“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Friday, December 6, 2013

Follow up from yesterday & opening up a point of Fear

Ok so in my last post I made it clear what I was doing, so stopping any movement within me, which is not me directing it. So I have been applying this for the past 24-ish hours. So while I was applying it I had great success. And I have been able to sit with the reactions I have been having and simply be here with them, which already has become a point of release or stability, Im not sure how to describe it. Though I have to walk this each time with each set of thoughts I have. So with a new set of thoughts, by new I mean thoughts I have not yet sat with and walk with yet, it is that exact point of not having walked it yet, so it is that point of separation that makes it seems so big, but when I stop and walk with those thoughts, then everything is cool. So like right now for example when going to bed to go to sleep, there was a set I thoughts I had, which I did not stand one and equal to, and walk with, so it became overwhelming and I allowed it to direct me. I at some point took practical action of living how I want to live and not how I am thinking. One set of thoughts I have has been placed with the voice/memory of a particular being, which is already separation. So that's what I can walk now, as an example and same time support, since it is what I practically walk with each thought, so let's walk it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place a thought within the voice, or frame of reference of any being/person that I have encountered in my life, and so hold a recollection of.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take a memory of a person and place that within a thought as if the thought is speaking to me as this person, when it is of course not, its just a memory or imagination.
I realize now that we are all crazy because we do this all the time, and we act as if our thoughts are real and it is really this person that is talking with us, and we call that normal.
I realize now that parents all indoctrinate their children with their voices, and thus with the information stored/saved as memories, which become living memories as voices in the head as children, which end up being the support that children use, however, as my experience has shown to me, this is a paranoia and limitation, since the point of the physical is not the starting point of thought, since the starting point of all thought is self-interest of the thought, or interest of thought's survival.
Thus, there can never be a resolution or compromise with a point that does not take the interest of all, which includes the physical, which is what is real, not thought, which is only a point of information in relation to what is practical or not.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see it as ok and acceptable to keep thinking, when I really don't see it as ok, so in essence I have been accepting lies and things which I have been against, as thought within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up for once and for all, and take directive power and responsibility to live, every part of me, and every aspect of life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of excuses and accept excuses as ok, when there is no excuse or justification to what is happening on earth right now, or what is happening within us, which we are accepting and allowing. There is none.

So I realize I have only been waiting for me to stand up, for me to act. So in that sense we are perfect because we have the capability to correct our messes, to take responsibility for what we do, and how we live. We just need to live it, which would make it real, no? Living it?

So one constant fear I have is people taking what I say and reading something or perceiving something which is not what I meant. Particularly people getting hostile or angry or confused with what I said and then ignore me degrade me in value in their minds. And that's not something I can control, what people think. Heck, people in general can't control their own thoughts, haha. I mean look at me. So I really shouldn't be worried so much on what other people think of me, but more so the lack of responsibility and forgiveness in changing our thoughts and standing up together. So its never been about just me or just them; its always been about all of us, and our relationship to our individual thought, words and mind in total. To everything, really.
TBC.......

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