“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Day124 -Needing, desiring, wanting to feel something

Feeling excited when I accomplish something. Needing, desiring, wanting to feel something.

Why can't I just do what I need to do? Why do I have to feel excited when I accompish something? Why do I need, want, and desire to feel something, and thus to then go after to accomplish something, since I feel excited by doing so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel excited when I accomplish something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need, desire and want to feel something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go after/ move myself, to accomplish something because I feel excited by doing so, and I have accepted and allowed the need, want and desire to feel something.

I accomplished sending a package in the mail today. I felt the need, want and desire to do so. I did not understand why in the moment it happened. With the need, want and desire, in that moment before I accomplished it and I was thinking of accomplishing it, I felt empty. Later when it was done, I felt full. This is not necessary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel lacking, to feel empty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel full, when I accomplished the thought of sending the package, and thus completed the cycle of the initial thought that led to the initial emptiness and lacking experience within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move according to thought.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about sending the package, and therefore receiving refunded money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach energy to money, within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need, want and desire money, within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the refunded money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire, want and need to have the refunded money. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear feeling lack and emptiness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the opportunity to experience fullness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire, need and want to avoid feeling empty and lacking. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire, want and need to feel full.
When and as I feel empty and lacking within and as myself, while having a thought about something to do or accomplish- i stop and I breathe- I realize that if I accept and allow myself to participate in this thought, I will be moving according to the mind, and thus be an outflow, and thus lead to consequence- I realize that by participating as the emotion known as emptiness and that of lacking, I am charging and validating the thought of doing something or accomplishing something, and thus I am participating one and equal with and as the thought and energy- I realize I will be more productive and more efficient if I were to direct myself and to manage my time, than if I were to think and follow thoughts about what I should/could be doing/accomplishing. 
I commit myself to manage my time so I can be productive and efficient.
When and as I feel full when i have completed a need/want/desire to do something or accomplish something- I stop and I breathe- I realize that the energy as the experience as fullness is killing me - I realize that I do not need to experience fullness- I realize I can only be experiencing fullness, if I have been experience lack and emptiness- I realize that feeling full is not a solution or answer for feeling emptiness and lacking within and as me- I realize that moving to accomplish a need/want/desire will not rid or end the experience of emptiness and lacking for good, as it is a cycle, and it starts firstly with my participation in the thought of desiring/wanting/needing something and participating in the experience of lack and emptiness. I realize that to end lack and emptiness, I need to end the experience of lack and emptiness, by stop participating within and as it, as myself, and by stopping participating within the thought and thinking of desiring/wanting/needing to accomplish/do something.

No comments:

Post a Comment