“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

War: Transforming Inner conflict to absolute standing.

So to place a different perspective on war, to transform it from a point of inner conflict and struggle, to mastery of self-will and dedication to perform one's utmost in the physical. Also, with this determination that was developed through self one gains the capacity to create the world around him. So war can be fought, but of course your starting point determines everything. So if your starting is everyone, all life forms, than you will find a way to ensure all life forms are taken care of and can grow to their utmost. When I speak of wars, I am not only talking of arm conflicts, but of any point that can be called a war. Fighting in conversations, disputes, attacks, legal matters, whatever. There are moments when other human beings are struggling to create the world for their own personal gain at the expense of others, and then we must fight and say no more. This is a decision one takes on as with everything. At the time, everything we buy is already at the expense of another. It is however your starting point that will determine who you are and thus what it is you will do with your money. Money can be used to support life and the expansion of life, therefore money is not evil, nor is it the root of all evil. Our starting points is creating all that we see around us that has become our collective consequence. Together we create reality, so together we can change it, by uniting as one, for all as one. This is what Desteni represents, to be leaders that are competent that are skilled, dedicated, disciplined, and courageous. We each must harness these qualities within us and become what we were born to be, guardians of life.

My Story: I must Stand


I was in my final year of college. I felt nervous about the whole thing. I was mostly nervous about my senior thesis, which is this year long project. I felt nervous about picking the right topic for me. I felt that I had the obligation to do something that was personal. At the same time I felt scared because I was already expecting that the people in my life would not understand why I am picking something so strange or unusual. Why not pick something easy? Why not pick something you know you can finish? Why not pick something that uses the available resources in front of you? Because those things should not ultimately decide what it is I will do. Because the most important thing is picking a topic that I would be glad fighting tooth and nail for, because it has something of value to offer to everyone. And I felt scared, and I knew that it was alright because I was standing up. So I learned to let no one, nothing, not fear or anything define me. That I must define myself until my last breath.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Feelings and reactions to something I read day109

I feel like I have been attacked personally. I feel threatened. I decided to read an article that was posted on BIEN that talked about how ELF was somehow abusing BIG to gain money, among other accusations. I did comment on the article. I felt like a real tightness within me. I remember having this crazy fear that if I read what the Haters say that I would somehow be convinced and turned to the dark side. Of course that is silly, but also a real problem. Because whatever I fear, I actually create for myself in reality. So I will actually allow whatever I read and watch to affect me, no matter the source. So that has to stop, this fear, because I do not want to create myself like that, like an open sponge that will soak and become whatever it touched. Instead I want to stand within a point of oneness and equality, and realize that I am one and equal with the haters. I can see how as the haters there is the fear of the unknown, which I have experienced. I can see how when you become so entangled with energy that you move in a possessed way and when you do this everything becomes unclear to you and you start to believe that what you fear is actually true, so you stop seeing what is reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feal personally attacked when I read an article that done by someone who does not fully understand Desteni, and tries to write about it within a point of fear of the unknown.
When and as i feel personally attacked by what someone says about Desteni- I realize that feeling personally attacked by what someone say when they feel afraid is kind of silly- I realize that I am not Desteni, meaning if something happens with Desteni, it is not happening with my physical body, so feeling personally attacked about something related to Desteni is kind of strange since my body is actually not under threat- I realize that I can't let my choices be defined by what I fear to do, since fear is not a practical consideration but something I have created around a point, which circumvents actual practical considerations in a kind of fuzzy logic based on associated feelings/emotions.

I commit myself to stand and make my decisions free of fear and to read any material written about  Desteni without fear, and to read everything from a practical mindset and not an emotional mindset.

My Story: The Gift You Can Only Give Yourself

My Story: The Gift You Can Only Give Yourself
When I was around 13 years of age, my parents sat me, my brother and sister down and led us within a session of meditation. My parents were really interested in Eckhart Tolle at the time. I, naturally, was interested in Eckhart Tolle as well. My brother and sister did not take to Eckhart Tolle the same way I did. I read his book the Power of Now. One thing I took from my parents and from reading Eckhart Tolle's book was that it was important to stop the mind or to get enlightened. Because the mind or unconsciousness was the cause of human misunderstanding and the self-inflicted harm we do to ourselves. So this was something I kept close to my heart. I took this idea very seriously. I felt out of place from those around me. I felt that no one understood me. In some ways I felt I did not understand myself. I just spoke, and I would search for words within myself, words that sounded right, that when I said them I felt they were the right words I needed to say. I was always searching for guidance from a higher power. Whenever I felt scared I would ask for help to do the right thing from this higher power. I felt I could not know what was right. I felt I needed assurance or confirmation from somewhere deep within me or far outside of me. I was scared to act or do anything, because I knew I had a mind and I was not enlightened and I feared messing things up for myself and for others. I noticed that whenever I had that assurance or guidance it only lasted for a short while. So I guess you could say I never really faced myself, like my fears, head on. It was always a point of diversion or avoidance or asking for help from something that i couldn't control and that I let control me. I felt insufficient and inadequate to deal with my problems. I was at a point, around 18 years of age where I felt like I could not handle my life anymore that I needed to get enlightened now. So I would sit and meditate for many hours, trying to force my thoughts to stop. Every time I had a thought I would feel an ache. I just felt like I couldn't handle it anymore. I had to stop these thoughts. I felt desperate. My body felt like an icy gloom, with like a soft buzzing movement in my muscles. My vision was disoriented, its like all my attention was placed into what was going on within me. I became scared of having any thoughts. It was like a constant presence within me, a waiting for any thought to occur. I just felt bad within me, like I was somehow bad or dirty for having thoughts. Like my thoughts were all to blame for who I am. I treated it like an evil that was separate from me. So during this time, I stumbled upon accidentally on the message of oneness and equality that Desteni shared as a solution and as an explanation for the Human condition, and our relationship to the mind and this planet. So I immediately applied oneness and equality, as a principle in how I related to my mind. The mind is me through and through. And by calling myself evil or nasty things is actually abusing myself. And by being one and equal to the mind, I am actually able to stand with the mind as an equal and direct myself, because I am an equal. And if I try and be more than the mind, I will actually be creating inequality, so I am creating for myself a fear of being less than the mind, and so it becomes a struggle or fight with the mind to be the one on top. The best way then is to stand as an equal with the mind, and stand one with it. By doing so I gain access to the ability to create myself without the previous limits I had throughout my life. So if this principled applied with my mind, I figured it would apply with everything else. And when I applied it globally, meaning I answered the question: what if I stood one and equal with everything and everyone on this planet, what would be the result? I saw that it would be the best life possible that I could live. I felt afraid that other people wouldn't understand what I was saying related to oneness and equality. But I realize now that I am one and equal with and as this fear. I won't know whether people will understand me until I speak, and they tell me that they don't understand me. And then I can speak some more for them to understand me. When I speak now about oneness and equality it is for the listener, it is not for myself anymore. Because what I live now is for myself. I live for myself. Because I can only give myself this gift. I am not able to give it to another. You have to give it to yourself.

Desteni.org (Desteni is a group of people dedicated to supporting themselves and others to investigate the mind and become the living solutions to their lives and the current problems we all face and have created for ourselves)
lite.desteniiproces.com (free guided course on the mind, facing the mind using writing as a tool, and using various tools Desteni has developed and tested over many years that one can apply with oneself free, instantly in real-time, anywhere at any moment.)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Self-forgiveness Day108

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self-forgive in order to feel good, and avoid feeling bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be honest whenever I can be honest without harm or injury to myself.
I fear that my honesty will lead to a limitation of opportunities for me. But I also realize that if I am not honest, what chance do we have to get out of the mess we have made for ourselves?
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see that whatever is the result that is best for all, is worth whatever risks and changes I have to make in how live.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Attention-seeker D107


In some ways I see myself as a lesser man than 12 months ago. I have become more daring and more risking, but these qualities alone mean nothing. I used to judge certain people who we social, smiling all the time, as sort of correct, and who I was as being quiet, which I did not see myself as quiet or that as a problem, but that others saw me as quiet and I saw that that was a problem, because it was a problem to them. SO I have to learn not to take what other people think are problems with me, as a real problem.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on what other people think are a problem for myself and judge that as a good thing.
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what I think other people will have a problem with me, as a problem for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what other people think is a problem for me, that I am quiet, and make that into a problem where I think I the solution would be to become talkative, and social.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the opportunity to explore conversation and communication with other human beings for myself, not because I have to change because I have a problem of being quiet and somehow this will ruin my life and my chance at being happy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give a rat’s ass about my happiness, instead of focusing on what is really helpful and beneficial and supportive to me.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel scared and worried when I am having a conversation with someone and that they may think I am quiet, and that they will have a problem with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with inferiority when I think someone sees me as having a problem of being too quiet, and that I need help.
I realize that I am a real individual and that I am not talkative with everyone or in situation and that who I am usually depends on what the situation is, and I have plenty of practical reasons as well as preferences for when I talk more and when I talk less.
I realize I am not inferior for talking less than others and that talking more does not make you superior to others who talk less.
I realize that talking and sociability is really a personal point for self to explore and create as oneself, and that we humans have abused this point for glory, gain, positive ideas and judgments, all with the futile attempt at generating the cool high positive energy, and to attempt to keep that belief of self through judging others as less, paying the ultimate price of denying who we are from ever being here and actually expressing with others and others one and equal. SO within that I realize its stupid to feel about being quiet, and its also stupid to feel good about being talkative.
I commit myself to stop feeling good when I am in a moment where I talk more or share more than others, and thus within that moment I am receiving attention from others.
I commit myself to feel bad when I am being quiet because I am not receiving attention from others, and I want to receive attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire attention from those around me because I feel good and generate energy when I receive attention, all because of a learned association that pairs generating energy to receive more or less attention than those around you, from those around you, or people that I judge as special like a crush, a parent, a best friend, or a teacher.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not receiving attention from those around me, and to fear receiving less attention than compared to those around.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to receive attention all the time, to receive the most attention than anyone else, especially from people that I presume to love, and that I have associated love to mean attention, where those who love me give me the most attention, and that I have picked girlfriends or crushed based on the attention I have received from them, all because of this association I have given where my parents gave me lots of attention and I assumed this feeling I felt, which was energy, to be what love is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build relationships and friendships based on the principle of whoever gave me the most attention compared to anyone else.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do well in math and other school subjects only because my teacher gave me lots of attention when I answered math or other questions correctly, and I felt special and more loved than the rest of the class.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek this point of feeling special which was an energy, which I also called feeling loved, through seeking attention from the people around me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not simply give myself my full attention in every moment, instead of seeking attention from others in order to validate my existence and purpose of being here, which I judged to be love, which equated energy, which I made into the physical point of receiving attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise all points of communication and relationship in any way with other human beings and with myself by allowing this automation within me of constantly and automatically receiving attention as a point of energy, which I called love, by changing who I am as my behavior to become what I believed would lead to the greatest source of energy, by receiving the greatest amount of attention, which I realize now is determined in my genetics from my parents and their parents before them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing automation to exist within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the point of automatically accepting our genetics and what information or input it provides to us, that it is trying to have us accept and allow as ourselves, to get ourselves programmed as this information, which can take over us in such points as the purpose as to why we are here, which for me was the point of information of to love and be loved by others, and thus love, which was thus a feeling, which I saw and defined, and felt as energy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word love within, as and part of energy, and within, as and a part of feelings, instead of a practical living point of directly giving myself whatever I really in fact physically need to support me, and thus I would say that I am loving myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically program myself as this point of genetics and experience of equating love as energy to this point of receiving attention from others, which seem to be a hardwired point in my biology, which I see as a tremendous limitation, that is to attempt to receive attention from others all the time, instead of being practical and directive with myself to be able to handle whatever situation, which sometimes will require getting the attention from others, and other times it won’t require that at all, even though people may be around.
So from that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fixate and focus on what other people may be thinking of me constantly and in every moment where other people can be seeing me, for the purpose of taking into account what they see so I can then press that point to my advantage in our future relations, so that I can inevitably receive their attention, either through jokes, or commentary, which will eventually lead to the triggering of the feeling of love, which had been defined as energy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly in every moment have a conversation between myself and some imaginary person or voice in the head, because within that I can generate energy since I am make-believing that someone is listening to me, and thus I ma receiving attention and thus I am allowed to generate energy and thus reinforce the point of seeking attention of ears of people to listen to me and agree with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that for the mind it does not care whether people agree or disagree with me, all it wants is attention, so all it needs is for me to get that attention in whatever way possible, which for me will lead to my self-harm and self-sabotage.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not simply stop participating with the mind, by stop listening to the conversation of the mind, stop looking at the images of the mind, because all it wants is for me to participate so that it can get energy, which proves that I have the power and I am the one who is allowing the mind access to the physical, which is the only way it is getting its energy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing m=any point within me where I find energy, or desire, or hope, or want, or lack, or need or despair as it pertains to my mind, and all the content it has collected over the years which it uses as bait to lure me to continue participating as the mind.
I realize that in the end the mind is completely selfish and that it will sacrifice me to complete its goal which is to generate as much energy as possible, because energy is for the mind what it believes it needs to stay alive.
I need to stand and stop all the participation within any point of compromise and automation, habits and addictions, and I need to stand up and be the man I was before, before I had attempted to relate to people more openly and fell into the trap the mind as been laying out for my whole life-time. This is the trap of relationships, where every single person I have ever met, I have used their images, my memories of them to charge this point with energy, where it would seem I am doomed to completely forever search for energy within relationships within attention, within love, changing and evolving everything I am to complete this point to its maximum potential, to achieve the maximum amount of energy. When I tried to break out of this before, the mind threw the negative polarity at me, which for so long I have been aware of and I believe that I would never succumb of fall into any fear of the negative side. Yet I have, which I am beginning to think I missed something. That I either actually allowed myself to participate within a positive point, or I was just simply wrong and never felt the full force of the mind. Because when I do look inside of myself I see loads of energy that are fully charged and connected to the memories that I have come to define myself with, which are, from what I see now, all relationship based, meaning I have come to define myself completely based on those around me. This leads me to ask the bigger question, that If everyone is doing this, then who is actually the one who is deciding everything? It seems to be the mind, which is like saying the pursuit of most energy is defining everyone and everything, which is also like saying, whatever grabs the attention of each human being so that the mind can harness their physical bodies. So what I have been participating in in seeking attention from others, is what exactly the mind is seeking from me, my attention, which if I stop, it seems the whole thing will crumble. Within stopping participating in some thoughts just now, a nerve pain in my right forefinger came, and went. Its as if the mind is trying to scare me and threaten me with pain. SO I will continue to press stopping. I will write more tomorrow.

Friday, October 4, 2013

mONEy mONEy mONEy D106


So one cool opened up today pertaining to money. Everytime you spend money you are supporting someone. And everytime you hoard money, you are denying supporting someone with money. So money is like a support and its cool to realize that when you hire someone to help you out, that you are supporting them with a job and so money, which is a way for the person to now support him/her self. Of course money can be abused to get brainwashing things or support addictions/habits. But regardless some of that money will end up supporting the person’s basic needs. And with that support a person can overcome their addiction with effort and time, because once you have established a addiction, it takes time to get out of it, or learn how to stop. So that is why I support the LIG as a solution to provide everyone with the essential support they need, which without we would be end up in compromising situations. We have a right to live free from this planet and be provided with the things that are provided on the planet. So we give to receive.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the basic life blood that money gives to people, animal and plants.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have used my money to support the LIG, because through supporting the implementation of a system that provides all with the fruits of the earth is the best gift we can give ourselves.
I commit myself to work towards the establishment of a system, be it LIG, BIG, EMC, or EMS, that support and respects life, within that I commit myself to be practical with my approach, yet also willing to take risks in placing myself in the best possible position that I can provide with my life circumstance.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Sharing how I use the physical to support myself to be here. D105


So im going to make this blog about reviewing over a helpful thing that I do to support me to stand and direct myself to not fall into the mind, in moments such as video game playing and porn viewing in moments where it is not appropriate. So just to say it, I bring myself to the physical. To be frank, I rediscovered this point within masturbation. I say rediscovered because I have applied this point before but I had stopped, mainly out of fear of this point that it may have been fake or untrustworthy. So it was the mind convincing me that something that was supporting me was actually bad or harming me. So just to talk about the point of masturbation a bit, to make it an little of an introduction, I have been practicing masturbation as a point of being here with my body and directing and moving myself without image or thoughts. So when I do this the objective is to not be thinking of any man, women, any sexual, nothing. So totally no thought. So what I would sometimes do when their was a thought was to immediately forgive this thought, within the realization/reminder that I do not need this thought to direct me and enjoy myself within masturbation. Because I am simply me, here, moving myself, that’s it. It something so intimate and personal. So, later I would also just say stop and I also applied other things to stop. So like the other night, I had so many thoughts coming, and I just could not take it anymore so I had to find a way to stop, and that was when I remembered and got back to the physical point, or using my physical body as a reference to reality and no thinking. So its like I would stop moving and just focusing totally on my body and have a moment of silence. Once there was silence and there was no thinking I would continue with the masturbation. And I would repeat, as another thought would speak. So if there was anything in my mind at all, I would have to stop it. So after having rediscovered the physical point, of bringing myself here to my physical and you could say physical reality, because I would actually perceive more, or shall I say, perceive what is here, like the sounds outside my window, the sound of my breathing etc… Everything, touch, sound, pressure, you name it. SO when I have been bringing myself to the physical, I notice I could stand up, and not think a certain thought, like stop participating or allowing a thought or reaction to move me. So when earlier today for example I had a thought about two people I met while I was having a conversation with them, and I felt a sort of insecurity in speaking, I brought my awareness to the physical point and I reminded myself, well duh of course I can speak. So I then disregarded the thought as irrelevant and even just a plain lie. So yeah, Im pretty sure this physical point can work with any mind thing, and its really about honesty, that’s it, nothing special. Because its just about knowing what’s real, which is what is here, and you see it or test it for yourself. Good luck.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard this physical body and reality, and so disregard myself as this body and as this physical reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing any separation from the physical.
I commit myself to always be here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the mind as this big scary thing that I need to get rid of because its evil.
I commit myself to use the mind as a tool and support for myself.
I commit myself to use the physical as a tool and support for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how the actual physical processes of the mind, that are used through space and time, i.e. memory, are physical processes that are measurable in the brain and thus can be directed by me as an expression of myself. So in this way the observable mind is physical, and thus can be directed.

I commit myself to direct the mind fully to serve the point of what is best for all, or the interests of everyone as what is best for ourselves as everyone/thing.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Reacting to the sound of someone's voice D104


I am writing now, even though I feel tired, and I had a long day. I will be waking up early tomorrow, but I wanted to spend at least 15min writing. So if I do some self-introspection. One thing that was interesting for me was how I had reacted with a smile and a sort of warmth in my heart sort of feeling when my aunt was saying how my cousin loved me. For me I notice one prominent thing I reacted to was the sound of my aunt’s voice, which was high pitched. I can imagine if it were low pitched that it would have much less of an effect, at least that it was it would appear to me when I take on this possible moment. I also notice that if I were to imagine it to be a guy, like if my aunt was a guy, that I would react more if she/he would speak in a deeper voice. Like if he.she would be speaking slowly, but confidently or dramatic. So I would to summarize this as reacting to my own learned associations to some sets of voices and sounds, like male and females, and high and low pitches. And each set has a sort of different reaction that I have attached to it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach to a female voice being high, with fuzzy love like feelings of warmth and happiness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach to a male voice being deep with a very attentive and sort of awe stricken feeling.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach to a female voice being deep, a sort of fearful reaction, where I fear her being angry with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach to a male voice being high, an annoying reaction where I feel annoyed, and think of them as geeky or maybe gay.
I commit myself to not react to a person based upon the pitch or sex of their voice.
I commit myself to command  myself and direct myself entirely as the physical and to not be moved by any point, where only I move me.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Betterment D103


I feel inadequate. I feel not good enough. This is what I feel when I think about writing today for my JTL blog. Its the end of the day now. I was painting my aunt’s old house, which will now be rented. I am helping to paint it which is more because it’s a family favor. They could pay someone to do the work, but they say they don’t have money. When I look at what they spend sometimes, to me they seem to have money. It seems to me that everyone is very greedy and willing to abuse others to have the most money, even if its very little. I wouldn’t paint it for money, I wouldn’t paint it all, especially if they would have the money. Of course my family, like what seems like everyone else, has a large debt. All because of stupid selfish reasons. Many americans are stupid, and waste so much money. I mean they waste their lives away too with other things, which they buy with money, like relationships, vacations to Disney World, or music, parties, dances, clubs, strip clubs, cars, you name it. Then they end up in debt. And they call that living. Great. Instead of spending money on life, on things like supporting someone while they paint your house, they blow it on useless crap, and then I have to pick up the pieces. Well I don’t have to. I know its not all bad, because I do receive benefits or perks from having my family. It’s the way to survive in this system, right? Im just saying that we can be different and it does start with us, and how we relate to things, such as money. One reason why people think that giving money to the poor as to support them wouldn’t work, because they know that through their past experiences they have blown away money, and get excited or energetic with having money and spend it on useless crap. How will we change this point in the human? To not spend money on useless crap, but first spend it on supportive things, that support life? There are already counselors that dedicate their lives to work with people to be financially responsible in this system. Perhaps something like this could be used? Something personal needs to happen that get up in the face of people to really nail them in this point of spending to support life, which is a responsible thing. How do we teach responsibility. I always admired my teachers, and considered things from their perspectives, so when I behaved in class it was for them, to support them. I listened to them and gave them a chance to speak to really try and understand what the hell they are saying. I sometimes felt shocked when the teacher did not understand me when I tried to explain myself. And for me that has been frustrating too. Because I can try really hard to understand others, but it seems no one else is trying to understand me, when I spoke. I sort of feel like there is this point of shock like there is a clamp over my throat. Where I gave up speaking. But I also see this great urge for me to speak, for others to hear me and understand me, that I will do anything to do this. So I am wondering if this is a polarity of some sort, that is being fueled at both ends. What is me, who am I in this? I am not a person for giving up. So I will constantly try and communicate in different ways if I have to to try and communicate with someone if they are not understanding what I am saying. I know it is possible to listen if you try. But if you try not to listen, do you still not hear? Or do you still hear, but are trying to ignore or suppress it? I think it’s the latter, which for me shows the power of speech and also the power that standing up and speaking has. If for example there was never any Desteni videos, I would not have changed the way I did. Similarly if I don’t speak, I miss opportunities to influence or help or whatever, provide the same kind of assistance I received to others. So that’s why I speak, its just who I am, who I choose to be. And it IS for others and Myself. We’re the same you know?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not speak because I was afraid that I would not be understood by others.
I commit myself to speak freely and openly according to my self-direction and assessment of the moment and what is relevant here, which can be surprising.
I commit myself to find solutions that support the betterment of the human.
I see that getting into people’s faces is a cool way to promote a change in the human since we are constantly bombarded by words and images all the time, and we adjust and change who we are according to what we see or hear. SO it really is a process of 1+1=2  Since it will take each one of us to individually stand up, and as we stand up, more will stand up. Its just how it works. We are always influencing this reality, and being influenced. SO lets be the influence that supports standing up and standing as life as everyone and everything, for a life worthy of us.