“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

To Love -D99

During the last 2 days I have been exploring some points within myself. I decided to start over and give myself a do over with myself. To start from scratch. So Im no longer accepting any thought as valid. So I bring this up because I am looking now at the point of morality and how this has served me, and how it is proving very useful to me. Now, in my mind, and perhaps in the mind of all men, there are certain things, which we may judge as Ok, or acceptable. Porn could be one of those points. For me, I can't explain it in any other way, but porn is unacceptable because of the message you are giving for seeing women and men as inferior, and as less than who they really are. We are not images, we are more than just that. So there is something wrong within reacting to the image of the women and seeing just the image and nothing else. The same goes for men. So, from the point of view of the mind, there is nothing wrong, because no one is getting physically hurt. But I know something harmful is happening more in the person themselves, where there is a limitation that is being accepted and allowed. So I can't explain this as so much rationality but in morality. But these are just labels, and anyone who is reading this is able to understand what I mean. I can explain it in so many ways. Like how the morality we have that we speak about, is not a problem, but the fact that we are not owning up to our words. That we know what is good and bad, and what we should do and shouldn't do. That we know what is righteous, and we know what is humble. We just have to live up to the ideals we know that we want ourselves to live. I think we all know this already, but there are some things that we have accepted and allowed, like excuses. Because we know we are capable of everything, and that we can find a way to do anything. And if we can't then we can't. But at least we went through that process of investigation. So I have to place trust back in myself, in what I am capable of. I sometimes feel like a mad man, because I am making these claims and I am not really placing an arguement for them, Im just saying them, and I feel good within saying them, but feel a great turmoil in saying them, but more from how I feel good, and powerful. If that makes sense. I don't care about being good and powerful, but I am feeling good and powerful within what I am saying. I do want to be good and powerful but for my own sake, not for what others will think of me. And I am not sure whether to trust whether I am telling the truth, but I realize it may be just as simple as accepting this and just living it. That this is who I am, this is who I want to be, and this is how I will attempt to live, and if I fail it will be due to my effort, nothing less. Within that I find peace, even though I still feel a resisting energy within me, I am no longer worried or lost or confused about who I am. I can just stop and start anew. I can ignore any thought and not follow it. I can look inside myself and see what reactions I have within me. And I can feel good about that, and live like that. That is why, all answers man have ever asked about why we are here, what are we doing, has already been answered, and we know all the answers already. We just have to live the answers now. Messages like love or good, have to be taken to reality, to the practical physical level. Then we would be living the answer. Take any system of righteousness or goodness, and extend them to the real deal, you end up with the same message. One message. Its the perfect message, because it includes everyone. No one is left out. And all is considered with the highest regard, and all is no less or better than each other. The only thing left is to live in physical reality. For me it is a battle to speak these words. Because I know what speaking these words might lead to. That is also why I speak these words. It was never about feeling good, but doing what I know is right. And with that I find peace with myself. And I am willing to do anything. I know I cannot trust the mind because the mind isn't me. It doesn't care about the same things I care about. The mind is my mistake, my creation, and I need to correct that. The mind has to become me, what I am standing as right now. And to do that I need to be steadfast and unshakable. To never quit, to always insist in doing what is right as what is best for all. That's what I have to do, otherwise I couldn't live with myself. And I haven't been able to live with myself this past year, when I knew this very exact thing I am telling you, yet I was not living it or even trying to live it. I was stupid. I was in the moment of absolute pressure from the mind, and I fold. I was here writing blogs like this one and I was sharing my point of view, and it was very tough within me to do so. I kept thinking to myself, what if I am wrong, what if I am missing something. And then I took the wrong turn. I thought that maybe what I was feeling was telling me something about what I am saying, that what I am saying is wrong, that what I am living is wrong. But that's how the mind work. I mean that's how the mind always has worked. Through tricks and deception. Through hopelessness and hope. Through reward and punishment. Through doubt and faith. That point of maybe, just maybe, I might be wrong about everything, and I in fact know nothing at all. Yeah, so the mind could be right, but until I hear otherwise, or see something RELIABLE I continue to trust what I know is reliable, which is me, what I am standing as, and what I am trying to live as myself, as the best message possible that humanity has. So this may seem redundant, but trust what is trustworthy, DO NOT misplace your trust. And you know what is trustworthy already. Just look and see. Relax, breathe, be here and see for yourself.

I forgive myself for quiting.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to throw away everything that I ever cared about because I might have been mistaken to trust in it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing doubt and faith.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear and trust.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anything other than what is physically here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let go of the potential of all humans to love in the physical sense, to provide all with the support that we all need.

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