“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Betterment D103


I feel inadequate. I feel not good enough. This is what I feel when I think about writing today for my JTL blog. Its the end of the day now. I was painting my aunt’s old house, which will now be rented. I am helping to paint it which is more because it’s a family favor. They could pay someone to do the work, but they say they don’t have money. When I look at what they spend sometimes, to me they seem to have money. It seems to me that everyone is very greedy and willing to abuse others to have the most money, even if its very little. I wouldn’t paint it for money, I wouldn’t paint it all, especially if they would have the money. Of course my family, like what seems like everyone else, has a large debt. All because of stupid selfish reasons. Many americans are stupid, and waste so much money. I mean they waste their lives away too with other things, which they buy with money, like relationships, vacations to Disney World, or music, parties, dances, clubs, strip clubs, cars, you name it. Then they end up in debt. And they call that living. Great. Instead of spending money on life, on things like supporting someone while they paint your house, they blow it on useless crap, and then I have to pick up the pieces. Well I don’t have to. I know its not all bad, because I do receive benefits or perks from having my family. It’s the way to survive in this system, right? Im just saying that we can be different and it does start with us, and how we relate to things, such as money. One reason why people think that giving money to the poor as to support them wouldn’t work, because they know that through their past experiences they have blown away money, and get excited or energetic with having money and spend it on useless crap. How will we change this point in the human? To not spend money on useless crap, but first spend it on supportive things, that support life? There are already counselors that dedicate their lives to work with people to be financially responsible in this system. Perhaps something like this could be used? Something personal needs to happen that get up in the face of people to really nail them in this point of spending to support life, which is a responsible thing. How do we teach responsibility. I always admired my teachers, and considered things from their perspectives, so when I behaved in class it was for them, to support them. I listened to them and gave them a chance to speak to really try and understand what the hell they are saying. I sometimes felt shocked when the teacher did not understand me when I tried to explain myself. And for me that has been frustrating too. Because I can try really hard to understand others, but it seems no one else is trying to understand me, when I spoke. I sort of feel like there is this point of shock like there is a clamp over my throat. Where I gave up speaking. But I also see this great urge for me to speak, for others to hear me and understand me, that I will do anything to do this. So I am wondering if this is a polarity of some sort, that is being fueled at both ends. What is me, who am I in this? I am not a person for giving up. So I will constantly try and communicate in different ways if I have to to try and communicate with someone if they are not understanding what I am saying. I know it is possible to listen if you try. But if you try not to listen, do you still not hear? Or do you still hear, but are trying to ignore or suppress it? I think it’s the latter, which for me shows the power of speech and also the power that standing up and speaking has. If for example there was never any Desteni videos, I would not have changed the way I did. Similarly if I don’t speak, I miss opportunities to influence or help or whatever, provide the same kind of assistance I received to others. So that’s why I speak, its just who I am, who I choose to be. And it IS for others and Myself. We’re the same you know?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not speak because I was afraid that I would not be understood by others.
I commit myself to speak freely and openly according to my self-direction and assessment of the moment and what is relevant here, which can be surprising.
I commit myself to find solutions that support the betterment of the human.
I see that getting into people’s faces is a cool way to promote a change in the human since we are constantly bombarded by words and images all the time, and we adjust and change who we are according to what we see or hear. SO it really is a process of 1+1=2  Since it will take each one of us to individually stand up, and as we stand up, more will stand up. Its just how it works. We are always influencing this reality, and being influenced. SO lets be the influence that supports standing up and standing as life as everyone and everything, for a life worthy of us.

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