-seeking Character. Day 163




FYI Cusi is a cat, and you will need to read through the entire document till the end. Enjoy! -yogan

Sadness/Victim Character
Cusi bitting my wrist.
Say aloud “oh no, what did I do?” or “what’s the matter cusi?” or “what is wrong?”
I feel sad.

My neck drops a bit, I stare off into the distance, I am “still” “not moving” and too weak to really move. I just focus in on my sadness and I stay there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drop my neck.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be still, not moving.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too weak to really move.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just stay there within my sadness, with my focus and attention on my sadness, which is situated within my solar plexus.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say aloud “oh, no what did I do?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say aloud “what’s the matter cusi?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say aloud “what is wrong?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to Cusi biting my wrist.

Im thinking I am doing something wrong to cusi, I hurt cusi. I did not treat cusi well. I scared cusi away. I did not treat cusi right. I damaged cusi. I destroyed cusi. I destroyed our relationship. He hates me. I am a bad friend. I am a bad person. Cusi will never forgive me. I wronged him. I am at fault. I need to ask for forgiveness. I need to make it up to cusi. I need to find a way to make things better. What can I do to make things better? How can I help cusi. What can I do differently, next time?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am doing something wrong to cusi
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think , I hurt cusi
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I did not treat cusi
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I scared cusi away
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I did not treat cusi right
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I damaged cusi
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I destroyed cusi.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I destroyed our relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think he hates me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad friend.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a bad person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think Cusi will never forgive me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think . I wronged him.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am at fault.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I need to ask for forgiveness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I need to make it up to cusi.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I need to find a way to make things better.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think what can I do to make things better?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think how can I help cusi.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think what can I do differently, next time?

This reminds me of how I reacted to how specific friends I had who reacted negatively towards me, similar to how cusi bit my wrist, but appropriate for human interactions. I have this fear of friends reacting negatively to me and thus leaving me. I therefore fear losing friends. I fear doing something that will drive friends away.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear driving friends away.
I forgive myself ffor accepting and allowing myself to fear friends reacting negatively to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friends, especially because of something I did.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the cause, reason, or excuse as to why a person, whom I considered a friend, chooses to not seek my company.
So the fear of loss leads to sadness, when what I fear losing, “occurs.”
When and as I see myself feeling afraid of losing a relationship or friendship with a person, animal or thing, and I feel sad after experiencing an event which I interpret in my mind as meaning my fear of losing them/it has been realized – I stop and I breathe – I realize that relationships and friendships don’t define me – I realize that I define myself through what goes on within me – I realize that possession or ownership is often the case not permanent, as well as serves as an abstract concept or idea, because I can’t really “own” something or “have something” eternally, really, and the closest I can get is to be in the presence of something with that something’s permission – from this I realize I am always a guest wherever I go, and with whomever I am with, and each thing gives its permission for me to be in its presence, or not – I realize the only thing I hold responsibility for is myself – I realize I cannot own a relationship or friendship, and I can never lose a relationship or friends, as it wasn’t Mine, to begin with – I realize practically I may do things that may incur a response from a person to make a decision to not have their presence near my being, which is fine, acceptable and ok, as my responsibility is over myself, not over them and their decision – I realize I also don’t have a say as to deny my presence to be spent with another person if they wish to spend time with me, on an absolute realm, though practically I may need to schedule time, because I can only be in one place in any single moment – I realize that as my mind I assume too much from small tiny events, like with Cusi, I assumed that him biting me led to my sadness in a quantum moment, because of my patterns of thinking and I do this in many situations where I react to such small events as a person expressing an emotion of frustration or anger, and I make it as if now they wish to spend no more time with me ever again, forever.
I commit myself to never deny a person who wishes to spend time in my presence, and to be practical by, if necessary, schedule times to meet.
I commit myself to remove all concepts of control or ownership over anything in this world, and be humble by restricting my responsibility to just Me.
I commit myself to be humble when approaching a person, and ask them whether I can spend time in their presence.
I commit myself to stop trying to control, maintain, and keep relationships, and instead simply express me, from the starting point of doing things for me, and so by doing so, I allow others to do the same, and be free from this eternal servitude of my own fear of loss of relationships and friendships leading to repetitive actions that I believe, made as if real, maintain or keep a relationship, which is done in fear.
I commit myself to respect another person’s decision to not have their being spent time in my presence.
I commit myself to not be over-presumptuous and assume that because someone wishes to leave my vicinity, or immediate area, to assume that they are trying to get away from me forever or that they left because of me, because maybe they wanted to explore something else, or they had a specific reaction towards me, and left so that they could deal with it, or any number of other possible scenarios.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the worst possible case scenario, and thus make it as real in my mind, and perception, through reactions, and taking on as characters that live this, such as the Victim/sadness character.

This reminds me of this guy I watched in this movie. He lived in a bunker and was playing the crazy old conspiracy theorist guy who was preparing for the end of the world, and thus for the worst case scenarios in general. I observed how he lived a debilitated and restricted life, with no contact with real people. He lived in solitude. He was paranoid, which meant he got scared easily by strangers, and scared towards his own thoughts of government agencies looking for him. I can relate to that, in terms of how I feel now. I feel fearful, of not having control, of someone looking for me, wishing to do something to me. I fear the consequences for what I have done to people. I fear doing things by accident that can cause negative outcomes. I fear endangering my own safety. I fear bad things happening to me. I fear being robbed in the streets. I fear being robbed at gun point. I fear

Paranoid/ Fearful character

I fear bad things happening to me, which I can’t control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear bad things happening to me, which I can’t control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having control over bad things that might happen to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear someone looking for me wishing to harm me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear government agencies or groups or organizations looking for me to harm me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear some great evil super villain killing me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing something to someone which causes them to get so angry that they come to kill me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being killed from behind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being killed while I am relaxed and distracted.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making someone mad, because they might come kill me later.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being hurt in the street, walking alone at night.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being robbed at gun point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear receiving an STD from having sex with a woman.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being arrested by the cops.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a person thinking I am dangerous and calling the cops on me, because they might decide to arrest me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a hurricane that comes to destroy Miami, and that my family and I need to escape by a boat.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear an end of the world scenario where I have to escape Miami with my family.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a Tyranasauras rex that comes to our house and tries to eat us.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Chuckie from the horror movie, because its something small that can move fast, and pretend to be just a doll, when it is actually alive and can kill me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear horror movie monsters that try to kill me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight my fear by imagining a saving scenario that saves and fights the feared scenario, like a superhero, or a magic circumstance that changes things, or I act like a hero, instead of stopping the actual imagined fear.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine myself being a hero that fights against the thing I fear that could kill me.
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine something else coming to save me and act as a hero, to fight the fear I have of that thing that I fear will kill me.
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine closing my eyes, and hiding from that thing I fear will come and kill me, as if hoping it will go away like waking up from a bad dream.

When and as I am fearful of dying or being killed or harmed by something which I fear of doing this to me – I stop and I breathe- I realize that my fear is killing me, and my ability to live, and even my ability to foresee real probable scenarios that would be undesirable for my life- I realize that having a fear and feeling fearful of something killing me, causes me to freeze, or prompts me to fight back violently, which is both cases not something beneficial, as the best thing is to prevent undesirable circumstances – I realize that most of my fears are delusional and likely never to happen, regarding making someone angry enough to kill me, or monsters, or end of the world scenarios – I realize that most of my fears are irrational – I realize that  fear sucks, I hate living in fear – I realize that I am like that old guy I referenced from that movie I watched, who is paranoid, who is isolated, and spends all his time thinking about things that could happen to him, and takes actions as an attempt to combat them, even though they are really unique situations that are very unlikely to happen and he would also have very little control anyway – I realize that these fears I wrote out are tied to situations or circumstances where I have very little control, and thus I am a victim, who must plead or run away for his life –

I commit myself to remove fear eventually through continuous writing, investigation and commitments.
I commit myself to stop and analyze the situation when something “dangerous” is present.
I commit myself to take responsibility again as an individual who is responsible for himself.
I experience my body/self as the following: heart races, I feel distracted and have trouble concentrating on one thing. My attention is divided on things I am not aware of, or towards danger. I feel like running and fear I am not running fast enough, or I feel very still, slow, and having trouble moving myself, and arms, and legs. So I have a loss of muscle coordination. I feel like I am moving slow, or that time is moving slow, when I am aware that I am actually missing out on much on what is happening, and literally have less control through being less aware of the moment.

I am going to die. I won’t live. I don’t have a chance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am going to die.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I won’t live.
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I don’t have a chance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have my heart race.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel distracted
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have trouble concentrating on one thing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have my attention be divided to things I am not aware of, or towards danger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like running.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I am running fast enough.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel very still, slow, and having trouble to move myself, my arms, and legs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a loss in muscle coordination.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like time is moving slow
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I am moving slow.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss out on what is actually happening.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be less aware of moment and thus have less control over myself and the moment.
When and as I see myself feeling fearful, with my heart racing, etc… I stop and I breathe – I realize I need to really, actually, bring myself here, and increase my presence, and awareness, and being of being here, which I do by focusing on what is physical present, and focusing on my physical body, and my awareness of my senses, and physical positioning of my body in space, in this moment, which includes breathing which is notoriously useful in slowing down my heart and bringing back control over my muscles and body, to more exact precision and movement – I realize I need to take control back, over me, over myself, and my body, my muscles, and bones, my blood, organs, etc… - I realize that this fear is a possessive state, that possess me, my muscles, my ENTIRE body, and moves according to a quantum decision made in the fear part of me – I realize the only way to stop fear, to stop these possessions, is by asserting myself, and stopping! And bringing back me to the physical seat _ I realize that fear is like the mind’s or mine, emergency back up system in case of danger posed to my physical body which is my vehicle- I realize how this emergency back up system, known as fear, is not ideally placed, because it includes irrational fear, as well, it is not effective because it is not focused, and is more distracted, it focuses only on fighting or running away, or standing still, like hiding, which the decision making process of which one to do, appears completely random, and not based on what is actually occurring, e.g. standing when you should be running, or running when you should be acting to help another, or make a better move that was not noticeable or considered as an option previously.
I commit myself to breathe, be here in each moment of breath, and when I see I am not here, as my body, as my arms, legs, and rest of my body, breathing, I start being here again, shift from the mind, into the physical body.


Physically smiling, possession of smiling. Possession of giggling laughing, feeling happiness and joy in my center region, Thinking I am so glad, happy, grateful. I was thinking about how someone was congratulating me on a job well done I felt happy because I was making a difference in someone else’s life.
 Self-conceited/Reward-seeking Character
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy because I believe, thought or perceived I was making a difference in someone else’s life.
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about someone congratulating me on a job well done.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am so glad happy and grateful.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be possessed by giggling, laughing, and feeling happiness and joy in my centered regions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be physically possessed by smiling.
When and as I see myself feeling happy, thinking about being congratulated for being helpful, and physical possessed as smiling, laughing or giggling – I stop and I breathe – I realize that it is self-dishonest to help someone for the purpose of feeling happy, good, or physically smiling, laughing or giggling, because if that is acceptable then it is also acceptable to harm someone for the same desired experiences, which would be unacceptable – I realize that it is only self-honest to help someone, from the starting point of me, of who I am or who I am trying to be or who I decided I would like to be and so live, and so doing so would be doing it FOR ME – I realize I need to live for me, for my well being, and I wish everyone else would do the same – I realize to live for praise is to live for a lesser life, or potential of living, that I am capable of, and I require to push to live for myself, for the actual reasons I find important, not the ideas or beliefs I have about what would make me happy, but rather what is actually, in actuality what is best for me, and with that I can die happy.
I commit myself to live for me, not for congratulations or applause.
I commit myself to live for me, not for attention or recognition.
I commit myself to live for me, what is best for me, what actually serves me in living the absolute best life, one that I wish for every single person to strive to achieve for their self.
I commit myself to make sure that every single action and movement I take is made within the starting point of what is best for me.



I made a mistake in typing a webpage URL. I closed my eyes, leaned forward and thought very adamantly, as if it were the truth and I was admitting it to myself, reluctantly: Yogan you don’t know what you are doing. My eyes were tight shut, squeezing. I felt sad or pity for myself.
I did it again, but this time I placed my left hand, open palmed, over my forehead region, as if saying, oh shoot I made a mistake, like in a cartoon or tv show. And I had thought the same, Yogan you don’t know what you are doing.
Sad/Victim character
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say to myself, “Yogan, you don’t know what you are doing”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to shut my eyes, tight, lean my head forward and down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad or pity for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself or feel sad for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself or feel sad for myself when I am confused, or make a mistake or do something incorrectly, or don’t know the correct thing to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself or feel sad for myself when I don’t know something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself or feel sad for myself over how much I know or don’t know.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself or feel sad for myself in respect to knowledge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself or feel sad for myself when I don’t know something and it affects my grade in school.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear receiving anything less than A in school.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame other things, outside of myself, for why I get grades that are lower than an A, out of fear or within fear, of being the one responsible for the grade I received that was less than an A.

When and as I see myself feeling afraid of not knowing something, and so think/react as a victim character, “Yogan, you don’t know what you are doing” as an attempt to not take responsibility for myself because I am attempting to claim, “I didn’t know,” which is meant to excuse the responsibility for what I just did as a mistake, or incorrect movement, behavior, or action, that I had just done – I stop and I breathe- I realize that I am always responsible for myself, even when I make a mistake, or incorrect movement, behavior or decision, and even when I didn’t know, or did know that it was incorrect – I realize I always will be responsible for myself, and that I have always been the one that is responsible for myself – I realize that playing the victim and blaming something else for something I did, weakens me, and makes my situation worse, because now that I have stated something else is responsible for what I did, I will begin to live that statement in my life in totality, with everything I do, and all interactions- I realize there are no such things as victims, just people, like me, who harm themselves, or if they choose, help themselves- victimizing myself, and not taking responsibility for myself, and giving excuses for what I did, doesn’t help me, it harms me.
I commit myself to stop all blaming and excuses regarding what I do, or have done, or did in the past, as well as creating future excuses for what I will do.
I commit myself to always take responsibility for my actions, through my spoken words, how I speak, what I say, within explaining why I did something, or had done something, and so within sharing why, I am stating I am responsible, thoroughly and completely, and thus owning myself, my actions, and miss-takes, and every behavior I engage within.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Are you walking process to make friends, or are you walking it for yourself? Big DIFFERENCE!!!!!! day 162


So Im interrupting my blog series for THIS. VERY IMPORTANT POINT.

Am I walking process for me?

When I ask myself whether I compare doing things FOR ME, VS. Doing this FOR ANY thing else.
I self-honestly choose Me.

Do I help this person FOR ME, or for them?
FOR ME.

Do I wake up FOR ME, or to save the world?
FOR ME.

Whatever I place in this spot: Do I do THIS for me, or ________?
FOR ME always WINS.

But am I LIVING THIS?
NOoooooooooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOooooooooOOOOOoooooooo

I notice how even just 5 minutes ago, how i was doing something FOR SOMEONE ELSE, for the purpose of BEING THEIR FRIEND, which is COMPLETELY self-dishonest.

AND IT WAS AUTOMATIC.

I had to literally slam my hand on the table and yell NOOOO!!!!
So I literally had to take action to stop myself in the moment in Acting that way, and ALIGN myself to doing this FOR ME.

In addition, I had also seen something that would be done FOR ME, but I was HESITANT, I DID NOT ACT IMMEDIATELY. And so it WASn't automatic. But I KEPT looking at the Point. THIS IS FOR ME, and I WAS sitting there looking at the situation, I said to MYSELF, within myself, this is FOR ME, acting this way would be ACTING FOR ME. I Just couldn't take it because I couldn't ALLOW the situation to continue like it was. SO I just went for it. I had to push, and DRAW OUT the words. I had to FORCE and PUSH PAST the, FOR THEM REASONS. 

It is interesting that there is nothing in the mind that is done FOR YOU. It is always done for EVERYTHING ELSE THAT EXISTS, women, cars, friends, houses, money, ideas, beliefs, power, enlightenment, grace, intelligence, etc... BUT NEVER is it for you, (for me).


CAN YOU NAME ONE THING YOU DID FOR YOU?

I grew up doing everything FOR GOD. I did well in school etc... but it was like this resistance, because its A LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whenever you do something NOT FOR YOU, its a lieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

When I start doing things for me its like a freedom, because nothing can touch me unless I allow it too. So people can say anything to me, the animals and plants can do anything to me, because it doesn't matter, everything I do is for me, not for them. So people can't guilt me anymore, people can't scare me anymore, people can't give me anything anymore, I have everything I need, which is myself. That's an absolute point in process, DOING EVERYTHING FOR YOU (For me). Breathe for you, eat for you, shit for you, study for you, work for you, dance for you, laugh for you, write for you, etc... And what is interesting is that within this I AM WRITING FOR EVERYONE.

WHY? HOW?

Because this is for me, its a present for me, I WANT YOU ALL TO CHANGE, to DO THINGS FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT FOR ME BUT FOR YOU. Which WHY AM I DOING THIS???

ITS FOR ME!!!!

Because its what I want, how I want the world to be, exactly. WHICH IS DONE FOR ME, not for you, or gifts or praises, or energy, or laughs, or pats on the back or anything thing but the THING ITSELF, and ME.


So if you drew a circle, the center of the circle would be me, and doing things for me would be the starting point of EVERYTHING I DO. On a practical realm, I need to face EVERY SINGLE tendency, automatic movements, learned habits, that ACT by themselves, and ALIGN the ACTION and the REASON, for doing things to..... ME!


ME ME ME ME ME ME. Wonderful isn't it? AND the ONLY REASON YOU WOULD LISTEN WOULD BE FOR YOU!!!!! AHAHAH!

IF YOU YOU DON"T LISTEN, You care about something else more than you!!!!!
SAD, Right?

What's more important the world or you?

HAHAHA. THIS IS A TRICK!!!!! THE IDEAS OF CHARITY, OF SAVING THE WORLD are tricks, are DECEPTIONS!!!!!

Every religion, and every morality TRIES TO MAKE ANYTHING, EVERYTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU.

EVEN YOUR OWN GOD DAMN HAPPINESS, IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU!!!!!!!

How sick is that?!!!

That how you feel, your happiness, or sadness, is MORE IMPORTANT THAT YOU!!!!!!
That totality of YOU!!!!!

So its all a deception, the reasons that humans live, have all been lies. FOR GOD, FOR "ME", which translates to "how I feel," FOR SEX, FOR DRUGS, FOR PARTIES, FOR FRIENDS, FOR HONOR, FOR LAUGHS, FOR A GOOD TIME, FOR SAVING THE WORLD, FOR FREEDOM, FOR BLAh, BLAh, BLAh, BLAh.

IF YOU DID THINGS ABSOLUTELY FOR YOU, FOR THE REAL ME, THE TOTALITY OF YOURSELF, HOW WOULD YOU CHANGE?

YOU WOULD BE THE ABSOLUTE MOST AMAZING PERSON WOULDN"T YOU?

YOU WOULD CARE ABOUT WHAT"S HAPPENING TO YOU, WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU.

IS''NT THAT WHAT EVERY PARENT WOULD WISH FOR THEIR CHILD???

IRONIC IS''NT IT?!

SO I was walking this process to make friends. THIS HAS TO STOP. NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME. TO LIVE FOR SOMEONE ELSE, is a LIEEEEEEE.

To clarify things, when you care for someone else, like physically care, wash your dog, feed your baby, etc... you do it from the starting point of YOU, SELF, WHO YOU ARE. You feed your dog FOR YOU, you feed your baby FOR YOU. BECAUSE YOU RECOGNIZE THIS WORLD, CONSEQUENCE, THE FUTURE, and you create it as such, FOR YOU. Create the world FOR YOU (for me).

DO YOU WANT THAT BABY OR DOG IN YOUR LIFE? THAN YOU BETTER FEED IT!!!!!!!
AHhaha.

ANother interesting dimension within all of this is how when you do things FOR YOU. You ARE recognizing the equal value of LIFE in EVERYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE YOU RECOGNIZE EVERYTHING ELSE IS A SELF.

THAT YOU DO THINGS FOR YOU, and YOU SEE THE BENEFIT THEREOF, and YOU WISH AUTOMATICALLY THAT EVERYTHING ELSE HAS THE SAME BENEFIT.

YOU EXPERIENCE THE LIFT OF THE YEARS OF LIES THAT HAVE BE COMPOUNDED.
You begin to see that life can be pleasant, free of pain and suffering, and your vision on physical pain and suffering changes, that they are insignificant to this LIE you have been carrying around. LIVING IN A LIE IS THE WORST THING A PERSON CAN DO TO THEMSELVES.

CHOPPING OFF YOUR ARM WOULD BE BETTER THAN LIVING IN A LIE.

THANKFULLY YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO SUCH A THING.

JUST STOP LIVING THE LIE.

EVERY MOMENT YOU STOP, and EVERY MOMENT YOU ALIGN your actions and REASONS, to YOU (for me), the closer you get to.....  Well, that.

Just do it for godsakes!!! This isn't a popularity contest.





I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in the lie of doing things FOR making friends, instead of FOR ME.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do anything that is not aligned to doing it FOR ME.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop myself when I DO THINGS FOR something Other than Myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing  myself TO not align EVERY THING I DO, to doing it FOR ME, and STOPPING AND CHANGING WHAT I DO TO REFLECT ALWAYS, DOING, LIVING, FOR ME.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for god.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for love
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for being a good person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for PEOPLE I KNOW
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for my dogs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for my teachers
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for girls I had crushes on
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for girls/ women in general
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for guys/ men in general
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for everyone
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for people
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things for any one, or things, or concrete thing, or abstract concept, OTHER THAN MYSELF.

 When and as I SEE Myself- doing something for a reason other than myself, or not doing something that would be from the reason of FOR myself- I stop and I breathe- I realize that, for me, I need to live for me, and that to live for anything else, is a waste of my time, which is limited on this Earth - I realize that the things I believe I would receive from other people and things for living for them, is a lie as well, and are also meaningless, as all meaning is found in  ME, not in things that I can "receive" - I realize I am the most valuable thing in the universe, and that Self is the same gift that each thing in the universe can GIVE itself- I realize that there is nothing else more that I need other than myself.

I commit myself to in real time, stop participating in my habits that are acting from the reasons that are in my mind that is for things other than me, and to realign my actions to living/doing things for me.

I commit myself to walk my process until I am walking 100% FOR ME.

Like, OMG!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Love and Relationships Day 161

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not getting married.
I forgive mysel ffor acceptin and allowing myself to fear not having kids
I foribe mysel ffor accepting and allwing myself to fear not having  awife.
I forgive mysel ffor accepting and allowing myself to fear not meeting my soul mate.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself ot fear not meeting and getting with the perfect person for me.
I forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the opportunity for the relationship that is meant or destined for me.
I forgiv emyself for accepting and allowing mysefl to believe in destiny and fate.
I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as powerless because destiny and fate will decide my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope and desire for destiny and fate to exist so that I won't have to lose anything, or attempt to try to gain something, because all is already decided.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing things, or opportunities to gain something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having enough money to provide for my kids.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to provide the best for my kids and wife.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing irreversible harm to my wife or kids.


When and as I see myself- seeking a relationship, hoping or thinking about the perfect relationship - I stop and breathe- I realize that I don't need a relationship to be happy- I realize that relationships don't really give me anything, except an opportunity to get to know myself with another person, and that person - I realize that I will never be defined by the person I am with - I realize that no one can really harm me, that I am here always, that we are just physical- I realize that if I enter a relationship I will enter it for me - I realize that the purpose of human relationship of bringing children into this world is sacred, and must be respected and valued accordingly - I realize it takes a great amount of time and commitment to raise children, which is why two people are ideal rather than just one - I realize that the best relationship is one that is built and stands the test of time, and flourishes, grows, and opens up, like a tree, starting out like a seed, sprouting, and becoming sturdier and bigger throughout the years.

I commit myself to find self-happiness in living my commitments, who I am in my written and spoken words, and living in this world daily.
I commit myself to explore who I AM in relationships, my personalities, and characters, in writing, and testing, and realign myself in writing out self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements.
I commit myself to enter into a relationship when I am ready to explore who I am, test who I am, and to build something sturdy that can serve both of us well.

I commit myself to consider seriously whether bringing children into this world is something I would choose to do.
I commit myself to if I start a relationship to do it full out, to make it the best relationship ever, and hold nothing back.


So i saw a photo of two people. I felt, love, or a good feeling. It reminds me of a memory, where I was like that way with another person myself. It reminds me of how I used to feel when hugging people. Of the physical touch, warm, feel of the fabric, hearing their chest move with breathing, and feeling my own muscles relaxed yet steady. I could describe it many ways, feeling trust, security, comfort, at ease, relaxed, safe, protected, like everything is alright or perfect. But now having written these words, I begin to feel sad. I remember when my relationship ended. I am reminded of how it is not actually here, now. How it is lost. One of the realizations that I wrote in my previous blogs was how emotions and feelings are not separate from me, so they can never really be lost. I see that in my memory, this good feeling expects that there be someone I am hugging, someone I am loving, for it to exist, be here, and not be lost. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that there be someone here in order for me to love and experience love as a feeling. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as a feeling as requiring another person, other than myself, for it to be present, here, and exist. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a hug. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a relationship. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my definition of love, since, supposedely love is such a great thing, why limit it to something, and instead to include everything, every action, every thing. When and as I see myself experiencing love and so fear of loss - I stop and I breathe- i realize that love exists because i have limited love, or myself, to just a few things or actions, instead of all things and actions - I realize that limiting myself to a few things or actions creates fear - I realize that having a fixed perception, or name, or definition, or who I am, who YOgan, is limits me - I realize that I create myself with the definitions I have for myself, which creates a feeling and thought about who I am- I realize that I want to live without desires or expectations of me that are limited, instead of with desires that are unlimited, boundless, outside space and time- I commit myself to eliminate love by loving every action and thing I commit myself to include all things and actions into consideration I commit myself to eliminate fear by including all actions and things into consideration I xommit myself to be flexible, adaptable, and unfixed. I commit myself to not limit the definition of who I am, to limitations. I commit myself to have the highest expectations for me. - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-understanding-part-1.html#.dpuf
So i saw a photo of two people. I felt, love, or a good feeling. It reminds me of a memory, where I was like that way with another person myself. It reminds me of how I used to feel when hugging people. Of the physical touch, warm, feel of the fabric, hearing their chest move with breathing, and feeling my own muscles relaxed yet steady. I could describe it many ways, feeling trust, security, comfort, at ease, relaxed, safe, protected, like everything is alright or perfect. But now having written these words, I begin to feel sad. I remember when my relationship ended. I am reminded of how it is not actually here, now. How it is lost. One of the realizations that I wrote in my previous blogs was how emotions and feelings are not separate from me, so they can never really be lost. I see that in my memory, this good feeling expects that there be someone I am hugging, someone I am loving, for it to exist, be here, and not be lost. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that there be someone here in order for me to love and experience love as a feeling. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as a feeling as requiring another person, other than myself, for it to be present, here, and exist. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a hug. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a relationship. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my definition of love, since, supposedely love is such a great thing, why limit it to something, and instead to include everything, every action, every thing. When and as I see myself experiencing love and so fear of loss - I stop and I breathe- i realize that love exists because i have limited love, or myself, to just a few things or actions, instead of all things and actions - I realize that limiting myself to a few things or actions creates fear - I realize that having a fixed perception, or name, or definition, or who I am, who YOgan, is limits me - I realize that I create myself with the definitions I have for myself, which creates a feeling and thought about who I am- I realize that I want to live without desires or expectations of me that are limited, instead of with desires that are unlimited, boundless, outside space and time- I commit myself to eliminate love by loving every action and thing I commit myself to include all things and actions into consideration I commit myself to eliminate fear by including all actions and things into consideration I xommit myself to be flexible, adaptable, and unfixed. I commit myself to not limit the definition of who I am, to limitations. I commit myself to have the highest expectations for me. - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-understanding-part-1.html#.dpuf
So i saw a photo of two people. I felt, love, or a good feeling. It reminds me of a memory, where I was like that way with another person myself. It reminds me of how I used to feel when hugging people. Of the physical touch, warm, feel of the fabric, hearing their chest move with breathing, and feeling my own muscles relaxed yet steady. I could describe it many ways, feeling trust, security, comfort, at ease, relaxed, safe, protected, like everything is alright or perfect. But now having written these words, I begin to feel sad. I remember when my relationship ended. I am reminded of how it is not actually here, now. How it is lost. One of the realizations that I wrote in my previous blogs was how emotions and feelings are not separate from me, so they can never really be lost. I see that in my memory, this good feeling expects that there be someone I am hugging, someone I am loving, for it to exist, be here, and not be lost. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that there be someone here in order for me to love and experience love as a feeling. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as a feeling as requiring another person, other than myself, for it to be present, here, and exist. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a hug. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a relationship. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my definition of love, since, supposedely love is such a great thing, why limit it to something, and instead to include everything, every action, every thing. When and as I see myself experiencing love and so fear of loss - I stop and I breathe- i realize that love exists because i have limited love, or myself, to just a few things or actions, instead of all things and actions - I realize that limiting myself to a few things or actions creates fear - I realize that having a fixed perception, or name, or definition, or who I am, who YOgan, is limits me - I realize that I create myself with the definitions I have for myself, which creates a feeling and thought about who I am- I realize that I want to live without desires or expectations of me that are limited, instead of with desires that are unlimited, boundless, outside space and time- I commit myself to eliminate love by loving every action and thing I commit myself to include all things and actions into consideration I commit myself to eliminate fear by including all actions and things into consideration I xommit myself to be flexible, adaptable, and unfixed. I commit myself to not limit the definition of who I am, to limitations. I commit myself to have the highest expectations for me. - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-understanding-part-1.html#.dpuf

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A quest for understanding Part 1 -emotions and feelings Day 160

I finished up a series of blogs on humility. I suggest to check that out before reading this, if you wish to have a greater understanding of the context and the changes that are happening on a larger scale. You will however will be able to follow along anyway.

I ended the previous series of blogs on a point. This point was being present with my emotions and feelings. The practical application, thereof, is opening up something interesting. And I have questions, and seek answers. That is why I write tonight.

So there are two different moments I am experiencing. One is when there is a distinct voice, or thought I have, and I experience a feeling or emotion along with the thought. Another moment is one where I just experience a feeling, and its silent in my head, no thought.

I am curious as to why they are different. I admit they are different. In one I am taking a position, and my perception of the world changes, like I am clouded. The second one, I perceive what is here, and what I feel, without feeling like I am being pushed out of the way. The first one is more forceful and forces its way in. The second is just here, not really moving or going anywhere, not forcing me to stay or go, just present.

This could be the nature of positivity and negativity.

As with everything, Self-forgiveness will make things clearer.

So i saw a photo of two people. I felt, love, or a good feeling. It reminds me of a memory, where I was like that way with another person myself. It reminds me of how I used to feel when hugging people. Of the physical touch, warm, feel of the fabric, hearing their chest move with breathing, and feeling my own muscles relaxed yet steady. I could describe it many ways, feeling trust, security, comfort, at ease, relaxed, safe, protected, like everything is alright or perfect. But now having written these words, I begin to feel sad. I remember when my relationship ended. I am reminded of how it is not actually here, now. How it is lost. One of the realizations that I wrote in my previous blogs was how emotions and feelings are not separate from me, so they can never really be lost. I see that in my memory, this good feeling expects that there be someone I am hugging, someone I am loving, for it to exist, be here, and not be lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that there be someone here in order for me to love and experience love as a feeling.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love as a feeling as requiring another person, other than myself, for it to be present, here, and exist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a hug.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love according to a relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my definition of love, since, supposedely love is such a great thing, why limit it to something, and instead to include everything, every action, every thing.
When and as I see myself experiencing love and so fear of loss - I stop and I breathe- i realize that love exists because i have limited love, or myself, to just a few things or actions, instead of all things and actions - I realize that limiting myself to a few things or actions creates fear - I realize that having a fixed perception, or name, or definition, or who I am, who YOgan, is limits me - I realize that I create myself with the definitions I have for myself, which creates a feeling and thought about who I am- I realize that I want to live without desires or expectations of me that are limited, instead of with desires that are unlimited, boundless, outside space and time-
I commit myself to eliminate love by loving every action and thing
I commit myself to include all things and actions into consideration
I commit myself to eliminate fear by including all actions and things into consideration
I xommit myself to be flexible, adaptable, and unfixed.
I commit myself to not limit the definition of who I am, to limitations.
I commit myself to have the highest expectations for me.


More self-forgiveness, and self-correction, to arrive tomorrow.


Thursday, August 21, 2014

Quest for humility part 5 - Being present with my emotions day 159


My A. saying that he’s the best. I feel angry. I feel my blood rushing through my hands and feet, my heart pulsing. My breath is shallow. I feel like shouting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel my blood rushing through my hands and feet, when I am angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel my heart pulsing when I am angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to breathe shallow when I am angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like shouting when I am angry.
When and as I see myself feeling angry- I stop and I breathe – I realize that other people do not take anger well- I realize that when I am angry, I don’t really know what I am angry about specifically, I just feel it and act instantly – I realize that I don’t know where my anger comes from- I realize that the adrenaline I feel, is not good for my heart and my body – I realize that it is unnecessary for me to become angry, for my adrenaline to increase, my heart rate to increase, and to shout –
I commit myself to speak calmly and collected.
I commit myself to breathe when I get angry.
I commit myself to investigate and write about what makes me angry.
I commit myself to find out where my anger comes from.
I commit myself to through writing, introspection, self-inquiry, and self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements, find out where my anger comes from, how it works, and why it exists.
I commit myself to breathe when I feel adrenaline, especially when I am angry.

Why do I feel angry?
I feel angry because, A. made me angry, and my father made me angry.
How did I become angry?
I lost at chess, and my A. was shoving it into my face, and my father disagreed with me, and said I was just angry.
 Where does my anger come from?
All the times I have lost at things, and people had rubbed it in my face by celebrating, laughing at me, saying to me I’m not good, or dumb, or suck. And I wish that they would die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry because my A..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry because me father made me angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry when I lost at chess, and I perceived that my A. was shoving his victory in my face.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry when my father disagreed that A. was causing my anger, and that I was the one who was being angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry because I would wish people to die, when they would win things and rub it in my face, causing me to feel bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when people laughed me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when people celebrate a victory,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when people say that I am not good.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when people tell me I am dumb.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when people tell me I suck.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that people would die if they made me feel bad.
When and as I see myself feeling angry because someone made me feel bad, and I wished that they would die – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I don’t really wish for anyone to die – I realize that I feel bad and I wish to stop feeling bad – I realize I am blaming people that call me bad things, for the reason why I feel bad – I realize I have placed value on words, on my name, on “who I am” and who people say “I am.” – I realize that anger starts with feeling like I am hurt and I blame another person for causing me to feel to hurt, and that is who I am angry with – I realize that when I am angry, I don’t feel hurt – I realize that I keep on getting angry so I don’t feel hurt – I realize that when I let go of feeling hurt, and stopping blaming others or anything for why I am hurt, then I will have no reason to get angry –
I commit myself to investigate and open up through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application, self-inquiry, and self-introspection why I feel hurt when people call me names, and celebrate their victories.

I commit myself to kill “Yogan,” the who I am, the name, the value that is placed on the word “Yogan” and words associated to “Yogan,” through writing, self-inquiry, introspection, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective statements on feeling bad when people call me names, and celebrate their victories.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself, by finding why I feel bad, where does feeling bad come from, and how I feel bad, when people call me names, and celebrate their victories, and removing feeling bad.

“You suck”
I feel sad.
I’m remembering a time when I was at YMCA, and we were playing soccer in the court. I know I wasn’t very good. I was ok. I was mostly a defender. I certainly did not feel like I was as good as the other kids. I felt like the other kids were kind of harsh, or cared too much about winning. They would get angry sometimes. They talked as if playing soccer and being good at soccer was part of who they are, their identity.
I felt bad when I did poorly or made a mistake. Why? I felt like I was letting the team down, or myself down, that I could do better than that.
Why did I feel sad?
Because I wanted to win. Because I didn’t want to lost. I wanted to be better than my A.. I don’t know.
How did I feel sad?
When I lost or while I was losing, while playing with my A.. Because I remembered all the times I felt sad, when my A. would say certain things, I remembered when we would play together, me, my A., and my B., video games, or games outside, where I would lose and I would try so hard to win, and feel so sad. I took it personal. I took winning and losing personal, like it said something me, about who I am, and about who I was playing with. Why do we feel bad when we lose, and why do feel good when we win.
Where does feeling sad come from?
Memories of experiencing feeling sad that build up and connect to one another. In my early childhood, I felt sad when I lost toys. I would miss them, and wish I could find them again, and I would imagine finding them again, and feeling happy imagining that. Its like a fear when I realize, OH NO, I lost it, its gone forever, and then I feel sad. Feeling sad comes from feeling lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I was not as good as the other kids.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was not very good.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was ok.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resort to only being a defender in soccer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like that the other kids were harsh.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like the other kids cared too much about winning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive that the kids say soccer as part of their identity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive that the other kids would be get angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when I did poorly or made mistakes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I was letting the team down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I was letting myself down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I can do better than that.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because I wanted to win.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because I didn’t want to lose.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because I wanted to be better than my A..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because I don’t know.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I lost or while I was losing while playing with my A..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because I remembered all the times I felt sad, while I my A. say things to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I would remember playing video games or playing outside a game, where I would be trying very hard to win, and I would lose to my A. or B..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take losing to my A. and B. in a game, personally.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to take winning to my A. and B. , personally.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that winning and losing says something about who I am, and who I am playing with.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself feel bad when I lose, and feel good when I win.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I lose a game because all of memories of losing games and feeling sad are connected.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I lose toys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss my lost toys, and wish I could find my lost toys again.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine finding my lost toys again, and feeling happy, imagining that.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear when I lost my toys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my toys are gone forever, and to then feel sad afterwards.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I feel lost.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I lose something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad after I experience fear of loss.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad after I experience the fear of having lost my toys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I have lost something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that something is gone forever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my lost toys are gone forever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my toys are lost.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I have lost the chance at winning when I lose a game.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I have lost a chance at feeling happy when I lose a game.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy when I have my toys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy when I play with my toys.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing happiness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine myself feeling happy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear feeling sad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing happiness when my A. beats me at chess.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine feeling happy when I beat my A. in chess or I am winning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing things.
When and as I see myself feeling angry because I fear losing something – I stop and I breathe – I realize that anger is stupid, that it doesn’t help me keep me from losing things- I realize that losing things is part of life, we lose hair, we lose friends and loved ones, we lose ourselves sometimes, we lose our way, we sometimes are lost and don’t know where we are, we lose our keys, our cellphones, we lose many things – I realize that feeling afraid of losing things, doesn’t help me to keep better track of them, to be organized, disciplined, and have a good memory for where I keep things – I realize that emotions are not real, that I can’t really lose them, that they are a part of, who I am, and how I am built – I realize that its time to be practical with myself, with how I live, what I do, with my emotions, and myself.
I commit myself to be organized and have a place for everything
I commit myself to be organized with my day, and have a time set for everything, a schedule for my day
I commit myself to learn to let go of things when they are gone.
I commit myself to find my way again, when I am lost, to reestablish my bearings, and figure out where I am.
I commit myself to, when I lose things, to be systematic, and search for where they are most likely to be found, and keep searching, until I have done my best and I am satisfied that it is not where I had considered it to be.
I commit myself to let go of emotions, to stop trying to feel a particular emotion, and control what emotion I am feeling right now.
I commit myself to be present, and allow what emotions I have to be here, and simply be here with myself, with emotions, and feelings and aware of what is going on within me.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

A quest-ion for humility part 4 commitment statements Day 158

This blog is unconventionally structured for today. For today, I will be taking my past realizations for the last three blogs, and writing out commitment statements reflecting those realization, for the purpose of living these commitment statements in my everyday life. As a promise to myself, I will check in within a week to see how my living of these commitments statements are.

I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf
I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf

http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-1-day-155.html
http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-2-day156.html
http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-3-day157.html

 I realize that I don’t know more than another – I realize that I am not more or less capable than another- I realize that others have something to offer based off of their life experience.

I realize thinking and the mind, will push for domination of me, if I allow it- I realize that without energy the control as suppresion of my being, will lessen- I realize that as long as I continue to generate energy as excitement, my being will be suppressed- I realize that as long as I contine to accept and allow myself to participate within energy, of any sort, my being will continue to be suppressed

 I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness


I commit myself to listen to another person, to not interrupt them when they are speaking, to let them speak and share their point, and to assert myself after they finish sharing their point so that I can equally share my perspective.

I commit myself to find people to ask them questions when I don't know something, and wish to know.
I commit myself to ask for help from other people when I am participating in a project that could use more hands or mental power to help me finish it.
I commit myself to help with projects that could use more hands or mental power, and ones that support what is best for all.
I commit myself to seek guidance and wisdom from those who have more experience than me.
I commit myself to be humble and ask someone a question despite any fear or resistance I may have.


I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf
I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf
I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf
I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf
I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness - - See more at: http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/#sthash.7XdV9K7O.dpuf

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A quest for humility part 3 Day157

Throughout today, I have been saying self-forgiveness aloud when I was within the mind and energy. I found that today there was primarily nervousness. I did many self-forgivenesses related to fearing something. I would do the self-forgiveness aloud on the fear, and after I would see a drop in the nervousness, focused on my solar plexus. Like I shared in my post from yesterday http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-2-day156.html, energy suppresses my being, so to become and allow my being as humility to express itself, requires that I stop the thoughts, fears, energy, you name it. That's really the only way.

While i was in the tub, taking a bath, I notice fear within me. Well, at first I only noticed some pressure within me, and I was curious as to why it was there. I was especially curious as to why I was thinking SO MUCH. Because thinking is tied to energy, you can't have one without the other, I took a moment and focused in on my solar plexus. I waited until I could identify what feeling or emotion I had. So I identified nervousness, which is a fear emotion isn't it? So I next identified what in my environment is triggering this emotion?

It took me a little while, but then I remember how I was moving my hand in the water of the tub, and then it hit me. Its the water! So imaginations came up (which were stored like memories, instant and immediate retrieval) of drowning, of being stung by a jellyfish, of being eaten by a shark, of being lost at sea, of being in the water in the dark. So I did self-forgiveness aloud for fearing each fear. I notice the effects immediately on myself. The energy lessened, and I just kept breathing, stabilizing myself within my physical body and stopping participation in the energy and thinking, allowing my being to step further into the physical.

So my day consisted of several moments like the one above. And I followed the basic structure above. Noticing mind activity, identifying the emotion and feeling, identifying the trigger, applying self-forgiveness, breathing, and stabilizing myself, allowing me as my being to step through into the physical more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in the water in the dark.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being stung by a jellyfish in the water.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being eaten by a shark.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear drowning in the water.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being humble enough.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being humble.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear presenting myself as not being humble, and as an ego.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being perfect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having anything to say.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to move.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the dark or unknown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear change and new possibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a new life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear.

When and as I see myself within and as fear, as my mind, reacting to fears within me, triggered by my environment, I stop and I breathe - I realize that, as someone I know said, fear is stupid! - I realize that it is strange I have memories of imaginations of me dieing in various ways, which I feel nervous or fearful when just the an association is present in my environment that triggers those memories - I realize that my mind is built like a machine, but I don't wish to any longer live according to the mind, for that reason - I realize that fear is one example for me as how things in the mind happen so quick and so outside of my awareness -

I commit myself to push on with self-forgiveness of my fears, as they are triggered by my environment, until there are no more fears and the energy subsides.


Monday, August 18, 2014

A quest for humility part 2 Day156

Read the previous blog for context.  http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-quest-for-humility-part-1-day-155.html

I notice how, when I speak, and especially write my blogs, how I am fighting myself. And I feel the energy rising within me, as I do this. And as i do this, what is in fact happening is that I am suppressing my being, as the mind becomes more prominent with the increased energy through the fighting.
I watched a Vlog on humility today, and I listened to an Eqafe video on humility as well. They helped me.
http://desteni.org/profile/165/vlog/EHSKrLoiyLM
https://eqafe.com/searches?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=humble

I also haven't listened to this interview https://eqafe.com/p/mind-being-body-kryon, but this point of Being, Mind and Physical, is one that I have not paid attention to, and placed it in the context of my life.
I notice I can't be humble if I am within a reaction. When I am in a reaction, energy builds, and my being is suppressed, and humbleness as an expression as myself as life could only come from my being, not mind. I can see when I am in Ego, and suppressing myself. And I can see when I am not suppressing myself with energy, and when I am here, and allowing me as a being to exist, here, and express and just be.
I can see how I have used excitement to suppress myself, by building the energy within me, and suppressing me, I can see that.
I can see how I have accepted and allowed the belief that excitement is ok, because positivity is ok.
I can see how I have been suppressing myself as humility through generating energy as excitement.
I can see how I have also been using self-pity as an emotion to stay within energy as I attempt to stop excitement.
Self-pity is rather a prominent point within me. How can I have humility while self-pity is here?
Self-pity is an emotion, and it has specific backchats of self-pity. The backchats are about how I don;t know for sure. And I have self-pity for how I don't know for sure, like poor me, I wasn't taught or shown how to do this and I have failed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe, and perceive that I know everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek guidance from somewhere out there, in the mysterious beyond, a greater force or power than myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about other people hearing that I have self-pity within me, and that they will approach me with pity, and tell me how sorry they are for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about what will happen if I open up and share what is really going on within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to close off possibilities, and so deny myself humility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wreak havoc on myself, my world, and the people in my world, because I participated within thinking and the generation of energy, which led to a suppresion of my being as humility, and led to my possession as ego.

When and as I see myself suppressing my being as humility, through energy generated through thinking and participating in the mind- I stop and breathe- I realize thinking and the mind, will push for domination of me, if I allow it- I realize that without energy the control as suppresion of my being, will lessen- I realize that as long as I continue to generate energy as excitement, my being will be suppressed- I realize that as long as I contine to accept and allow myself to participate within energy, of any sort, my being will continue to be suppressed -
I commit myself to create the space for my beingness to step through, by stopping participation in energy, when and as I am aware my being is suppressed by my thinking and participation in energy.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

A quest for humility part 1 day 155


A statement I made today was this. Are you sure you’re the best person to talk about that?
I doubted that person’s ability to speak on the subject based on my past experience with him. I was wrong to do so. That person has much a right to speak on the subject as anyone, yet I denied him that, with my words.
When I said that to him, it was like in my mind, I saw him as being a person that would forever never be trusted or capable to speak on this subject. If I don’t allow trust, or allow the possibility that a person can change, what does that say about me, and how I relate to myself. It says that I have beliefs about myself that say that I will never change certain parts of me, that I would never give up.
 It’s interesting because that phrase, never give up, is something I have lived to an extent, of “never giving up” in the context of a commitment, however, within that context, what I actually do, is like for example, a loveless marriage, where I force myself to stay with a person, “never giving up” on them and the marriage, but really, I am not actually giving it my all, my everything, myself to push the marriage to be the best marriage I can make it. So the “never giving up” applies only to the context of never ending the marriage, instead of what would be the better position of never giving less than my best. Never give up is kind of empty then, or an inferior commitment compared to one that involves giving my best.
 So what is actually going then in my mind with this phrase? That the commitment is there within me to not change, but its interesting to see how, this commitment I have made is not what is best for me, or it is not a commitment to do what is best for me. Within me there is almost like an acceptance, in a form of, “well that’s pointing out the obvious!” in relation to me having a commitment within me to not change, and that this is not best for me. But its strange if I really push myself to see this point, why do I have a commitment within me, like in the loveless marriage example, that is not best for me? I mean a commitment takes work, right? There some effort involve, I mean I do experience that as energy and resistance, but those things do require my active participation.
 Now looking at the belief point; the belief is kind of like a peg in a railroad track. It holds the rails together to the log or piece of wood. Without the belief, it wouldn’t really have a structure, it would fall apart. So as a practical approach for me, I see that I can just focus on identifying the belief, because within doing so I identify the structure, and that will assist me in changing, since right now those beliefs are holding onto the structure of me not changing.
I see it as practical to end the blog here for tonight, and continue this tomorrow night. It will give me chance to digest the practical points raised about me. This will be a slow process because this, from where I stand, is a rather extensive point. I notice now, how the word I, I have a particular reaction to, and how this would tie into the belief about me, not changing, which is obviously a belief about self, and the word I, represents self. Ok, so this seems to be a good seg-way for tomorrow’s blog, and I will continue this next time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me as superior or better than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as better than others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what another person will say, that might be wrong and incorrect, and then I will be forced to answer him, and correct him, in front of him, and causing him to feel embarrassed, and to feel embarrassed myself for causing him to feel embarrassed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what someone else is going to say and worry about what he is going to say, and worry about consequences of what he will say, that will be happening to those who hear him speak, and spread out person to person affecting this whole world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the future as if it is real.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be practical in using the mind’s ability to notice patterns within circumstance, in relation to the principle of cause and effect.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to possible futures, within my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my past, in fear of what the future will bring, because of what I have accessed as my memories of the past.
When and as I see myself reacting to knowing less than another, being told what is right or wrong by another- to breathe – I realize that I don’t know more than another – I realize that I am not more or less capable than another- I realize that others have something to offer based off of their life experience.
I commit myself to listen to others speak.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Open for Business! day 154



Becoming a business man involves whitening my teeth. I didn’t come up with the rules. For some reason white teeth are considered beautiful. Also, yellow teeth are considered ugly. I have yellow teeth. DO I judge my yellow teeth as ugly, no. But I need to whiten my teeth because other people may do so, and have a negative reaction within them, which wouldn’t be conducive to making a sale. So its just part of what I have to do, and it will be worth it!
SO I feel resistance to whitening my teeth. I am already doing it, and even saying that I already feel the guilt. It is as if it is wrong to do stuff to make myself beautiful in the eyes or the minds of others. Like I am being deceptive or manipulative. In reality I recognize yes I am manipulating my physical teeth, because I have an understanding that the majority of people, live according to the good/bad, right/wrong, beautiful/ugly principle, including me evidently. This is why I am doing this process of writing and self-forgiveness. I recognize this has to stop, and who I am has to change. These thought judgments are not best for me.  
Why do I feel guilty? Because I don’t want to be a liar. Because I don’t want to be a manipulator. I want to be honest, and truthful.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that truth and honesty can exist in a world full of manipulators and liars.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see that it is self-honest to support me and others through supporting my business, which I see as does in fact involve changing the human for the better.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that it is dishonest and manipulative to use what other people have decided upon as how they are going to live, which is the good/bad principle. I realize I cannot really manipulate someone if they hadn’t open themselves up to manipulation. So am I really manipulating them, or have they already manipulated themselves?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself through my mind, through thinking and feeling that making me seem attractive in the eyes of others is wrong, which is a thought and emotion pattern which is not best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have manipulated myself to be the best for me, to accept nothing less than the best of me, and for everyone.
When and as I feel guilty that I have done something to make myself “beautiful” which is a concept of the mind, which isn’t real, for the purpose of supporting me– I stop and I breathe- I realize that I need to play in the mind games of the world system, if I am to achieve success, and therefore integrate as part of the system, for the purpose of standing one and equal with and as the world system, so as to change it as I change – I realize that there is no point in resisting doing anything in this world, because anything may in fact be required of me, given the circumstance – I realize that what matters is changing humanity, changing our living situation, something real, and long-lasting, not a band-aid solution- I realize that the mind will never matter, so feeling guilty or good over the mind judgments and thoughts like I am not good enough, or I shouldn’t or should do this, is pointless, as energy is never practical!
I commit myself to do the best for me, because that means doing the best for everyone, because doing the best for me, would mean that best is what is best for all, as there is nothing better than that.
I commit myself to change everything about me that is relevant, especially as it concerns the superficial layer of my physical body, my skin, clothes, hair, make up even, teeth, eyes, odor, nails, feet, shoes, how I talk, walk, stand, where I look, how I move, how I take care of my body muscles and physique, all that so that I can be the best by having the most impact, and being as effective as I can be.
I recognize that our superficial layer of who we are is perhaps less than 1% of the totality of who we are, yet we place such great importance on that over the rest of ourselves. Strange.