“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Self-Belief D93


There comes a point where you just have to believe in yourself. I face this point now. It opened up in a moment where I was being aware of my body while pointing out what was the mind and what was me. The question came up how I knew what was the mind and what was me. I considered whether it was self-honesty, and I said no. That it was more of a point that I just know it. Sort of like faith. And this scares me a bit from the perspective that abuse is so easy. That I can say or another can say that they are stopping the mind or whatever and it isn’t true. But at the same time, you already know what is truth of what is going on in the moment. So I just have to believe in me that I am capable of knowing and just do it, with no hesitations or regrets.
             For a long time faith has been used to abuse, which occurs through its starting point of separation. At least that is what I have understood. Where faith has in the past been place in unknowable things or things you cannot trust, like God or in a feeling. But what if we place trust in ourselves? When I tried this I saw that it was cool to believe in myself or have self-belief. So let me explain this what this means to me. It means that whatever may come my way, even something with which I have no experience, even something or someone new, or something unfamiliar, I can face it and direct the situation, doing what must be done, because its me and I know me, and I am willing to even give my life and whatever it takes if the situation demands it. Its something I can’t fully explain, because the point is that it is me. I already know what to do, I know enough. I must simply give it all I got, make sense? Within doing so I know I can live without regret, no matter the outcome.  I know I can grow, change, and acquire new knowledge. I know I can adapt and adjust according to what is here. I know I can be right about everything and wrong about everything. I know that this does not matter because I have myself. So I have faith in me: what I am capable of. And with that I feel strong when I am moving myself or place myself in preparation to move. I feel my blood surging and my focus growing, because I know I can direct this and this is me, this physical whole. And I sort of see how silly the mind’s control of the physical is, because I can direct me. So with believing in myself I open the door to seeing what is here and being able to direct what is here. So its also kind of like a faith in my ability to direct, which is not a blind faith, but a faith that also has self-honesty backing it up.
As a side note as I wrap up this blog, I will write more on such words as belief, like love, and how we can use it to support ourselves and stand as that and so becoming stronger, or more of ourselves here, if that makes sense.  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up/quit on myself or let myself down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand strong with myself forever/infinitely, never giving up, never giving in, recognizing that this point of self is not a thought, cannot be deleted, and it is aware, it is me, the only one that is capable of self-directing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear deceiving myself and not having control of myself.
When and as I see myself fear self-deception or lack of control- I stop and I breathe- I realize that control is an illusion- I realize that only I can deceive myself and I can see when I am deceiving myself, I already know it! – I realize I need to have faith in me.
I commit myself to have faith in me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear things in my reality, and so lose an opportunity to learn something new about me, about reality, or both.   
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having desires.
When and as I see myself fear having desires- I stop and I breathe- I realize that desires do not define me, but I define myself through desires and I can define myself as what is best for all through desires- I realize that wants or desires can serve as part of the solution –
I commit myself to define desires that are best for all life.

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