“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Practicality and Myself day 68

In general, I have not been expressing myself clearly with my words. I feel afraid of writing and speaking clearly.
I also am afraid of knowing why I feel afraid of writing and speaking clearly.

I am afraid of writing and speaking clearly because I would have consider the perspectives of others. In doing so, I would no longer be able to stay in my little bubble. I would have to actually consider each person in the world as an equal. I would no longer be the king/god. I would be equal.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize I am the thoughts I accept and allow.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be practical and realize that the process of stopping the mind takes time and it won't happen in an instant.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing relationships as the result of what I say or write, within this realizing that what I say and write should consider practical reality and what would assist and support myself as well as others, as who we are as one and equal as these physical forms.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to as the default not speak or write clearly at all, and so by default, not be here at all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider the starting point of the other person I am communicating with; what is their hi-story, experience, their vocabulary, their position, status, personality, age; how do they interact with me; what are my goals; what would be supportive to myself and/or to them.

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I fear losing my opportunity of doing well in school. I want to succeed and do well. I believe I need to dedicate myself 24/7 to my school work. I felt afraid of not being able to handle both Desteni and my school work. I was afraid of appearing weak. I wanted to do both. I made the choice to try and do both, and consider both equally valuable. However, this is not practical. My school work must come first. I must take care of myself first. I cannot simply sacrifice myself and expect a good outcome.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent my situation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be absent from where I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to kill myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore who I am here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore our limitations as physical beings, instead of embracing our limitations, working with them and create what is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore practicality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek greatness in the opinions of others instead of in who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see greatness as more than who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stick to the practicality of this reality, where honesty determines whether we stand or fall.

Learning, growth, and change takes time. 

I commit myself to readjust my life so that it revolves around my primary responsibility, "me", making sure I am taken care of. This includes sitting well, using my time efficiently, supporting the body with breathing well, eating well, resting well, moving well, seeing well, drinking well, stretching well, cleaning myself well, working well, doing my best job on everything that has my name attached to it, studying well, reading well, writing well, speaking well, listening well, exercising well, presenting myself well, learning well, expressing well, explaining well, describing well, observing well, participating well, asking questions well, being present/here, communicating well, taking the perspectives of others well, valuing myself, taking pride in my work, applying knowledge well, estimating well, predicting well, applying critical thinking well, inducing well, deducing well, testing predictions well, tasting well, smelling well, touching well, using my imagination well, using words well, speak self-forgiveness self-honestly and actually forgive myself and feel forgiven.

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