The Self is the key. You are the key. If you want to make things better, focus on yourself. Do you have a relationship with yourself? Are you able to hold yourself and know yourself? Do you know what you are feeling? Do you know what you are thinking? Are you here with yourself? Do you Know yourself?

Self is the Key. You are the Key. You have the power. You are the power. You need to know the power. You need to know yourself. You need to know who you are right now in this moment in what you are thinking and feeling. And you need to start stopping whatever it is that is not best for you. You need to start stopping that which is harmful to Life.

Be the Self that is Free from all limitation, pain, abuse, destruction, and full of creation, ability, and potential. You start becoming through self-forgiveness.

Would you like to have a relationship with Your self?

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Self-consciousness Series P1

Note: I wrote this on Wednesday December 11, 2013, Im posting it today, and writing another post for today.
It seems unacceptable to me to allow certain thoughts about how I look or who I am, which I make from Another person's perspective. So this is the topic of feeling self-conscious and thinking about what others could be thinking about you.

Memory
It was orientation week in my college. On one of those days, I was meeting our Odyssey group with whom I would do volunteer work. So were told to form a circle and to step inside the circle if the counselor in the middle asked us a question that would apply to us. So he asked various questions. So on one question, one of the last, he asked us whether we felt nervous being in a new college. Everyone stepped in the circle except me. In that moment that he asked that question, I looked inside myself and I felt excited, not nervous. However in that moment, where I did feel nervous in not stepping in, yet at the same time happy because I was honest in my response, a guy next to me, an upperclassmen that was serving as a guide for the Odyssey whispered to my ear that I was an Asshole. In that moment I took it very personal, and felt withdrawn now inside myself, and in a way scared to tell the truth about how I am. I questioned myself whether I was lying and maybe I felt nervous and not scared. I questioned myself whether I just wanted to appear cool or better than everyone else.
LINKED Memory
I was attending the orientation night at my new high school. I was transferring to a new high school, and my brother was entering the same high school for his first year. We were accompanied by our mother and for part of the night we were seated in the gym for a presentation. I remember feeling happy, and liking the presentation and also being surrounded by all of these people. My brother said to me in one moment that I thought I was better than everyone else there. I know I was not thinking that or feeling that. I know that I was smiling softly. I know that my brother can't read my thoughts. So I was looking for an explanation, and I also feared actually maybe being what my brother said, which he said it as a bad thing, and even I judge people who think they are better than others as something bad, both for the individual person himself and for others as well.

Review
So both of my memories show me that I take what others say, and in these cases the negative things, as true. Like instantly in one moment, having this fear that maybe without me knowing, without me being aware, that I can be something that I really do not want to be. Before these moments where I was told by someone else, who I am according to these persons, I felt fine, ok. I felt comfortable in who I am and in how I was living. When they told me this, and for many years after, I feared I could be these things, even without me meaning to, even without my awareness. It seems ridiculous now that I have written this down, that my only source for this fear was based on what another person said to me. Because this is not really evidence. The evidence for who I am, is found in who I am, which only I have direct access to. Not someone else, who looks what I say or do for ONE MOMENT, ONE MOMENT. I mean that's ridiculous. I can't even, nor would I accept myself to say anything about a person, from one thing, one moment for how they were or acted. So I shouldn't accept the same for myself. I should rather treat myself the same way that I treat others.

Forgiveness and Correction in my Behavior
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the moment when this upperclassman told me that I was an asshole- to immediately react and assume it was because I did not step into the circle, instead of realizing and understanding that within each one of us, including this person, that we have a network of mind systems that together with our input from the surrounding environment, dictates who we are and how we act, and thus allows for abusive and non-supportive acts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how I acted was just a single piece of information, that could potentially serve as a trigger for all the mind systems, and so each person or any person that still has mind systems will/can use my actions as a trigger to then act or do things, which can include a verbal attack, and not really a useful piece of information, or helpful, or informative, or even a point of communication from one being to another. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take the perspective of the other being and thus really see how perhaps he is not really in control of his own actions, otherwise he would not be placing such useless and unsupportive information such as "Your an Asshole" which is not a statement done in terms of showing one's willingness to walk with another being.

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