“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Sunday, October 27, 2013

My Story: The Gift You Can Only Give Yourself

My Story: The Gift You Can Only Give Yourself
When I was around 13 years of age, my parents sat me, my brother and sister down and led us within a session of meditation. My parents were really interested in Eckhart Tolle at the time. I, naturally, was interested in Eckhart Tolle as well. My brother and sister did not take to Eckhart Tolle the same way I did. I read his book the Power of Now. One thing I took from my parents and from reading Eckhart Tolle's book was that it was important to stop the mind or to get enlightened. Because the mind or unconsciousness was the cause of human misunderstanding and the self-inflicted harm we do to ourselves. So this was something I kept close to my heart. I took this idea very seriously. I felt out of place from those around me. I felt that no one understood me. In some ways I felt I did not understand myself. I just spoke, and I would search for words within myself, words that sounded right, that when I said them I felt they were the right words I needed to say. I was always searching for guidance from a higher power. Whenever I felt scared I would ask for help to do the right thing from this higher power. I felt I could not know what was right. I felt I needed assurance or confirmation from somewhere deep within me or far outside of me. I was scared to act or do anything, because I knew I had a mind and I was not enlightened and I feared messing things up for myself and for others. I noticed that whenever I had that assurance or guidance it only lasted for a short while. So I guess you could say I never really faced myself, like my fears, head on. It was always a point of diversion or avoidance or asking for help from something that i couldn't control and that I let control me. I felt insufficient and inadequate to deal with my problems. I was at a point, around 18 years of age where I felt like I could not handle my life anymore that I needed to get enlightened now. So I would sit and meditate for many hours, trying to force my thoughts to stop. Every time I had a thought I would feel an ache. I just felt like I couldn't handle it anymore. I had to stop these thoughts. I felt desperate. My body felt like an icy gloom, with like a soft buzzing movement in my muscles. My vision was disoriented, its like all my attention was placed into what was going on within me. I became scared of having any thoughts. It was like a constant presence within me, a waiting for any thought to occur. I just felt bad within me, like I was somehow bad or dirty for having thoughts. Like my thoughts were all to blame for who I am. I treated it like an evil that was separate from me. So during this time, I stumbled upon accidentally on the message of oneness and equality that Desteni shared as a solution and as an explanation for the Human condition, and our relationship to the mind and this planet. So I immediately applied oneness and equality, as a principle in how I related to my mind. The mind is me through and through. And by calling myself evil or nasty things is actually abusing myself. And by being one and equal to the mind, I am actually able to stand with the mind as an equal and direct myself, because I am an equal. And if I try and be more than the mind, I will actually be creating inequality, so I am creating for myself a fear of being less than the mind, and so it becomes a struggle or fight with the mind to be the one on top. The best way then is to stand as an equal with the mind, and stand one with it. By doing so I gain access to the ability to create myself without the previous limits I had throughout my life. So if this principled applied with my mind, I figured it would apply with everything else. And when I applied it globally, meaning I answered the question: what if I stood one and equal with everything and everyone on this planet, what would be the result? I saw that it would be the best life possible that I could live. I felt afraid that other people wouldn't understand what I was saying related to oneness and equality. But I realize now that I am one and equal with and as this fear. I won't know whether people will understand me until I speak, and they tell me that they don't understand me. And then I can speak some more for them to understand me. When I speak now about oneness and equality it is for the listener, it is not for myself anymore. Because what I live now is for myself. I live for myself. Because I can only give myself this gift. I am not able to give it to another. You have to give it to yourself.

Desteni.org (Desteni is a group of people dedicated to supporting themselves and others to investigate the mind and become the living solutions to their lives and the current problems we all face and have created for ourselves)
lite.desteniiproces.com (free guided course on the mind, facing the mind using writing as a tool, and using various tools Desteni has developed and tested over many years that one can apply with oneself free, instantly in real-time, anywhere at any moment.)

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