“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Becoming Financially independent of my Parents Day 135

So Im 23 years old. I did what the average, or maybe not so average, American young person would think to do, go to college. So I did that. I realized its not all that its cracked up to be. Suffice to say, making money with the intent, starting point of making money, which is within my starting point of what is best for all and so best for me, will accumulate money faster than not having this intent/goal/starting point. Money is not just going to fall into my lap. I need to work at generating it. Someone told me that everyone who has money is a salesman. They have to sell themselves or their product. So im going to go at this full out and see what emerges in this coming year 2014.

So some ideas I have about money are floating around inside of me, so im going to take them out in SF here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that making money is hard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that making money won't require a great deal of movement, because it will, however it doesn't require to be full of resistance.

If I make money then I make money, no resistance or hesistation about it. Money is innocent, it is just there for us to use. It is who we are, what we do with money that can be in a sense be called "good" or "bad" in terms that one is having an effect on this reality. Of course there is no good or bad, there is only the movement of things, however there is something that we have all been participating in, or rather not been participating in, that is moving with the direction and starting point of what is best for all, the best principle possible that can be lived by anyone, that everyone should be able to agree to. So money is necessary, because pretty much anything related to human labor/movement is related to money, at least currently. Its possible, though we are VERY far from it, for people as a collective to move themselves not because of money as a possessive object of desire or hatred, but because of who they are as a living statement that they have made of being what is best for themselves, and so best for all. I realize within writing that, well, that this is what I am busy implementing that starting point, that just with money but with everything. So now it will be with money.
So one secret desire or enjoyment I have with money is like I am being this greedy old man, secretly hoarding or making money without anyone else noticing. Within that there is great excitement. As well as fear of getting caught. And I see an image of someone hunched-backed, old, like ebenezer Scrooge from a Christmas Story, looking around, eyeing around to see if anyone sees him, carrying a smirk on his face. Delighted with himself in a disgusting wonderful way that he enjoys it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to carry this image within me of an old man, hunched back like Ebenezer Scrooge, smirking and smiling to himself at how wonderful it is to be sneaky with money, and made lots of money, without anyone else knowing it, so that he doesn't have to share it with anyone.
Within that I see that I am afraid of other people being sneaky with money and being like this image, hiding money, stealing money from others, and lying about how much money they have. And this is something I have done, to lie ever so slightly about how much money I have in the bank, both in video games and in real life. Within that I see it as unhelpful to effective communication and effective use of the money I have available. Within that too is the fear of spending money, and using it, losing it, and having NOthing. What's interesting is that this leads to a stagnation and unwillingness to risk myself, and so actually prevents making money. Within that fear, I freeze, clog up, and remain frozen- and so this hinders me in my actual physical participation in reality, and so lessens what I am capable of doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to freeze when I feel fear of losing money and having no money, instead of moving myself to make money, and make the money flow to me into my pockets for me to have available for use.

When and as I see myself become stagnated and heavy- I immediately stop and breathe, and pull myself up to move again! If I allow myself to become stagnated and to continue to remain there, I will continue to remain there.

I commit myself to move myself whenever I become stagnated as an emotional experience within me which is not real and not representative of what I am actually physically capable of doing.

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