“…simply make things better for someone else, as if I were to be born again, and that someone else, and it doesn't have to be me, but it could be someone like me, that they would have a better life than I had, that everyone was better. There is something seriously wrong with everyone, and that is something I observed when I was very young. We are the problem, and we need to become better, because we are fucking everything up.”
“So this is who I am. There is something seriously wrong with everyone and we need to fix it, if not for us, then for the future generations."
"Everything I have done in this life, and everything I will do, is for this purpose.”

Monday, December 31, 2012

Day-45: Fear; its got you by the balls.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am nothing without success.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am worthless if I do not live a life of worth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a life of worth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exclude myself from what it means to live a life of worth, and chose to follow fear of appearing arrogant to others (i ironically became arrogant as a result)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my relationship with myself, within who i am with me, how i interact with me and reality, that i was somehow dishonest and everything i had lived needed to be lost, without realizing i am simply investigating me piece by piece and see, through asking, am i in fact living, am i in fact here? I am in fact in directive power? And daring to see the truth which requires only for me to be here to see. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my fear that i was in fact totally dishonest, without questioning the fear or whether i was really dishonest to myself and hiding something and participating in something harmful to life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing real fears i am participating within and as myself, and had instead made up fears, and spoke nasty about myself to then try and walk these nasty things which were really not too bad in comparison, and were not the real fears and were only the smoke and mirrors that his what was occurring within and as me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore myself here, out of fear of appearing bad and feeling bad.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear participating in a moreness and a powerfulness of myself that I choose to be weak and submissive and experience very little to avoid seeming arrogant.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking arrogant to others, thus i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear believing and thinking i appear arrogant to others, and others think i am not honest in my words, and something must be wrong with me.  
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think something is wrong with me without seeing what it is i am saying is wrong, without supporting myself through changing, and so only think this as a way to judge me and label me as bad so that i do not have to face the badness at all, that i am all bad, and so i give up. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply judge and label things without understanding the things i am speaking of, and see who i am within these words that claim i know this thing when i may have no clue what is going on, and so i would require as a correction to investigate these things thoroughly before saying anything about this thing, which has included self-judgement, and self-ignorance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and others in ignorance of what is in fact occuring, and so recognize what i do not know, and how trustworthy the information i have is in fact is. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust any information blindly and not investigate before making real decisions based off of the information in front of me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my trust.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust light, positivity, and happiness. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question what is underneath the surface.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to claim things about me or others without understanding what is occurring in detail of the context/situation. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust me to investigate whether this experience that I was already claiming and judging as a moreness, without investigating it, to really see what this is, whether, it is real, an expression of who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that all things lived within the mind can be lived within a self-expression as the physical, and so there is nothing wrong with the mind, and with any word like more, greater, light, and what this process is is us taking responsibility for what the mind has taken responsibility for, directing us in reality, and so for the first time we can start to take this responsibility slowly and surely within considering this reality as ourselves. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe, perceive, and think that if i can just program the mind to support life, all will be well, when i would in fact remain a slave still, and not ever know reality unless i stand up and really direct all that this life has to offer me. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume and believe that I am in fact living here, without being here to see if this is true, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ever trust a belief, instead of investigating and seeing direct the matter at hand. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I do not have to be here completely as this physical body, as breath, to be aware of whether I am in fact directing myself and am the one expressing me in specificity. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not read words here as myself, in direct seeing the meaning of each word. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop considering the position of everyone and seeing everyone as an equal, and how i am no more nor less than anyone else as life, including objects, things, nature, plants, and animals, along with humans, and even the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I was doing everything wrong, without even being aware what I was doing wrong and why, and I only stayed within a judgement, and self-pity, and anguish. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think there is a thought waiting for me that will have all the answers to questions i have, and there will be a great realization where i feel i understand now and i can trust this information. 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust feelings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see what others say as simply what others have said and it depends on me whether I react to what others say or I really investigate what others have said and see how it can support life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I know nothing that I have no clue what to do, without investigating whether this is in fact true.
I commit myself to walk my process for myself as life, and treat others as I would myself. 
I commit myself to test any assumptions i have.
I commit myself to test all beliefs i have.
I commit myself to question what designs, and programs i am following.
i commit myself to test my words and my writing.
i commit myself to test all information.
I commit myself to be practical with what i can know, what i can't know, and what i can trust. 
thanks

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