“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Looking in a young woman's eyes day76

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I was walking to the cashier line. A young woman was in line waiting to pay for her food. She was looking at me. I looked back. For a moment we looked at each other. She then turned away. I built the expectation that she was now interested in me, because I showed interest in her. So I expected that she might look at me again. She was finishing paying her things, meaning that she would soon leave. I kept my face away, so as to not appear to be looking. I was looking out of the corner of my eye. I did not see anything that indicated that she looked. I felt nervous. I see a fear of loss, of trying to get a relationship and it not working out, and I am there standing alone looking like a loser.. A picture of myself looking sad standing in a dark space, I look moppy. A song places “Im a freak, Im a weirdo…”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect that because the young woman was looking at me, that must mean she was interested in me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach the picture of the young woman in a wedding dress with church bells going off, and white flower petals flying in the air to the words “the young woman was looking at me”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the picture of the young woman in a wedding dress with church bells going off, and white flower petals flying in the air with the energy known as nervousness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the picture of the young woman in a wedding dress with church bells going off, and white flower petals flying in the air with the energy known as love. 


When and as I see a young woman looking at me and I feel nervous/love as energy, I stop and I breathe – I realize that if a woman/someone looks at me that I can smile.

I commit myself to smile when I am looking into the eyes of a person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when I look at a young woman that it means that I am communicating sexual interest in her to her.

When and as I see a someone looking at me- I stop and I breath- I realize that someone staring right at you does not mean they are interested in sex or in a relationship with you, instead they are just looking at you- similarly, I realize, when I look at someone it does not mean I am saying I am interested in sex or a relationship with that person, even though the other person may think so, this is not what I am communicating, I am simply looking at another person.
 I commit myself to look at people in the eyes.
I commit myself to look at peoples faces.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing being the one that is asked to be in the relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being rejected when I communicate that I would like to form a relationship with another being (agreement).
I forgive myself
 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a picture of myself looking sad standing in a dark space, and looking moppy, to seeing if a girl is interested in me, when it turns out she wasn’t.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the picture of myself looking sad standing in a dark space, and looking moppy with nervousness.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the picture of myself looking sad standing in a dark space, and looking moppy to the song “Im a freak, Im a weirdo…”


~~~~~~~~~~~~
Word: Female
-sexy
 hot
-good looking
-a tease
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word  ‘sexy’ to the word Female.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘hot’ to the word Female.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words ‘good looking’ to the word ‘female’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words ‘a tease’ to the word female.  
 

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